101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say [Archive] - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Lush

03-03-2002, 11:18 AM

Tolkien's noble elven ladies wouldn't have been mucking around on horses being chased by Nazgûl in the first place, especially not Arwen!

Ah yes, sitting at home and cooking lembas is a much nobler way to spend one's life, how could I forget? I think in the book itself, it is quite obvious why Arwen doesn't ride around on her own little adventures: her own mother had been ensnared by the Orcs! In the movie, however, certain aspects of the past are left up to interpretation, so I don't mind the changes in the least.
And by the way, what about Eowyn? Come to think of it, there is one thing I could never imagine her saying: "Darkness is coming! Let's run and hide!" smilies/wink.gif
And, while I'm on the subject of impossibilities...
Gollum: "Well, Precious, since you obviously don't return my affections, I think it's time for me to move on."
Aragorn: "Uh, Arwen? I know what I promised, but I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and I think blondes are more to my liking. Plus, when's the last time you slew a Witchking? But hey, if you're still itching to give up your immortality, I hear Faramir's available!"
Gimli: "Yeah, Galadriel's not that heinous for an Elf."
Frodo: "A giant spider! Just one more for Exotic Insect Bingo!"

[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: Lush ]

Elven-Maiden

03-03-2002, 11:27 AM

Gollum: Sam, I hate fish, gimme one of your taters!

Aragorn: Ah, forget Arwen, Eowyn, I am all yours!

Sauron: Fine, keep the Ring!

Saruman: Gandalf, chill! You go your way, I'll go mine.

Balrog: (Blocking the bridge) That'll 5 dollars, please.

Pipin: Ooh! Pretty skeleton! Must toss into well....

Legolas: Oh, a mirror!! Can I keep it, Auntie Galadriel, please!!! smilies/wink.gif

Fenrir

03-03-2002, 11:38 AM

Faramir - I think Sauron and Ar-Pharazon had the right idea. If there was a bit less heroism and a lot more human sacrifice then Gondor would not be besieged by the armies of Morgul.

Saruman - My life has really improved since I joined Greenpeace.

Sauron - I plan to over-win the minds of the peoples of Middle-Earth by imitationing my infidel George Bush.

[ March 04, 2002: Message edited by: Fenrir ]

Gollumm

03-03-2002, 12:17 PM

Sauron: My ISP just hung me up!! How am I suppose to contact my Nazguls in real time now?!

Elanor

03-03-2002, 02:54 PM

Gandalf: You know what, Saruman, I'm getting fed up of those silly hobbits and their little songs. Maybe I'll stay here with you after all.

Aralaithiel

03-03-2002, 03:45 PM

Lush, you'll love my fan fiction character! (Now if they would just get the rest of my story up on this site!) The rest of you might be offended at what this noble elven lady does! smilies/biggrin.gif

Arwen to the Nazgul: That's right folks! For the incredible low, low price of just $19.95, you can have this wonderful little hobbit! And, if you call within the next 5 minutes, we'll throw in this ring of world domination AT NO CHARGE!"

Boromir: Why would I want that tacky interstate gift shop fake gold ring anyways? It turns my fingers green!

Balrog: $2.50 please! And thank you for travelling the Khazad Dhum Turnpike today!

Legolas: Your mirror is wrong, Galadriel! Where'd this cursed zit come from!!! ARGH!!!

Elrond: I know, let's just give this ring to Pippin & Merry! What harm could they do?

Oh this is fun!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: Aralaithiel ]

Birdland

03-03-2002, 03:53 PM

Bilbo: Frodo, my lad, it's time you moved out and got a job.

Treebeard: SorE L8. E-M%t wNt frvr. mEt frNs l8r OK? CU.

Legolas: I'm cold! I'm hungry! My feet hurt!

Boromir: I don't think I can do this...

Gimli: I don't want to be rich, just comfortable.

Sam: Do it yourself!

Frodo: If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

avarerniliel

03-03-2002, 04:17 PM

Gollum: Give me chips right now and keep nassty fish!

Eowyn: Forget it Aragorn, we could just never work together!

Pippin: Hey! I didn't get in trouble today!

Pippin: Wait, you were all using me as scapegoats and I really didn't screw up at all?!

Sam: Sorry Frodo, you're on your own.

Frodo: Well, on the down side I lost a finger, but on the up side... I....um...

avarerniliel

03-03-2002, 04:22 PM

Glaurung: I'm sorry, could you come back in a little bit? My fire doesn't seem to be working at the moment.

Smaug: And under the hollow of my left breast you may notice the empty patch (poses like a model on beach).

Things LOTR characters would never sing:
The Fellowship gathered around a fire: Kumbiyah

Orcs and Saruman: The can-can

Sharkû

03-03-2002, 04:33 PM

Durin's Bane: "Wait, why don't I just fly up and let that wizard plummet to the ground?"

Húrin: "Phew, I'm glad the sun's coming up, then these trolls will turn to stone."

Balin: "Cannot get out. The only bridge of Khazad-Dûm is in the hand of the enemy."

Gil-Galad: "Back off Sauron, I am the son of Fingon!"

Tom Bombadil: "I'm sorry Yavanna, but I just don't care about trees." -- Goldberry: "That's too bad, Aule, my dear."

Shagrat: "I think I'll sell my fëa to that Annatar dude, he seems mighty nice."

Glaurung: "Oh no, don't hurt me, mighty Lord Gothmog!"

Glorfindel: "Reincar-what? So my name's that of a war hero, big deal."

Círdan: "Yup, I decided to marry the woman I love."

Galadriel: "I don't need that Elven Ring as long as I have you, my husband."

TDW: "You're right, your arguments are better than mine, I admit it." smilies/wink.gif

[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: Sharku ]

Glenethor

03-03-2002, 05:44 PM

"nobody tosses a Dwarf!"
"Let's hunt some Orc!"

These two should never have been said, but were.

"I think I'll give up beer and go on a diet" Fatty Bolger...any Hobbit for that matter.
"Does this dress make my bum look fat?" Arwen
"Lobelia! Lobelia! Wherefore art thou, Lobelia?"
"Doh!" Pippin.

Suppertime! (no, that's me!)

smilies/smile.gif

[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: Glenethor ]

Lush

03-03-2002, 07:01 PM

Legolas: I'm TIRED. Waah.
Gandalf: *to Balrog* Hey man, can I have a light? *inhales* Ah, yes, much better. Where were we?
Haldir: Lorien welcomes you with open arms, Master Gimli!
Denethor: Gandalf, I am SO glad to see you!
Denethor: Faramir, I am SO glad to see you!
Eowyn: Hey Witchking, I am not only a woman, but a liberated shieldmaiden. Can I have your number?
Radagast: No worries Gandalf, for here I come to save the day!

[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: Lush ]

avarerniliel

03-03-2002, 09:49 PM

King of Rohan: "Shadowfax? Shadowfax who? Oh, that horse, I never really liked him, you can keep him."

Merry: "Pippin! We've been seperated! We've never been apart! On all our adventures we're always together! What will I do?!"

Pippin: "Merry, calm down. Here, have a light."

Saruman: Sauron. You suck. I quit.

Treebeard: Yes! I've won the 100 meter dash!

Lush

03-03-2002, 10:06 PM

Treebeard: Yes! I've won the 100 meter dash!

Good one!

Old Man Willow: "Hobbits. Yuck."
Tom Bombadil: "Let's not get off on a tangent here."
Goldberry: *to Tom* "I have better things to do than make dinner. Call Dominos and get off my back."
Sam: "Frodo, here's a map of Mordor. Have fun and take lots of pictures. Bye!"
Aragorn: "Seizing the throne of Men in an honorable way? More like the needlessly hard way! Thanks, but no thanks. Frodo, give me that Ring."

Rosa Underhill

03-04-2002, 12:02 AM

*looks at aralaithiel's sig and falls off chair laughing* That is awesome! smilies/biggrin.gif

Smeagol: Yeah, thanks and all Deagol, but y'know...rings really aren't my thing...

Lobelia: *to Frodo* Such a nice boy!

Bilbo: *to dwarves* GET OUT!!!

Gandalf: Hmmm... I dunno, white's not really my color.

Smaug: I've decided to donate all of my vast horde to the "Rebuild Laketown Fund"! *cheesy grin*

Frodo: *to Council of Elrond* Eh, y'know, now that I think about it, I kinda...really don't want to go on this quest. Could you find someone else to do it?

Elrond: *right before the Fellowship leaves Rivendell* Good-bye, Mr. Baggins...

Elvenglass

03-04-2002, 12:23 AM

Gandalf: Hmm on second thought, Aragorn,you try and defeat the Balrog. The rest of us will run!

Frodo: Hey, it's Bilbo's old ring! *drops ring down the sink* Oh well, I'm sure no one will notice, anyways how important can one ring be??

Kalimac

03-04-2002, 12:51 AM

Orcs (in Mordor): "Everybody scream, everybody scream, in our town of Halloween!"

Ted Sandyman: "Wow, Sam, what happened next?"

The Gaffer: "So enough about Bagshot Row being dug up. What have you been doing with yourselves all this time?"

OK, it's the best I can manage at this time of night.

Maltaharma

03-04-2002, 01:56 PM

Legolas: Oh my gawd, Gimli, look at her butt. It is soooooo big...

Aragorn: Do you understand the words comin' out of my mouth?!
Boromir: Man, nobody understands the word comin' out of your mouth!

Gandalf: You want the truth? You can't handle the truth.

Elrond: (pay attention Matrix fans) We must take the ring to Mount Doom...Missster Anderson...

Aragorn: I am the cheese.

Balrog: Gandalf, would you care for a crumpet? "The Balrog and I fall into darkness. I wanted to shout 'To be continued!' but instead I said, 'Fly, you fools!'"-The Lost Diary of Gandalf

Maltaharma

03-04-2002, 01:58 PM

Lush

03-04-2002, 05:17 PM

This is the GREATEST thread. I am laughing so hard, my jaw feels like it's about to fall off.

Arwen: "Aragorn, I'm afraid that while you were away saving the world, Glorfindel and I realized that we have so much in common and, well...You didn't think you and I would make it as a couple through the end of this Age? Oh you did? That's sweet."

Eowyn: "You mean that geek is the heir to the throne of Men?"

Faramir: "Thanks, Aragorn. You've been great. Bye now! Have fun trekking with the Dunedain!"

Isildur: "Big gold rings are passe."

Gollum: "Hey Frodo, could you move over? You're blocking the sun."

*Lush gathers her jaw and stumbles off*

littlemanpoet

03-04-2002, 05:44 PM

Pippin: Baths! I hate baths!

Sam: Ah, it's just a box of dirt. What good could it do? (dumps it in the Bywater)

Ferny to Sam: Ha ha ya missed me!

Aragorn to Bilbo: Your poetry sucks.

Bombadil: Didn't I tell you to stay away from the barrows?! Serves ya right!

Galadriel: Ewwwww! A dwarf!

ElanorGamgee

03-04-2002, 08:08 PM

The Gaffer (to Sam): "Good job, my boy!"

Gollum: "Would you care for some tea, gentlemen? Milk or sugar?"

Legolas: "My feet hurt."

Sam: "Workers everywhere, UNITE!"

Pippin: "Beer? No, water for me."

Treebeard: "Would you just hurry up and get to the point?"

Merry: "Boy, am I depressed."

Tom Bombadil: "How long have I lived here? Oh, a couple years..."

Gandalf: "I'm tired. Why don't you take over for a while, Pippin?"

Éowyn (singing): "I, I will survive..."

Sandyman: "Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?"

Boromir: "What ring?"

Greycloak

03-04-2002, 08:53 PM

Gandalf, Aragorn and Legolas (in harmony) "Short people got no reason to live..." smilies/biggrin.gif

Tigerlily Gamgee

03-04-2002, 09:12 PM

Legolas - "I don't want to be immortal anymore."
Legolas - "The sea is scary, I don't like the sea."
Aragorn (in song) - "I am the very model of a modern major general!"
Denethor - "anybody wany s'mores?"
Eowyn - "I am woman, hear me roar!"
Frodo - "I will take the ring, NOT"
Merry & Pippin - "I could sure go for some of that Orc water about now."
Galadriel - "Give me the ring, on second thought, I do want to rule the Earth."
Galadriel - "I don't have a gift for you, Gimli, don't you feel stupid right about now!"
Gollum - "Why do I think the ring is sooo precious?"

Marileangorifurnimaluim

03-04-2002, 09:50 PM

The Nine Mortal kings: "Sauron, yes, yes, magic rings.. we've sent the contract over for our lawyers to review. We'll get back to you on that."

Nazgul in Shire: "Well, now isn't this a cozy little place!"

Elrond: "So we should send the ring with a halfling with no weapons training, no clue where he's going, who got lost twice on the way here.. heeheeehaaaha.. I can barely say this with a straight face-!"

[ March 04, 2002: Message edited by: Marileangorifurnimaluim ]

Lush

03-04-2002, 10:05 PM

Denethor: *sitting by the fire* "Kumbaya my Lord! Kumbaya!"

Maril-jaw is really coming off now!

Mereth'iel

03-04-2002, 10:31 PM

I saw a similar question on another board. Here's what I posted (with some modifications):

Saruman to Gandalf: I have a deal you can't refuse!

Gandalf (to Saruman): What an opportunity!Count me in, dude!

Boromir: Lousy Horn! I wanted guitar lessons anyway!

Aragorn to Arwen: Iay referpay iglatinpay otay 'lvisheay...oday ouya indmay? Ownay, ivegay emay omesay ugarsay!

Legolas: They sing a lament for Gandalf...no, wait! Um, sorry, that's 99 Beers on the Wall!

Frodo: I'm not like you, Bilbo (aside to camera w/wink) I'm ever so much cuter!

Frodo: Ole McBilbo had a ring!
EE-EYE-EE-EYE-OH
And on this ring there was a spell
EE-EYE-EE-EYE-OH
With a big eye here
A big eye there
Here an eye!
There an eye!
Everywhere an eye! eye!
Ole McBilbo had a ring...

Daegwenn

03-04-2002, 10:40 PM

Sauron: May I have my ring back now...pleeeeeeze!

Legolas: Would my hair look better if I got a perm?

Aragorn: Hmm...does anyone have a mirror and a razor, this beard is killing me.

Bilbo: Poetry? Poetry is for pansies.

Elrond: I don't know half of you as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

Gollum: I think I should work on my tan for a bit, you guys can go ahead with the ring and I'll met you later.

Glorfindel after being tossed off the mountain by the Balrog: Hey! That was fun! Can I do that again?

Gandalf: But I like blue better...why can't I have blue? I want to have a nice sky blue, i think it sets off my eyes.

Isildur to Sauron: Hey, you look good in black-and that complexion! My god, how do you look so young?
Sauron to Isildur: Cucumbers, Miracle Whip and Eggs--it works wonders for the wrinkles.

Galadriel: You expect me to give you a kiss, Dwarf? You smell like horse dung and look like the wrong side of an orc. No wonder your kind lives in dark caves, I would too if I looked like you.

Celeborn: Galadriel, You've got saggy boobs. Have you ever thought of getting plastic surgery?

Luthlien: Wolves aren't that bad...they're like big puppy dogs. All they need is a little love and affection.

Elrond: I'm illiterate.

Nazgul: Black isn't my colour...and these horses! Ugh! They are so Cliche! Like, why not get a nice Jaguar or Beamer?

I have more...but I think I have rambled on too much..
~~Daegwenn

Easy n Dirty

03-05-2002, 09:21 AM

Elrond: WASSUUUUUUUUUUUP?

Lady Legolasa

03-05-2002, 11:49 AM

Frodo: Alright fine,give me the ring.Anything to get out of this sleepy Rivendell!
Frodo: (at the boats) Quit following me Sam,geez why do you think I snuck away from ya guys?
Aragorn: that Pippin and Merry got themselves in trouble,let em take care of themselves.

Eärendil

03-05-2002, 12:02 PM

Legolas or Aragorn attacking orcs: "BANZAI!!!" smilies/biggrin.gif

The Youngest Ent

03-05-2002, 12:27 PM

Galadrial: “Hey!!! Who drank my mirror?!”

Aragorn: (To Eowyn) “Okay... but don’t tell my wife, okay?”

Gandalf: “Hey Frodo... can I have the ring?”

Gullum: “I appreciate the wonder that is Tony Danza. His many fine acting roles have brought nothing but smiles of joy to this withered old hobbit.”

Gimli: (In Moria) “This place is a dump!”

Legolas: “Screw you guys... I’m going home.”

Saruman: “You cannot leave”, Gandalf: “SLUMBER PARTY!!!!”

Boromir: (Licks his finger, touches Aragorn) “Let’s get you outta those wet clothes!”

Aragorn: “You know Arwen, I think I was in love with the IDEA of being in love... and not with you.”

Any Eagle: “Hey, why don’t we fly you guys right into Mordor?”

Boromir: “Diplomacy is our only hope!”

Gandalf: “I am Gandalf of many colours!”

Marileangorifurnimaluim

03-05-2002, 12:31 PM

Bilbo: "Frodo, lad, I give you an inheritance and what do you do? Just throw it away."

Daegwenn

03-05-2002, 12:47 PM

Sauron: All I ever wanted was a hug...

Elrond to Frodo: Hey, your ring is cooler...I'll trade ya.

Sauron: Little do they know...that the ring is just from a cracker jack box.

Balrog: Anyone got a light?

Glorfindel: I woke up on top of the Balrog and suddenly, it all was quite clear to me that I don't get paid enough for this crap.

Galadriel: There's a little Sauron in all of us.

~~Daegwenn

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh

03-05-2002, 01:55 PM

Here are a couple that occur:

Bilbo: One day, lad, all this will be yours
Frodo: What? The curtains?

Elrond (to the council): Sorry, chaps; I can't remember a thing about that business with Elendil and Isildur. It all happened so long ago, and what with the Death Watch beetle in the West wing and the Hall of Fire needing redecoration it's all just slipped my mind.

Arwen: If you expect me to sit here sewing a bleedin' banner while you go gallivantin' off with yer mates you've another think coming, Estel. There are plenty more fish in the sea, you know.

Boromir: Anyone for croquet?

Sauron (from the Palantir): Tell him he can keep the damn' thing. It turns my finger green and interferes with the television.

[ March 05, 2002: Message edited by: Squatter of Amon Rudh ]

JesseCuster

03-05-2002, 03:37 PM

Sauron: So I built a tower. Everyone said that it wouldn't stand up. And it fell into the swamp. So I built another tower. That fell into the swamp too. So I build a THIRD tower. That one stayed up AAAAAAAARGGHHHHHHHH!

*Dark Tower crashes into ruin*

Mouth of Sauron to Gandalf after LONG pause: Uhhh...we give up. Sorry.

Treebeard: Boring, boring, boring. Green. Green. and MORE green. And some brown. Gawd. I want to get AWAY from all this. Bulldoze it down, and build me a condo. Hoom.

Gimli: Why do we kill these orcs all the time? Why don't we just try TALKING to them for once?

Ugluk to Merry and Pippen: Are you two comfortable enough? Want some more cushions? Here, have a doughnut. Not far now.

Gwaihir to Gandalf: Good grief. Are you all right?

Gandalf: Feeling a bit...weak...that Balrog sure was a tough cookie...

Gwaihir: Do you have the strength to lift your hand?

Gandalf: Just....about...yes....

*Gandalf raises hand*

Gwaihir: Now shout 'TAXI!'

*flies off*

You're right Lush, this is a great thread.

[ March 05, 2002: Message edited by: JesseCuster ]

Raefindel

03-05-2002, 08:09 PM

Gimli: Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho, it's off to work we go! smilies/biggrin.gif

Ahanarion

03-05-2002, 09:30 PM

any hobbit: I'm going on a diet
Gandalf: Ooo! is that taffy?
Tom Bombadil: My stock just went up 8 shares!
Gollum: Wow I just went 9 sentences without saying My Preciousssss! New record.
Sam: Good job Gollum.
Gandalf to Frodo: No don't eat it it's evil!
Frodo with ring in his mouth: Sorry.

Lush

03-05-2002, 10:29 PM

Sam: *sniff sniff* "Mmm, Shelob, are you wearing Eu de Freaky Arachnid? It's my favorite, you know!"

Gorin Icearms

03-05-2002, 10:34 PM

Hey! No dwarf jokes.

(Hehe, just kidding)

Birdland

03-05-2002, 11:07 PM

Birdie BOL! Oh, those Eagles kill me!

"Taxi!" (Heeeeeee!)

Rosa Underhill

03-06-2002, 02:09 PM

Any Hobbit: Does this make me look fat?

Sam: I absolutely hate kids! Can't abide the little vermin! Always mucking about in my garden, ruining everything...

Galadriel: Well, we sort of, um, ran out of lembas. Have this box of crackers instead!

Any Hobbit: Oh, no thank you! I couldn't stand another bite!

Pippin: Okay, I've had just about enough of this! I happen to have an advanced bachelor of sciences in nonlinear dynamics! If someone calls me a "fool Took" one more time, I'm going to start testing theories!
Gandalf to Merry: What'd he say?
Merry: Mah hommie be tired o' everyone walking all ova' him. If you dis 'im again, he gonna start crackin' heads, mah brotha'.

Aragorn at Amon Hen: Arg! That stupid Horn! Boromir, shut it! If I have to hear that thing one more time I'm going to stuff it up your nose!

Merry to Pippin while being carried by Orcs: Man this is fun!

Sign on Bag End front gate: Gond troll tippin'. Be back in a fortnight.

Gandalf: Pipeweed? Ugh, can't stand the stuff! Give me some good ol' cappucino, though; now that's an addiction worth having!

Gwaihir: *crows like a rooster* Erm, you didn't hear that.

Beorn: Orcs can count and twelve isn't fifteen...is it? Um...oh dear, I hate these kind of questions! *starts counting on fingers frantically*

Gorin Icearms

03-06-2002, 02:59 PM

Just thought of another one.

Eowyn: Forget all that riding around on horses and fighting Nazgul, I'll just stay here with my sewing.

Gorothlammothiel

03-06-2002, 03:28 PM

lol....i should wonder if you all will be recognised on a grander scale......

Elvenglass

03-06-2002, 04:22 PM

Frodo: Aragorn, why did you volunteer to come with me to Mordor?
Aragorn: Anything's better than staying in Rivendell with Arwen talking about "our relationship"

Rosa Underhill

03-07-2002, 02:24 PM

lol....i should wonder if you all will be recognised on a grander scale......

*sounding like the Skeksies Chambelain* Hmmmm...?

Legolas at Helm's Deep: *singing* Everybody was Kung-fu fighting! HUH! *stabs Orc* Those cats were fast as lightning! HUH! *stabs Orc* It was little bit frightning...

Sam: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Rosie is the sun!

Minstrel of Gondor: *hack, cough* I'm really sorry but I can't sing today. I seem to have come down with larengitis...
Sam/Frodo: Aw, shucks!
Sam: I was really wantin' to hear that "Frodo of the Nine Fingers" song again! It was so wonderful!
Minstrel: Well, I could call my friend Leonard Nimoy. He knows a few good tunes...
Frodo: Like "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins"?!
Minstrel: *nods*
Sam/Frodo: YAY!!!

Frodo: *twirling the Ring around on its chain and whistling the Harlem Globetrotters' theme song*

Saruman: Oh, look at the widdle Halfwings! They're so darn cute I just wanna squeeze 'em! Eee! smilies/biggrin.gif

Gorothlammothiel

03-07-2002, 02:54 PM

Rosa Underhill........

*sounding like the Skeksies Chambelain* Hmmmm...?

....whatever do you mean?

non_conformist13

03-07-2002, 10:52 PM

Gandalf leading a mob with signs walking around Orthanac: The end is coming!

Pippen or Merry: Pipeweed?! Are you trying to kill me? Do you have any idea what that stuff does to your lungs? and Breath, phew!

Frodo: Mushrooms? No thanks, I'm alergic.

Sauron: I think what we have here is just one big misunderstanding.

Aragorn: Can't we all just get along?

Pippin and Merry: Sorry, we don't drink and ride.

Treebeard: Can you please stop! You keep on going on and on about your little adventures, do you think I care? You are going to make me late for my meeting, could you please talk a little faster.

Legolas: Can you please speak up? I'm hard of hearing. or Drat, I forgot my glasses, say, what's that big dark blur that fills me with horror up there?

Gimili: Ewww! There's dirt everywhere! Gross! I need a bath.

Arwen: No! don't touch that, Aragorn, that's poison ivy!

Aragorn: Sorry, I get confused sometimes, What's that, Frodo? You are itching? Darn it!

Gollum to the Ring: I think we should see other people.

Elrond to Arwen: No, you can not marry him, and that's final, I know I said that if he ruled Gondor and all that, but things change sweetie. What's that? You gave him your imortality? What were you thinking? Didn't we already talk about this?

Borimir: Gold isn't my color.

Sam: I am so sick of all these home cooked meals! Can't we just go out to eat for a change?

Bilbo to Frodo: I'm disappointed in you, my boy. I thought you would take better care of your inheritance than that!

Bilbo: Drat, another Writer's Block!

Kalimac

03-07-2002, 11:40 PM

Pippin: Personally I find Nietzsche's theory of the "Uebermensch" to be far more convincing than Descartes' inherent Randomism.

Merry: Personally I think you've been looking into the Abyss too long, my friend (dusty academic laugh).

Aragorn: God, what *was* that thing? It was frickin' terrifying!

And someone who always gets left out:

Ioreth's Kinswoman: Will you be quiet already? I want to watch King Elessar and the Ernil i Pheriannath, not listen to you!

Glenethor

03-07-2002, 11:54 PM

LOL!

Bilbo: 'Don't meddle in the affairs of Dialectical Materialists, Frodo my lad, for they are always trying to reconcile thesis and antithesis. What a bother!'

Thag u. Thagu very buch....

Gorin Icearms

03-07-2002, 11:58 PM

I LOVE that song Rosa. I also really liked that one when Sam thinks about taking the ring.

Sindalómiel

03-08-2002, 12:05 AM

These are great, I love the "Old McBilbo had a ring" one. smilies/smile.gif

Glenethor

03-08-2002, 12:09 AM

Legolas: Ai! Ai! A Logical Positivist is come!

Well, it would scare me!
smilies/tongue.gif

[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: Glenethor ]

Kalimac

03-08-2002, 12:26 AM

OK, since we're on that theme...and since I've been consuming far too much caffeine this evening...

Gandalf: Long, long I argued, and he argued with me. Then at last we came to dark and wet place, and his fiery Argumentum ad Hominem became like unto a thing of slime, the dread Petitio Principii, called also by the Dwarves the Circular Argument. We fought, and I debunked his use of the Fourth Element, and threw him down. Then he fled away through the nameless tunnels where gnaw the Argumentum Ad Absurdum and the foul Poisoning of the Well. I followed, clutching his cursed Venn Diagram. Up we went to the peak, and there I conjured a Proof, and so he passed away.

Birdland

03-08-2002, 01:13 AM

Theoden on the Pelennor Fields:

"Get...this...horse...OFF ME!"

Glenethor

03-08-2002, 01:27 AM

Eowyn to the Witch-King: That Goth gear is so passeee....

Arathorn to Aragorn: Whadda ya mean ya don't want to be betrothed to Eowyn? She has...vast tracts of....land!

Aragorn: but I don't like it, father! I want to....SING! father! I don't want to take up Anduril and go mucking about in the wild! I just want to SING! SING! SING!

Gorin Icearms

03-08-2002, 02:43 AM

Just thought up a couple, these are good. smilies/biggrin.gif

Any Dwarf: I don't want to find gold or jewels, I want to paint trees.

Any Ringwraith: Can I get a mask or some make-up and contacts? I'm tired of being invisible.

Hey, I'm a haunting spirit now. Cool, muahahahahaha smilies/evil.gif

[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: Gorin Icearms ]

Estelyn Telcontar

03-08-2002, 04:52 AM

Bless you, Kalimac - someone's finally given Ioreth's kinswoman something to say! smilies/biggrin.gif Now, if we could just get her a name! (See the thread "A Sad Literary Fate", Books II)

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh

03-08-2002, 10:48 AM

Aragorn (coronation speech, wearing bobble hat): Follow your dreams; you can reach your goals; I'm living proof.

Denethor: Man I'm bummed out. Anyone got a joint?

Faramir: Tell you what, lads: you ambush the Haradrim and I'll stay here and make us a nice cup of tea.

Legolas: Tree? What tree? *walks into huge and hoary oak*

Sam to Galadriel: *raises eyebrow* A box of dirt. That was worth travelling hundreds of miles for. I don't suppose you've got any other rubbish you'd like me to take off your hands while I'm at it.

Tom Bombadil: Before you leave, my lads, I'll just relate my life story, in case you have any questions-o.

Galadriel: Does my bum look big in this gown?

Eowyn: I'm afraid I'm quite hopeless at all these men's games. I'll just stay here and darn your socks, father.

Gollum: Raw fish? Does we look Japanese, precious?

Mouth of Sauron at the Morannon: Now listen and listen good because it's only coming once. We surrender. Unconditionally. Sorry to have taken up your time. Sorry. Sorry.

Sauron: Mouth, that is as ridiculous as that idea you had that they might send a couple of hobbits through Cirith Ungol to chuck the Ring into the Sammath Naur. Now go and prepare my ceremonial tutu.

Rosa Underhill

03-08-2002, 12:36 PM

I LOVE that song Rosa. I also really liked that one when Sam thinks about taking the ring.

I just watched that movie for the first time; haven't laughed that hard in ages. smilies/biggrin.gif

Ioreth: Hmmm...No, no, don't know anything about him, sorry dear.

Ioreth: I can't think of a thing to say...

Sam: You know what I'd like right about now, Mr. Frodo? A Big Mac. And a super-sized order of fries...Mmmmm....

Merry: (from RotK cartoon) Zoiks, Scoob! *everyone stares* What? What'd I say?

ElanorGamgee

03-08-2002, 03:58 PM

Éowyn: Oh, no, I broke a nail!

Denethor: Remember, kids, don't play with fire.

Saruman: Save the trees!

Anyone in the novel: Wassap!

goldwine

03-08-2002, 04:54 PM

Lots and lots of LOL! They are great guys.. here is my meagre attempt!

Ghan-Buri-ghan: Perhaps we can negotiate a contract for the transitory movements of your troops through this passage of our land.. starting with a 10% deposit...

ElanorGamgee

03-08-2002, 07:13 PM

Grishnákh (to Uglúk): "It's a pleasure working for you, captain!"

Gimli: "Look at all the pretty flowers..."

Lush

03-09-2002, 12:36 AM

Rosie: *to Sam* "So, you destroyed the Dark Lord. That don't impress me much."

Eomer: "Hey, he got Arwen, the other dude got Eowyn, and I have...I have...I demand a re-write!"

Vision in the palantir: "Hi, this is a courtesy call from Windlord Airlines, and we're just dying to tell you about our new Minas Tirith-Rivendell roundtrip discounts!..."

Kalimac

03-09-2002, 01:12 AM

Neat, Estelyn - I hadn't realized Ioreth's Kinswoman was a mini-celebrity smilies/smile.gif. All I can say is, Ioreth is lucky I wasn't her kinswoman or she would have been hearing a lot more than that (after we got home, that is).

A few more...

Ioreth's Kinswoman: Please, tell me more!

Ioreth: Of course, it was King Elessar who really deserved the credit for using the Kingsfoil; you should ask him about it.

Frodo: It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance.

Gandalf: Good point. Unfortunately it turns out he escaped before Thranduil got my message about arranging an "accident." Well, s**t happens.

Saruman: WORMTONGUE! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU THREW OUT THE PALANTIR WHILE IT WAS WRAPPED IN MY *BLANKY*?!!

Elrond: I will take the Ring, because I know the way - I've been there before, remember?

Merry & Pippin OR Frodo & Sam: We are the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name!

Belin

03-09-2002, 11:49 AM

Pippin: I am SOOO bored!

Eowyn: Yes, Aragorn, you're right.

Eomer(to Eowyn): You know, Sis, Theoden IS getting kind of senile and useless, and we ARE next in line for the throne of Rohan.... are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Elrond: I don't know.

Gandalf (to Gollum):Now really, think about it, you're almost a hobbit, and what kind of a life is this for someone like you, really, sneaking around Middle Earth, occasionally getting caught and/or tortured, obsessing over this stupid piece of jewelery... Maybe you should consider what you REALLY want.
Gollum: Yesssss, the nassty wizard hass a point, preciouss, yes, we thinks he does. (Moves to the Shire, marries a nice hobbit-maid, and lives happily ever after.)

[ March 09, 2002: Message edited by: Belin ]

[ March 25, 2002: Message edited by: Belin ]

Ahanarion

03-09-2002, 06:29 PM

Gandalf to Frodo: I'm not going to lie to you frodo every Man and Dwarf who fought a Nazgul has died. I've seen them punch through mithril. Elves have emptied entire quivers at them and hit nothing but air. Where they have failed you will succeed. There strength is based on wraith-world and because of that they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.

Frodo: Are you saying I can dodge arrows?

Gandalf: I'm saying when the time comes you won't have to.

(this is only funny if you've seen The Matrix)

Weber

03-09-2002, 07:04 PM

ringwraiths at an airport
speaker: flight 333 with the ringwraiths will depart in 5 minutes.
leader: run run or well miss our flight

obloquy

03-09-2002, 07:44 PM

Hah, Sharkey!

Alatar to Pallando: "Gee, maybe we should tell someone where we're going."

Durin's Bane in his first post on the Barrow-Downs: "Good thinking, obloquy, your Balrog theories are right on the money."

Birdland

03-09-2002, 07:58 PM

More minor characters:

Herb Master of Gondor:

"Kingsfoil? Yeah, we got that."

"Mr. Brandybuck? We just spoke with your HMO..."

"He's dead, Jim."

Bergil:

"Soon as I'm 18, I'm out of here."

Forlong the Fat:

"I'm not fat, I'm fluffy!"

[ March 09, 2002: Message edited by: Birdland ]

Ahanarion

03-09-2002, 08:23 PM

Smaug: Come in little dude take all you want I don't care.

any orc: PU I need a bath.

Sauron: Come in have some tea. The ring oh I don't care besides I'm the cookie lord now not the dark lord.

justahijustabye

03-09-2002, 09:37 PM

Whooaa Mithril Panties! Gimli to Arwen

Saruman: I am no longer Saruman the White, I am Saruman the Multicolored, and everything fluffy and special!

Frodo puts on the Ring
Lurtz: Peek a Boo, I see you

"I am no longer Saruman the White, I am now Saruman of Many... Gee I pee fruity colors!" - Saruman to Gandalf

Where am I?" - Frodo to Gandalf while unconscious

"It is October 24... and you are stuck in traffic in Los Angeles. The current temperature is 72 degrees..." - Gandalf to Frodo

Gandalf: I'm lost for words.

"The best crack from the Southfarthing" - Gandalf before party

"Here lies George W., son of George, Lord of Taxcuts" - Gandalf at Balin's tomb

I dare not do more
(I got these from minastirith.com)heehee

Raefindel

03-09-2002, 11:44 PM

LOL! Mithril Panties! That was Great, Justahi!

Where can I get a pair? smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/evil.gif

Kalimac

03-09-2002, 11:53 PM

Raefindel, I don't know about *mithril* panties, but I knew a girl in college who made a part-time career out of making chain-mail (or chain-maille, if you're more hardcore about it than I am). She got lots of requests for chain-mail bikini outfits and made quite a few, and, well, the bottom half is basically the same thing. So if you don't mind the feeling of cold steel in the morning you could always put in an order smilies/biggrin.gif .

Legolas: Oh look, another grey hair.

Sam: Rosie, I don't know...we were apart that whole year, and I know we were really in love before, but you know, experiences change hobbits. My character changed, I'm not the Sam you knew. I can't continue this relationship until I find out who Sam is now.

The White Council: TOGA PARTY!!!

Gorin Icearms

03-10-2002, 04:24 AM

HAHAHAHA!!! TOGA PARTY!!! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

(I dunno why that was so funny, but it was.)

SlinkerStinker

03-12-2002, 01:44 AM

Gandalf, to the Balrog on the bridge: Answer me these questions three, then the other side you may see. What is your favorite color?

Sam, to Frodo: Hey! If your not going to reciprocate my affection, I know a certain young Took that will!

Bilbo: Dude, this is some really good pipe weed. I am wasted!

Gandalf: Never use the ring Frodo, it doesn't match your tunic and come on, gold? Heelllloooo 1985! Can Mr. T come out and play?

Glenethor

03-12-2002, 04:03 AM

What is your name?
LOL!

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh

03-12-2002, 03:53 PM

Aragorn: Oathbreakers, why have ye come?
Random oathbreaker: We were wondering: could we have a cup of sugar? We've run out.

Varda: It's three in the morning. Will you please just leave me alone?!

Radagast: Actually I've been fomenting rebellion in the dominions of Mordor for the last five-hundred years. I keep in touch by carrier pigeon.

The Book of Mazarbul: ...but still Durin Estate Enterprises refused to repair the roof or install central heating. So it was that Balin gathered us together and in a mighty voice quoth: "Sod this for a lark. Number fifteen's up for rent and they're throwing in a telly." You may reach us in the house with the brown door, three doors down. Now we wait for the removal men.
They are coming...

Theoden: Which part of "Don't let that thieving wizard anywhere near my hall again" did you not understand, Grima? Get rid of them.

Legolas: I know what you're thinking: did I fire six arrows or only five?

Turambar

03-12-2002, 03:59 PM

Legolas: I know what you're thinking: did I fire six arrows or only five?

smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Rosa Underhill

03-12-2002, 05:13 PM

Denethor: *with a big, cheesy grin* Who wants toasted marshmallows?!

Gandalf: They call me...Mithrandir. Erm, no wait. Uh, they call me....Olorin! No, no, that's not it either. Fuzzball? No. Zifnab? Most certainly not!...Hmmmm...Aha! They call me...Tim.

Sam: (from RotK cartoon in the "Where There's A Whip, There's A Way" number) Woo hoo! Groovin' to the beat! C'mon, dance Mr. Frodo!

Sam: *watches Frodo put the Ring on at the Cracks of Doom; shrugs* Eh. *walks away*

SamwiseGamgee

03-12-2002, 06:08 PM

smilies/biggrin.gif Superb!
Boromir (at Council of Elrond): What, Legolas? Rightful heir to the throne of Gondor. Oh, I do apologise! Sorry Aragorn, you have the floor. (Sheepishly sneaks back to seat)

Sauron to Frodo in Prancing Pony: Hey Frodo, jus' thought I'd call to say 'Keep the ring', I don't really need it. Oh, and have you seen Gandalf recently. I have to have him over to dinner... the new spawning chamber! Oh! It's to die for. Anyway, I digress. Bye sweety!

Balrog to Gandalf: Oh. Ok the. (Turns to Orcs) He says we're not allowed! (Shouts from orcs to not back down) (Balrog whispering to orcs) You tell him, he's scary!

Gandalf: I could look years younger if I just shaved this beard.

Boromir: Hey, Lubburz... old buddy, old pal! What do you want with me? I'm just a human. It's these halflings you want (Pushes Merry and Pip forward whilst backing off) They've got the ring. Bye!

Frodo looks out over Mordor and then looks back and starts humming 'Stairway To Heaven': There's a feeling I get/ As I look to the West.

Theoden at Pelennor fields: Oh, there's a few more than I expected. Anyway, Denethor doesn't know we're here, they won't miss us. Come on chaps, off home for us!

Aragorn: I didn't want to be King of Gondor... I wanted to be... A Lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The oak. The fern. The flatulent elm of North Rhysdale! Oh... I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok...

Ringwraith: Shire. Baggins.
Hobbit: I. Don't. Know.
Ringwraith: Damn. Well, I hope I'm not the one who has to tell Sauron. Cheerio. Oh, and if you find out about this Baggins chap give me a shout!

That's the best I can do. Hope you enjoy as much as I did yours! smilies/biggrin.gif

Ahanarion

03-12-2002, 07:32 PM

Frodo in Nike ad: I got all the way to Mordor with these shoes.

Legolas:We're here at spring break 3,000 in a little bit gandalf will come out and do some rap for us but now we've gotta go to commercial break.

Sam:Screw you guys I'm going home.

Rose Cotton

03-12-2002, 07:39 PM

I'm gonna give this a try but I'm not gonna think of anything good.

Boromir-Mordor? Great idea. There isn't anything to worry about if we go there.

Olo Gamwich

03-12-2002, 07:55 PM

Sauron - (Playing in car radio) "Spring time, lolly pops and rainbows"

Legolas - (takes a wiz behind a bush in Lothlorien)

Frodo - (falls off the edge of a flet and breaks his leg)

Ok, maybe these aren't very funny smilies/biggrin.gif

Raefindel

03-12-2002, 08:33 PM

You Made me laugh Olo! smilies/biggrin.gif Welcome to the Downs. Enjoy your stay.

red

03-12-2002, 09:14 PM

FYI re: Lush's Eomer non-quote. Eomer actually did get a babe. He married Imrahil's daughter.

-réd

Birdland

03-12-2002, 11:52 PM

Samwise Gamgee: you had me rolling in the aisles!

I really think you got into the spirit of the thing.

"You tell him...he's scary!" Heeeeeeeee!

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh

03-13-2002, 03:10 PM

Quite right.

I was just thinking about that Sam Gamgee/Eric Cartman link and came up with:

Merry: Oh my god! They killed Boromir!
Pippin: You bastards!

Fangorn: We're off to see the wizard... (sorry; I hate that song too much to continue)

Ringwraith caught in river bore: I'll be back

Lush

03-13-2002, 05:00 PM

FYI re: Lush's Eomer non-quote. Eomer actually did get a babe. He married Imrahil's daughter.
-réd

Yes, but was she really a babe? For all we know, she was short of twenty teeth, and didn't bathe!

Eomer: *fending off potential brides with a stick* "Form a straight line now, ladies! No pushing! Staple your picture to the form in the upper left-hand corner! Non-babes need not apply!"

Birdland

03-13-2002, 11:58 PM

Yes, but was she really a babe? For all we know, she was short of twenty teeth, and didn't bathe!

What's really scary; compared to the rest of the women of Rohan, maybe she looked good!

Eomer: "Come on down to my boat, baby!"
(Did I just age myself with that quote?)

Ahanarion

03-14-2002, 08:34 AM

Treebeard: twenty-five thirty thirty-five goin' once, goin twice sold to the hobbit in the green vest.

Boromir: She's the dancing queen.

Legolas: Hit me baby one more time.

Gandalf: Livin' la vida loca.

Thenamir

03-14-2002, 12:40 PM

Morgoth: "That Sauron! Tried to teach him everything I knew, and what did he do with it? I mean, what was he doing for all those millenia? Pulling the legs off elves? Waxing the steps at the Old Dwarfs Home?"

Farmer Maggot: "Baggins trash! I warned ya! Grip, Fang, Wolf -- tear his lungs out!"

Fredegar Bolger: "Hah! I fear nothing! Have at thee, foul denizens of evil!"

Elrond: "We've been watching you for some time, Mr. 'Baggins'. It seems you've been living *two* lives. The first life you live at Bag End behind a round green door, where you project a respectable image, eat six meals a day and ... you help old Gamgee with his potatoes. The other life you live in adventures, where you go by the questing alias 'Underhill'. One of these lives has a future...and one of them does not."

Arwen Imladris

03-14-2002, 07:25 PM

He He He! These are soo funy! Here are a few more.

Legolas: I hate trees.
Any Dwarf: I hate caves, they are so dark and gloomy.
Golum: I love the Sun
Orcs: lets share
Anybody: Tinuviel is ugly
A ringwraith: I hate black
Sam: I love that Gollum
Elrond: (to Aragorn) thanks for getting Arwen off my hands
Aragorn: Aww, this sword is rusty (picks up stick, pokes orc, poke, poke)
Legolas: I need glasses
Gimli, I don't like all this violence and orc-killing, I think I'll go hug a tree
Dunedane: Hobbits are so apreciative of all we do!

An Ent Contortionest

Sorry if these have been said before. smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Aralaithiel

03-14-2002, 07:39 PM

Today on "Jerry Springer":
Elven Maidens & The Mortal Men They Love
JS: Arwen, what attracted you to Aragorn in the first place?
Arwen: Well, Jerry. Elven men just don't have it goin' on! Aragorn is all man, and all king. I just adore a REAL man!
JS: And you, Luthien! What made you want Beren?
Luthien: It's those mortals' butts!
Arwen: Amen, sister!

Gorin Icearms

03-14-2002, 11:41 PM

Kalimac chain-mail (or chain-maille, if you're more hardcore about it than I am

It's maille. Ha! Take that.

(Ok, so there wasn't a real reason for this, but I couldn't resist smilies/biggrin.gif)

Kalimac

03-14-2002, 11:53 PM

Gorin - um, all I was saying is that I'm not hardcore enough about it to spell it that way (unlike certain people I used to know). Back at you! smilies/biggrin.gif .

And if we're getting into movies:

Sam (rummaging through the garbage at Bag End after Lotho's murder): Look at this book. "I am Jack's stomach. I help Jack digest food. I am Jack's brain, I help Jack think."

Frodo: "I am Jack's tenth finger. I put on the Ring. I destroy Jack's soul."

Sam (aside): I am Jack's broken heart.

Birdland

03-15-2002, 12:21 AM

Bilbo (to Frodo): "You got maille!"

Arwen Imladris

03-15-2002, 01:06 PM

Bilbo: I am finished my book.
Tom Bombadil: I'm so depressed!
Legolas: I am afraid!

Sorry, these arn't very funny

Rosa Underhill

03-15-2002, 05:13 PM

Thenamir, those were great! LOL!!! smilies/biggrin.gif

Sam: *to Gollum* Gimme hug! smilies/biggrin.gif

Gollum: Must work on tan, yes precious...

Daegwenn

03-15-2002, 05:21 PM

Legolas: How do you get a one armed blond elf out of a tree?
Aragorn: How?
Legolas: Wave! *laughs*
Aragorn: I don't get it.

Samwise

03-15-2002, 05:30 PM

Gandalf to Sauruman: "You know, Saurry, ol' pal, I've been thinking--this whole wizarding thing has been really taxing--I don't think it's the thing for me. What say you and I quit this magic nonsense and go into the fireworks buisness together? "

Ahanarion

03-15-2002, 10:09 PM

Gandalf: If I go crazy then will still call me super-man, If I'm alive and well will you be there holdin', I'll keep you bye my side with my super human might, kryptonite.

Frodo: You're a pretty good singer Gandalf but who the heck is super-man?

Lush

03-15-2002, 11:31 PM

Sauron: "Deafeted? By whom? Two midgets, and a weepy, unbathed Dunedain? IN-CON-CEIVABLE!"

Eowyn: "Hallo. My name is Eowyn of Rohan. You ke-e-led my uncle. Prepare to die."

Ahanarion

03-15-2002, 11:49 PM

LOL that was really funny Lush The Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies.

Lush

03-15-2002, 11:56 PM

Gandalf: "B.O.U.S's? Balrogs of unusual size? Oh, I don't think they exist." *thud* *scream*

Yeah, but it's only funny if you've seen the movie. Until I finally sat down and watched it, I went for a about three years with all of my friends quoting it, having a jolly good time, while I stood in the background and shrugged.

Samwise

03-16-2002, 12:09 AM

Eowyn: "Hallo. My name is Eowyn of Rohan. You ke-e-led my uncle. Prepare to die."
L-o-L!!!!!!
("Stop saying that!")

Samwise

03-16-2002, 12:12 AM

The Gaffer to Sam:

"Good job, son. Glad you're home. "
Sam: "What's the time? Is it today or tomorrow?"
(LOL! This sounds an awful lot like me when in my "human" form!!)

Ahanarion

03-16-2002, 11:06 AM

Witch-king: Frodo I am your father.
Aragorn: Mwaaaa raaaa aaaa rrrrrr!
Gandalf: Teach you I will Frodo. About the ring you must learn.

Ahanarion

03-16-2002, 11:08 AM

Doh! I forgot this one
Pippin: Beep boop doop boop beep.

Iaragarwen

03-17-2002, 12:07 AM

Arewn bending over Frodo after crossing the river: "Has anyone ever told you that you have lovely eyes?"

Aragorn to Sauron: "Nice fortress!"

Sauron to Frodo: "Will that be cash or credit for the ring?"

Samwise

03-17-2002, 10:06 PM

LOL, Iaragarwen !
smilies/biggrin.gif Welcome t' th' 'Downs!
Watching LOTR
The edge of my seat
hands tearing up a napkin
I liked that movie!

Copyright 2001 S. Uffelman

Rosa Underhill

03-18-2002, 01:07 PM

Lush, that was great! ROTFLMBO!!! smilies/biggrin.gif Why didn't I think of that?

Preist at Sam and Rose's wedding: Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us togewhur today...

Elrond: Call me Rond. El Rond.

Frodo at Farmer Maggots: Oh, what a cute widdle puppy-wuppy! C'mere boy, c'mere! Aw, what a sweety-pie you are! Yes you are, yes you are!

Sam after Frodo mentions Farmer Maggot beating him as a kid: He what?! Where is he? I'll rip 'is arms off!...

muffin_goddess

03-18-2002, 03:07 PM

Pippin: Be carefull or you'll drop that

Frodo: I give up he can have the ring

Tom Bombadil: Enjoy your lunch old man willow

Galadriel: Have the ring? Okay, but I don't think gold's my colour

Aragorn: I think I need a shave

Elrond: There's nothing I can do for this hobbit, we'll justv have to make his final moments comfortable

Sam: *with knife to Frodo's throught and rin on finger* Finally I can stop pretending to be this saps lackey.

avarerniliel

03-19-2002, 04:46 PM

Gandalf when he is falling off of the cliff next to the Balrog in Khazad Dum. :TO BE CONTINUED!!!!

ElanorGamgee

03-19-2002, 04:48 PM

Aragorn: "Hey, who ate all the Cheetoes?"

Tracy Hemenover

03-21-2002, 07:42 PM

Looks like I signed up just as this thread was winding down, but maybe there's a few people still paying attention, so --

Galadriel: I would never invade anyone's mental privacy.

Aragorn: On second thought, let's not go to Minas Tirith. It is a silly place.

Sam: Mr. Frodo, screw you.

Boromir: You know what, Frodo, keep the Ring. I'm going to go open a boutique.

Sauron's palantir: We're very sorry, but the Dark Lord is not in right now. We care about your business. Please hold and an operator will be with you shortly. (muzak starts playing)

Tom Bombadil: Get out! This is private property!

Frodo, to the orcs in Cirith Ungol: I hate to tell you this, but you guys are BADLY in need of a good decorator. I can put you in touch with this Elven queen I know...

Gollum: What am I doing wasting my life obsessing over a ring? God, I feel so stupid.

Gandalf: Off to the glue factory with you, Shadowfax!

Samwise

03-21-2002, 09:25 PM

Hullo, Estella! Underhill....where have I heard that name before....? smilies/wink.gif
"You'd better be hidden, Mr. Frodo." said Sam. "We'll send this rider to the rightabouts! "

Samwise

03-21-2002, 09:27 PM

Hey, wait a sec....when did I become the "Ghost Prince of...?"
Whoa.

"Yes, sir!" said Sam. "Begging your pardon, sir! But I meant no wrong to you, Mr. Frodo, nor to Mr. Gandalf. He has some sense, and when you said go alone, he said no! take someone as you can trust. "

Lush

03-21-2002, 09:34 PM

Gandalf (being carried by Gwaihir): "I'm flying, Jack!"

Aragorn: "Gotta love them Elven-girls! I get older, they just stay the same!"

Rosa Underhill

03-23-2002, 01:08 AM

Hi Estella! Gee, why does that name sound so familiar? smilies/biggrin.gif Hm...

Smaug: Oh, my back! Stupid gold! Maybe I should take my chyropractor's advice and get a softer matress...

Legolas: BEEEELCH!!! *scratches rear* Hey, who's up for a round of Jack Daniel's on me?

Faramir (at the Forbidden Pool): Look, Frodo, we really don't have time for all of this "pity" nonsense. *signals archer to shoot Gollum*

Denethor: *singing* Sunshine, on my shoulders, makes me happy!...

Denethor: *skipping through the halls of Minas Tirith* Zippity doo-da! Zippity yay! My-oh-my what a wonderulf day! Plenty o' sunshine, headin' my way! Zippity doo-da, zippity yay!

ElanorGamgee

03-23-2002, 12:00 PM

Rose Cotton (to Sam): "So, you finally decided to show your face after months? Oh, been helping defeat the Dark Lord, have you? You think I'm that stupid? I know you've been out with the boys again and left me at home to worry about you. Well, I'm not putting up with it anymore! And I'm not going to the Fall dance with you, either! I'll go with Fatty; at least he's a gentleman."
*Slams door in bewildered hobbit's face*

[ March 23, 2002: Message edited by: ElanorGamgee ]

Luinsewiel

03-23-2002, 12:47 PM

Gandalf and Elrond to the Fellowship: April Fools! you fell for it hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Anarya SilverBranch

03-23-2002, 01:30 PM

Gollum-*singing* Let the sunshine, let the sunshine in!

Gimli to Galadriel- Hey baby, why don't you leave old white haired Celeborn and get to know a real man-uh-dwarf.
Galadriel- Aren't you a little too short for me? Come back when you've grown a cuple more feet.

Aragorn to the mouth of Sauron- Can't we settle this over a nice friendly game of go fish or dominoes?

Lostgaeriel

03-24-2002, 10:36 AM

For fans of the classic movie Casablanca:

The Fellowship of the Ring – The Ring Goes South:
ELROND: For the rest, they shall represent the other Free peoples of the World: Elves, Dwarves, and Men. Legolas shall be for the Elves; and Gimli son of Gloin for the Dwarves. They are willing to go at least to the passes of the Mountains, and maybe beyond. For men you shall have Aragorn son of Arathorn, for the Ring of Isildur concerns him closely.
FRODO: Strider!
ARAGORN: I stick my neck out for nobody.

The Return of the King – The Passing of the Grey Company:
Aragorn prepares to take The Paths of the Dead.
ÉOWYN: But what about us?
ARAGORN: We’ll always have Edoras. We didn’t have, we’d lost it, until you came to Dunharrow. We got it back last night.
ÉOWYN: And I said I would never leave you.
ARAGORN: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of.
ARAGORN: (as he takes the cup) Here’s looking at you kid.

Birdland

03-24-2002, 02:23 PM

Lostgaeriel - I always thought Peter Lorre would make the perfect Gollum.

Kalimac

03-24-2002, 02:36 PM

Birdland - if Peter Lorre is Gollum, how about -

SAM: Mr. Frodo, Gollum unfortunately is no longer available to be our guide to the Crack of Doom.

FRODO: Sam, what happened?

SAM: I'm not quite sure yet if he committed suicide or was stabbed while trying to escape.

Come on, you know Sam was thinking it.

Lostgaeriel

03-24-2002, 03:19 PM

Yeah, I was pegging Gollum as Ugarte (Peter Lorre's character) for these, but couldn't picture which bit of diagloge to use or how to use it. (I kept wanting Frodo to be Rick, too. Then Sam would be Sam.)

You nailed it, Kalimac! Thanks for that one. It's great.

P.S. I've written the ending to Casablanca in Books - If LOTR had been written by someone else!?. Just skip past my Wayne & Shuster sketch to the end of the thread.

Starbreeze

03-24-2002, 03:40 PM

Sam - I'm not hungry, and I don't want any potatoes, leave me alone!

Sam - Oh get lost Frodo - why do I need you?

Frodo - Oh, I love this ring, I'm so glad it came to me!

Gandalf - come here Frodo, I want to tell you everything about the ring.

Bilbo - stuff the dwarves, I'm off!

They're lame I know! smilies/biggrin.gif

muffin_goddess

03-24-2002, 04:07 PM

At the council of Elrond

*People yelling screaming yadda yadda yadda frod sits there staring at floor trieng to count the hairs on his toes there is a vaugue hush and everyone looks at him*
FRODO: what?
GANDALF: ahem
FRODO: What?
BOROMIR: Your supposed to offer to take the ring to Mordor titch.
FRODO: Screw that, I aint goin nowhere near that place, I could be killed, make pretty boy legolas go!

Kalimac

03-24-2002, 07:07 PM

Thanks Lostgaerial - loved your Casablanca dialogue in the other thread, BTW! smilies/smile.gif. It's not that I really see Sam as the "please, I'm only a poor corrupt official" type, but that bit of dialogue really seemed to fit the mood of the parts where it's just the three of them slogging along, Frodo is increasingly out of it, and Sam and Gollum would each love to be rid of the other...

And two more:

Bilbo: "Frodo my lad, if you don't turn down that blasted Elvish music you'll be grounded until our Birthday, hear that?"

Elrond: "I will take the Ring."

[ March 24, 2002: Message edited by: Kalimac ]

Amarinth

03-24-2002, 09:59 PM

hah! i thought this thread was winding down!

elrond to bilbo at dinner table: there is NO spoon!
gollum: me like spiders? mwah-hah-hah! that's sooo precioussss...
gandalf brandishing staff at frodo: ennervate!

---------------------------------------------
every man's life is a path to the truth -- hesse

Eärendil

03-25-2002, 03:15 AM

Haha, oh my, everyone´s so funny.... smilies/biggrin.gif
Just wanted to let you know that I save it , and have printed several pages out in school, smilies/smile.gif am trying to get them all printed out....lol! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

Whoa, I am a Haunting Spirit...weee! smilies/smile.gif

Amarinth

03-25-2002, 04:42 AM

gandalf at moria crossroad: i've no memory of this place...i do not know the way...yet...perhaps if i wear my sorting hat?...

gandalf rescued by gwaihir: to infinity and beyoooooooooooooond!!!

---------------------------------------------
every man's life is a path to the truth -- hesse

Nice-Smeagol

03-25-2002, 04:57 AM

Gandalf to Balrog: You shall not pass, unless you pay the fare like everyone else.

Mouth of Sauron: Oh, you want to see the halflings, they are just this way follow me.
Oh watch youself on the pits of dead slaves.

Witchking to Eowyn: Aaaaaaaagh, don't hurt me.

Frodo to Faramir: Oh, that guy in the pond, now he isn't with us. You can shoot him if you like. smilies/redface.gif

pippin_took0

03-25-2002, 08:58 AM

Gollum: Wow, that speech therapy really paid off, my precious

pippin_took0

03-25-2002, 08:59 AM

Sam to Gollum: Look, I know we haven't always got along in the past, but I think if we sit down and have a talk about our relationship, we can work things out.

pippin_took0

03-25-2002, 09:24 AM

The eagle that rescued Sam & Frodo from Mordor (Gwaihir?):
DEUS EX MACHINA, TO THE RESCUE!

Mara Aoife

03-25-2002, 12:48 PM

Legolas: I missed!

Gimli: I need a hug.

Aragorn: Anybody got a razor?

Boromir: Good job, Aragorn!

Gandalf: Help!

Elrond: *to Council* Shut up!

Samwise

03-25-2002, 02:30 PM

Mara Aoife , hullo! Welcome t' the 'downs!
'Yes, I am with you, Master,' said Sam...'And you're with me. And the journey's finished. But after coming all that way I don't want to give up yet. It's not like me, somehow, if you understand.'"
Sam Gamgee

Samwise

03-25-2002, 02:33 PM

Gollum: I've had it with living in the dark, Preciouss. Let'sss go out and get some ssssun.
Sam looked up into the pale sky, fearing to see hawks or eagles hovering over them with bright unfriendly eyes.
"You do make me feel uncomfortable and lonesome, Strider! " he said.

Huan

03-25-2002, 04:32 PM

Frodo: Can't we all just get along?

Also, see link below for loads of Pulp Fiction quotes (you KNOW it's gonna be good!)

Pulp Tolkien (http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/theories/pulptolk.htm)

Mara Aoife

03-25-2002, 04:53 PM

Thanks, Sam!

I also wanted to say that the other posts have been hilarious!! smilies/biggrin.gif

Olo Gamwich

03-25-2002, 06:29 PM

I dont enjoy typing things that LOTR characters would never say, but more what LOTR characters would never do or things that would never happen.....

*Merry and Pippin discussing last nights episode of Friends

*Legolas accidently shoots Frodo when he aimed at an orc

*When the Balrog approaches, Gandalf pulls out a shotgun

*While running out of the gates of Moria, a large rocks falls on top of Frodo and kills him

*Frodo accidently drops the ring and it cracks in half

ElanorGamgee

03-25-2002, 09:31 PM

Pippin: "Would you guys quit goofing off?"

Gollum: "Nasssty ring! We hates it, we hates it, we hates it forever!"

Gimli Son Of Gloin

03-26-2002, 12:09 AM

Gandalf or Aragorn: Here Pippin, come ride with me!

Gimli: Can't this horse go any faster?

Merry or Pippin: Don't smoke, it's bad for you!

Aragorn or Gandalf: Just burry the ring so we can all go home!

Any good guy: Hi Saruman! Long time no see!

[ July 16, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

[ July 16, 2002: Message edited by: Gimli Son Of Gloin ]

Lush

03-28-2002, 01:27 AM

*giggle giggle*

Elrond (to Arwen): Young lady, what do you think you're doing going out of the house dressed like that?
Arwen: I'm 2000 years old! Get off my case! *slams door*

Eärendil

03-28-2002, 02:07 AM

Lol, Lush, that was a funny one! smilies/biggrin.gif
Why can´t I be as funny as everyone else here...*sigh* smilies/rolleyes.gif

Thinhyandoiel

03-28-2002, 03:03 AM

Didn't read through them all, as there are ALOT of them to read through. So, I'll just put mine down:

Sam: Weeds! Oh, they'd look just lovely next to the perennials, don't you think Mr. Frodo?
Elrond: Isildur, give me the ring.
Isildur: *throws ring into Mount Doom* Can't people pick up their garbage after I take away their power? Sheesh.
Sam: Oh no, ain't no way in hell I'm going to see any Elves, Mr. Frodo. You'll have to tie me up in a sack!
Merry: Pippin? I'm hungry.
Gandalf: Oh, Bilbo's ring! Gimme!
Gimli: God, this beard is just getting in the way! Legolas, hand me that knife of yours, will you?
Legolas: I am not going up that Mountain! Do you have any idea what the cold will do to my skin?
Legolas: Singing's for wimps.
Gandalf: Here, Pippin, hold this Palantir a moment while I adjust my hat.

Aragorn: You touched...my sword.
Boromir: Well, yes but-
Aragorn: You TOUCHED...MY SWORD?!?!

Glorfindel (or Arwen, w/e): Slow DOWN, Asfaloth! I can't see the Nazgul anymore!
Bilbo: I'm quitting smoking!
Legolas: Can I go home now?!
Thranduil: Ale? Wine? What's that?
Uruk-Hai: *at Amon Hen* Boromir! Wonderful to see you! What? These swords? Purely for decoration, I assure you. Come, we have a picnic just down the river and we'd love it if you could join us.
Boromir: *dying* They went that way.
Sauron: I can't get this blasted...ring off my finger! Get me the butter!

Oh, I could think of more, but I figure that was long enough. smilies/smile.gif

Haebrethiliel

03-28-2002, 10:00 AM

okay, i'm not really good at this, but i'm gonna try...

Frodo: The name is Baggins, Frodo Baggins. (pulls his little hobbitsword)

Frodo: (after he saw the eye) Wow, Sauron! I just looooove that mascara! Where did you get it?

Any Ork: look at this cute little Hobbits! Can I keep them, Sauron, please??????

Legolas: Oh rats, I broke another nail!

Gandalf: does this beard make me look old?

Arwen: (after she saw Aragorn) Is that my date? Ewwww... does he never wash his hair?

That' s all I could do, sorry! Hope ya like it!

Lush

03-28-2002, 05:31 PM

Gimli (upon beholding Galadriel): "Heh, guess you could say she took a nose-dive off the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down."

Shadowfax: "That's it, I'm knackered, and your wizardry butt is walkin' to Gondor as far as I'm concerned, be you Gandalf the White, the Grey, or the Red Hot Pink."

Saruman: "Mwahahaha!!! Betcha didn't know I had flood insurance!"

Birdland

03-28-2002, 10:46 PM

Arwen to Aragorn: "Swagger it, swagger it, my little cock-o-whoop."

(Hey, it's canon!)

non_conformist13

03-28-2002, 11:26 PM

Saruman: I shall fart in your general direction! now go, or i shall taunt you a second time!

Selob: I'm claustraphobic!

Sam to Gollum or Frod to Shelob: Bite Me.

Aragorn to the Witchking: You son of a mother less goat!

Witchking to Eowyn: Can I get your number? We should go out sometime. I know this real nice place between the dead and the living, real romantic and all. I think you'd like it...

Sauron: I never meant to hurt anyone, honest.

Gandalf ( in purple, with plungers on his head): There are no orcs in this valley! I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I need to go to the bathroom. This cloak is very constricting, I'm coming home now.
Radaghast: but the fate of Middle Earth rests in your... wizard staff.

mom: What do you want to be when you grow up sam?
Sam: a Sheriff.

Samwise

03-29-2002, 04:21 PM

non_conformist13, hullo and welcome to the 'downs! Be sure an' pos lots!
"There was a lot more," said Sam, "all about Mordor. I didn't learn that part, it gave me the shivers. "

Samwise

03-29-2002, 04:23 PM

Be sure an' pos lots!

Agh....I meant, "POST" lots!
Sam refused to leave his master. He came and sat, curled up at Frodo's feet, where at last he nodded and closed his eyes.

Lush

03-29-2002, 06:15 PM

Frodo to the Eye of Sauron: "You lookin' at me? There ain't nobody else here, you must be lookin' at me."

Niere-Teleliniel

03-30-2002, 12:30 PM

Celeborn to Galadriel: "That's it! I've had it with you, woman! Get back into the kitchen where you belong and take your stupid bowl with you!"

(hehe, we might be over 101 by now smilies/biggrin.gif )

Samwise

03-30-2002, 02:44 PM

We may be.

Gaffer to Sam:
"Elves and Dragons? Boy, howdy, son, I wish I could go see them with you. I've got these boring cabbages and taters t' tend to, though.....
LOTR (Movie) Moment (III) (Second Breakfast)
Pippin stops to cook
Aragorn says there's no time
Apple hits a head.

Copyright 2002 S. Uffelman

Dolenthangiel

03-30-2002, 02:54 PM

quote-Legolas: Oh, a mirror!! Can I keep it, Auntie Galadriel, please!!!

nothing wrong with Legolas...he is perfecton!lol
could i just point somthing out...legolas does not carry a hair brush or anyting...right? then how come his hair is always perfect????

Eärendil

03-30-2002, 03:37 PM

He´s an ELF, that explains it all! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/wink.gif

non_conformist13

03-30-2002, 09:55 PM

well...thanks, i guess, i've actually been here for a while, but that's okay. you guys all have awesome names, especially Samwise, cause he's the best! and your right, Legolas's hair is always perfect, it's creepy.

and hello to everyone! espically people who know Mrs. Thrasher. (ha, now do you know who it is) anyway...

Gimili: "I feel a...love connection"

Gandalf: Oh! Ouch, that darned white flame burned my hand again... ooh that smarts!

Pippin: "oh, what's that? a pint, don't you think you should hold off a little, merry, no one likes a drunk you know..."

Aragorn: flowers are for wusses

smilies/cool.gif

Samwise

03-30-2002, 10:15 PM

Stacey: (Samwise's alter-ego) Oooh. Don't tell him that, he might get a swelled head...
WHAT AM I SAYING!?!?! I'm talking about SAM... Sam: "What's the time? Is it today or tomorrow?"
(LOL! This sounds an awful lot like me when in my "human" form!!)

Iaragarwen

03-30-2002, 11:16 PM

Frodo is in the lair of Shelbob as he's holding Galadriel's phial: Ahhh! is that a dead fly? (he drops the phial) smilies/tongue.gif

Birdland

03-31-2002, 12:00 AM

I'm talking about SAM...
And we can dig it. smilies/cool.gif

ElanorGamgee

03-31-2002, 09:43 PM

Faramir: "Gimmi that ring, halfling!" *pushes Frodo over*

Frodo: "Bilbo, you know I hate poetry."

Gimli (to Legolas): "Oooh, goody, an elf! I've always wanted to meet one! What's your name? I just love your hair!"

Eowyn of Ithilien

04-01-2002, 12:02 AM

Eowyn to Witchking-GURLPOWERRRRRRRRRR!
Aragorn to Gandalf-may the pipeweed be with you
in sleep he sang to me
in dreams he came
that Eye that calls to me
and speaks my name

*I'm lame...and you Princess Bride people worry me!!! smilies/smile.gif*

non_conformist13

04-01-2002, 12:52 AM

princess bride, monty python:search for the holy grail, and the three amigos rock!

Bilbo: on second thought, maybe i shouldn't have given frodo the ring, thereby bestowing the most horrible fate immaginale on him...

Legolas: shut-up you nitwits! i'm trying to listen to my MUSIC! drat, the batteries on my walkman ran out...

Sam: hey, mister frodo, when was the last time you washed your clothes? i'm afraid there's a bit of a stench, and it isn't my doing!

Gimili: oh! darn it! stubbed my toe on a stupid rock. who put this here anyway, it's quite dangerous, might as well just shoot me with an arrow than leave all these stones lying about!

Aragorn: i'm sorry gandalf, but could you take the lead for a while, i believe my allergies are starting to get at me.

Pippin: oh, no, gandalf! what an awful creature you are dealing with, that filthy balrog. wish i could do something, but i think we'll all just stand around in shock and watch you fall into the abyss.

gollum: sssssay PLEASSSSE SSSSSSSam, forss crying out loud, i'll gladly ssssshare with you, but we musssstn't forgetsssssss our mannerssssss, isssn't that rightsssss prescousssssssssssssss?

Altariel

04-01-2002, 01:59 AM

All you people are funnier than me... but...

Sam: Bah... we don't need to see the elves. Elves are losers.

Sauron (to Saruman, through the Palantir): Saruman, have you found the halfling? And... do you think I'm ugly? How come no one comes to visit me anymore? I feel like I have no friends. You're my friend, aren't you, Saruman?

Nazgul: You know, I'm getting tired of all this black... we should all go out and get tie-dyed t-shirts!

Witch-king: Eowyn, do you think we could ever be more than just friends?

Polly Sandybanks

04-01-2002, 03:45 AM

LOL smilies/biggrin.gif

These are all great!! smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Sam: These pots and pans are way too heavy.. I think I'll just leave them here.

Sam (to Frodo): Come with you to Mordor?? No way!! *runs off in other direction*

Vinyaampawen

04-01-2002, 06:04 AM

Aragorn: Legolas, you are too pretty to go with us to Mordor. You will miss your hair appointment and your hair will frizz up on the journey. Did you pack your hair dryer? Remember I want to use it too!

Legolas: Aragorn, you are probably right. I should not go on the trip to Mordor. I can not miss another hair appointment...my hair is such a fright as it is...and have you noticed? My roots are starting to show.

Frodo: But Legolas I was counting on you bringing your hair dryer so that I could blow dry my hair straight. You know it gets so curly in the mountain mist in the morning and I never know what to do with it. I never have a good hair day on the road.

Gandalf: Legolas, I was expecting you to bring your scissors so you could trim my hair and beard...and don't forget we have a hair appointment to color my hair and beard purple for next month's rock concert in Lothlorien. You promised....

Legolas: Yes Gandalf I know. But my roots are starting to show and I will miss another hair appointment if I go on the trip with you, Frodo, Aragorn and everyone else. If I don't keep this appointment, Sauron is going to think I became one of his soldiers and then where will we be? smilies/rolleyes.gif

Vinyaampawen

04-01-2002, 06:05 AM

Nevfeniel

04-01-2002, 03:33 PM

Gandalf to Frodo: I'm not going to lie to you frodo every Man and Dwarf who fought a Nazgul has died. I've seen them punch through mithril. Elves have emptied entire quivers at them and hit nothing but air. Where they have failed you will succeed. There strength is based on wraith-world and because of that they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.
Frodo: Are you saying I can dodge arrows?

Gandalf: I'm saying when the time comes you won't have to.

(this is only funny if you've seen The Matrix)

smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif LOL that was probably the funniest one I've seen yet.

Samwise

04-01-2002, 04:03 PM

Altariel, welcome from Bagshot Row! smilies/smile.gif
~your fireindly neighborhood gardener.
'Yes, I am with you, Master,' said Sam...'And you're with me. And the journey's finished. But after coming all that way I don't want to give up yet. It's not like me, somehow, if you understand.'"
Sam Gamgee

Nevfeniel

04-01-2002, 04:21 PM

Ooh, just thought of something!

Saruman(to Treebeard after looking @ Orthanc) I love what you've done to the place! Will you be my interior decorator full-time?

Rosa Underhill

04-01-2002, 07:08 PM

Aragorn: Mankind's outta gas, we're just circlin' the drain... (Sorry, was watching Titan A.E.)

Beorn to Gwaihir: So where's the wizard?

Gwaihir: Eh, that's where we hit a bit of a gray area...

Beorn *grabs Gwaihir's eye feathers*: You didn't get the wizard?!

Gwairhir: It wasn't my fault! There was this moth!... (Eh, saw Quest for Camelot recently, too.)

Samwise

04-01-2002, 07:54 PM

Rosa??? Is that YOU??? smilies/eek.gif
(Sorry, I'm in sort of a wierd mood today...)
"Bill, my lad, you ought'nt to have took up with us. You could have stayed here and et the best hay till the new grass comes. "
~Sam Gamgee

Samwise

04-01-2002, 08:02 PM

(Back to the topic)
Sam (about Bill) That old nag?? What'n blazes do we wanna take HIM for?? What? ME lead 'im? No way, I ain't touchin' the flea-bitten beast."
(And I KNOW Sam wouldn't say this, 'cause I recently read what happened at the entrance to the Mines of Moria....*sniffle* smilies/frown.gif --Why don't they have one of these little faces that's bawling!?!? )
It was Sam who had insisted on choosing him, declaring that Bill (as he called him) would pine if he did not come.
"That animal can nearly talk," he said, "and would talk, if he stayed here much longer. He gave me a look as plain as Mr. Pippin could speak it: if you don't let me go with you, Sam, I'll follow on my own. " smilies/frown.gif smilies/frown.gif smilies/frown.gif

Samwise

04-01-2002, 08:04 PM

Samwise

04-01-2002, 08:06 PM

Elenya

04-01-2002, 09:43 PM

The crew at Helm's Deep (in unison):
War! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! War! Huh! Sing it again!

The Fellowship:
We are Men! We're Men in Tights! (Tight Tights!)

Frodo turns to Sam at the top of the mountain at the end of the fellowship:
"Just the two of us! We can make it if we try! Just the two of us! You and I!"

The little French midget (from The Man with The Golden Gun) to Saruman:
The Ring! The Ring, Boss! The Ring!

Gandalf on Orthanc: Where's my Nimbus 2000 when I need it? All the other wizards have them! Except for Saruman, the lucky jerk; he got a Firebolt!

It's late and I'm tired, so I understand if you don't get them!

Kalimac

04-01-2002, 10:38 PM

Hello, Rosa! Where on earth did you come from?

Elrond: Do you hear that sound, Mr. Witchking? It is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of...your death.

The Ringwraiths: We are the Ringwraiths who don't do anything/We just stay at home and lie around! (Apologies to anyone who hasn't seen Veggie Tales at some point).

Sam: Mr. Frodo, you're so wrong it's not even funny.

Any Hobbit: Yes, I know exactly where we are! Geography was always my favorite class!

Arwen: Estel, I've decided to move back to Lothlorien. No, it's not like that at all! I had a great job offer there and, well, we'll be all right! We'll talk over the palantir every evening. You see, we both need the space.

Bilbo: Frankly, Frodo my lad, the best thing I ever did was bequeathing you that Ring. Pretty narrow shave for me there, huh?

Denethor: Whanne that Aprille with sweete shoures soote.

Nevtalathiel

04-02-2002, 09:27 AM

LOL everyone, they're really funny nad I coulndn't resist having a go myself, though they're probably not as good

Aragorn:Why do I have to have this old broken sword? I want a new one! *stamps foot, scowls nad goes off in a sulk*

Aragorn to frodo at the Prancing Pony:I really loved that disappearing trick, will you teach me how to do it?

Treebeard:We were quite glad to be rid of those ent-wives, they were SO annoying!

Galadriel at the hairdresser:Cut it off, cut it all off!

Gwaihir to Gandalf:No I don't want to carry you, you've got feet use them!

pippin_took0

04-02-2002, 09:49 AM

Aragorn (to Arwen): You can't give me this
Arwen: It is mine to give to- hey, you're right, it would be totally wasted on you

Legolas: Child of the 60s! Peace and love is the answer!

saruman: I give up. I'm going to get a REAL job.

pippin_took0

04-02-2002, 09:58 AM

Oooh I thought of more:

Aragorn (at Dimrill Dale): Well, Frodo and Sam have gone to Mordor, there's not much more we can do. I call it a day. Let's go home.

Gimli (about the mountain): Over it, under it, makes no difference to me!

Galadriel: will you look into my birdbath?

Galadriel: INSTEAD OF A DARK LORD YOU SHALL HAVE- Oh, actually, I don't think so. Green's not really my colour

Haldir: How did you creep up on us like that?

Galadriel (when offered the Ring): Rings of power? They are SO last age!

frodo: Sam, Gandalf said I should take someone I trust with me to Mordor. Come on Boromir, are you realy yet?

Perethil

04-02-2002, 10:28 AM

legolas: keep that doobie going!

nazgul: i come in peace

aragorn: No time for the old in-out, love. I've just come to read the meter.

thorin oakenshield: u know, sometimes i think, what is all this gold truly FOR?

sam: master frodo, you know i love you very much, but im just... not into that kind of thing.

sauron: ring, shming, im tired of all this.

gandalf: (after being offered some pipe weed) no thanks! ill go without!

bilbo: u know, sometimes i remember that whole lonely mountain thing, and i just think: what an utter waste of time!

Manwe: the elves and men are suffering for nothing! let us help them!

frodo: strider, take a BATH!!

pippin_took0

04-03-2002, 02:54 AM

Here's another one I thought of last night while I was falling asleep, so if you don't get it, I'm not really surprised; insomnia doesn't make for the best sense of humour.

Saruman in the scouring of the Shire: Welcome home my dear halfling friends, I hope your journey was good. I've taken every care to ensure that the Shire is just as you left it, if not better!

Menewilwarin of Mirkwood

04-03-2002, 04:01 AM

These are so very very good - here is my humble attempt...

Bill, Tom or Bert (the trolls): say, why don't we let these dwarves go, i mean i'm really really full now... smilies/biggrin.gif

Samwise

04-03-2002, 11:34 AM

Menewilwarin an' Perithil, hullo!
~your friendly neighborhood gardener.
"You'd better be hidden, Mr. Frodo." said Sam. "We'll send this rider to the rightabouts! "

Nuranar

04-03-2002, 01:25 PM

Gandalf ( in purple, with plungers on his head): There are no orcs in this valley! I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I need to go to the bathroom. This cloak is very constricting, I'm coming home now.
Radaghast: but the fate of Middle Earth rests in your... wizard staff.

The Ringwraiths: We are the Ringwraiths who don't do anything/We just stay at home and lie around! (Apologies to anyone who hasn't seen Veggie Tales at some point).

non_conformist13 and Kalimac, you rock! VeggieTales is the greatest!!

Ruthwen

04-04-2002, 05:58 AM

Okay, I went a little crazy and came up with loads... but I won't post them all now, just a few. If they're very bad, throw random things at me and I'll go away. smilies/wink.gif

Éowyn - Don't ask me! I'm blonde.

Túrin - Mmm. Incest.

Random elf - Varda's not that great.

Bilbo - Ack! Writers' block!

Denethor - Hi, I'm Denethor, and I'm a pyromaniac.

Saruman - *sitting behind a Palantír* First you must cross my palm with silver.

Boromir, Faramir and Denethor - I love you, you love me, we're a happy family!

Aragorn - Sorry, I just can't be bothered.

Faramir - *sneaking furtively up to the Palantír* Hello? Is that Childline?

Ioreth - I'm taking a vow of silence.

Sam (to Frodo) - The Ring? No! I thought YOU had it!

Eärendil - Oh, God, what a time to get seasick!

Gandalf - Do I LOOK like I have all the answers?

Gandalf - *politely to Gwaihir* Could you please let me down? I'm scared of heights.

Denethor - *holding a pot of red paint and grinning madly* I always thought the White Tower was a bit plain!

Found written in Denethor's Palantír - All work and no play make Denethor a dull boy.

Okay, that's enough for now.

Nevtalathiel

04-04-2002, 06:01 AM

LOL Ruthwen, post more! smilies/biggrin.gif

Ruthwen

04-04-2002, 07:26 AM

Well... okay, since you asked so nicely. smilies/smile.gif

Éowyn - *wearing an apron* Faramir, baby, your dinner's ready!

Arwen (to Aragorn) - Just tell me what there is between you and Éowyn!

Sauron - You know, I think I'll convert to Buddhism.

Gimli - *nibbling lembas* It's a bit plain... got any jam?

Sam - I just don't see what's so bad about Gollum!

Sauron - 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... NAZGÛL ARE GO!

Aragorn - If I tell you my real name, I'll have to kill you.

Legolas - *looking, panicked, at a bow* You mean you want me to USE this thing?

Gimli - *looking outraged* So this is JUST an orc thing! Well, orcs have feelings too! I can't believe you want me to hurt people on the grounds of race!

Beorn - Mmm, ponies. Tasty.

Smaug - This world is too materialistic. I want to go back to nature.

Maeglin - Ah, well. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Éowyn (to Théoden) - Oh, please, uncle, let me stay at home!

Random Nazgûl - Peace and love to all! Gather round, join hands...

Elrond - GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!

Goldberry (to Tom Bombadil) - Flowers again? Just what are you feeling guilty about?

Shagrat - Aww, c'mon, guys, let's not fight.

Nienna - If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! *Clap clap*

Legolas - Hey, cool, a Balrog! Always wanted to see one of those.

Aragorn (to Arwen) - Listen, sweetheart, while I still love you very much, I've been having some doubts about my *ahem* romantic preferences.

Okay, my wrists are hurting. smilies/rolleyes.gif More later, maybe.

Nevtalathiel

04-04-2002, 07:53 AM

Please more smilies/frown.gif

Aragorn (to Arwen) - Listen, sweetheart, while I still love you very much, I've been having some doubts about my *ahem* romantic preferences.

LOL smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Aragorn Husband of Arwen

04-04-2002, 04:09 PM

Gandulf: Deserves it? Daresay...

Ken Starr: Excuse me, are you Ian McKellen?

Gandulf: Well yes, but I'm busy at the moment.

Ken Starr: Ian McKellen, this a paper stating that you are being sued.

Gandulf: What the heck? Be gone! For I weld the power of fire and all that stuff!

Ken Starr: Sir McKellen, its just a show. Come with me please.

Gandulf: But why?

Ken Starr: Well you see, I've sued and gotten rid of the real people, now I'm getting rid of those who play act as them. Come with me.

Altariel

04-04-2002, 06:11 PM

Faramir: Eowyn, Eowyn, do you not love me?
Eowyn: Ewww, no! I'm leaving you, Faramir... for Merry.

Tom Bombadil: I'm so depressed.

Sauron: Rule Middle Earth? Whatever gave you that idea? Why can't we all just be friends?

Frodo: Hey, Sauron, I brought you your Ring back!
Sauron: Excellent! Care for some tea?

Denethor: I'm scared of fire.

Glorfindel/Arwen (to the Nazgul): The hobbit? Oh, sure, you can have him. I thought you wanted my horse.

Samwise

04-05-2002, 02:06 PM

Ruthwen and Altariel, welcome!
~your friendly neighborhood gardener. Out of the shadows a ladder was let down. Legolas ran lightly up, and Frodo followed slowly; behind came Sam, trying not to breathe loudly.

Eärendil

04-05-2002, 02:56 PM

I say the same, welcome! smilies/smile.gif

Now, could someone tell me how to come up with as funny things as you..? It doesn´t seem to work for me... smilies/frown.gif*wishing that someday...someday I manage to come up with something quite funny* smilies/rolleyes.gif

Elenya

04-05-2002, 04:26 PM

Elrond: And for the dwarfs, you shall have Gimli, sin of Gloin, brother of Doc, Sleepy, Happy, Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy and Bashful.

That's all I can think of!

Lothiriel Silmarien

04-05-2002, 04:28 PM

There are some really funny ones! Ok I love making up these lines but deal with me cuz either I have too much to say or I have a lot to say but just forgot it!
(the picture right after the Fellowship is chosen to go to Mordor-all lined up):

Aragorn: (to himself) I am so damn good looking.Wait, I should be more modest......no, I'm still hot.

Boromir: psst, Frodo. What's happening again? I kinda lost track cuz we were here for so long! Does my hair look ok? Frizzy...yes,no? Ok. By the way, I see someone is working out!!

Legolas: (to himself)We better hurry up cuz my hair is gonna get frizzy! Um, excuse me Elrond, do you think we can make a quick stop at the Orc n' fun Beauty Shop? I hear they do great styles. No? Ok, it was only a question.

Gimli: I definetly agree with Legolas, I mean look at my beard. HELLOOO! What ev, Elrond. (to Legolas) We can make a pit stop at Moria. They do awesome cuts and styling.

Legolas: Really? They're still in business? Ok, great!

Merry: Excuse me Legolas, I'd like to have a turn to say something now!

Legolas: Ok,soorry!!

Merry: (long pause)......Ok thanks Legolas, now I forgot!

Pippin: Hey, can we stop somewhere on the way to Mordor? I wanna get drunk again! Oh, by the way Aragorn, me and Arwen had a great time last night....you might wanna talk to her cuz I think she has a change of plans about you. She has issues anyway.

Gandalf: Yeah Aragorn, Pippin's right. But anyway, stop fussing about your needs...I AM an Istari afterall, so I get to choose where we can make pitstops. Anyway, me and Saruman have plans. He just got a whole stock of weed, and well....come on it's Longbottom Leaf!!!

Aragorn: Really? Pippin, how could you!!!...I feel I could cry. No, nevermind. I never really liked her anyway. I know, doesn't she!!? (to himself)I can get someone else anyway, cuz afterall, I am so damn fine!

Sam: Mr. Frodo, sir, I'm as giddy as a schoolboy! I can't wait to go with you on vacation to Mordor!! It sounds like fun. Oh, crappidy-crap, I forgot my visor! Do you think they'll sell any down there?

Frodo (singing along to Nickelback)It's too bad, it's stupid, too late's so wrong....Oh what, did you say something Sam? Oh and check out Boromir. I think he's checking out my butt! I mean, I always thought I was cute but come on now!.... I'm no Elijah Wood!

Merry: Ok, thanks people! Let's not forget this hobbit! Oh, and Gandalf, I'm all for Isengard! I mean, that weed won't smoke itself!!!

Gandalf: Thank you!!!!!

Elrond: Hey, hey people, this is a council meeting, not an open meet n' greet discussion group. You have to take this seriously, you have a VERY important quest!!!

Fellowship: (long pause).....Yeah... um right!

Gandalf: Oh, yeah, and I hear that Saruman has this nice little nook where you could get your hair done and stuff, it's great!! Who do you think trims my beard so good?!

Legolas: Really! Oh wow, that's fantastic!

Boromir: Sounds good to me!

Elrond: Oh come on...they're never gonna make it past Orcs even the orcs were prancing on their way to kill them. Hey, and Pippin! How dare you speak of my daughter like that! She is a noble elven lady of high stature and you have no right to speak of her in such ways!!

Arwen: (drunker than Pippin on St. Patrick's Day) heeeeeeeeeey what's up my peeps!! Going somewhere?????? Hey, had a great time last night Pippin, thanks....(goes up to one of the elves that came with Legolas) hey...you look familiar! ANNIAR! Oh yeah, now I remember you...we had fun that night, remember???? You and me, in the gazebo when Aragorn was away.

(Anniar looks nervously at Aragorn, meanwhile Aragorn is busy shooting dirty looks at Arwen)

Elrond: ....I give up, I'm going back to Valinor!

[ April 05, 2002: Message edited by: Lothiriel Silmarien ]

Lothiriel Silmarien

04-05-2002, 05:20 PM

I got more.

Sauron: Hey, Frodo, sup my man. Sit down for some lunch. Oh, could you pass the salt? Sorry, could you please pass the salt.

Aragorn: I am Aragorn, son on Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor. Begone, and thou shall no longer be a threat to my people.

Sauron: Hey sup my new neighbor! I never meant to be a threat though. Can't we all be friends here?

Frodo: Yeah Aragorn, chill. Sauron's cool, and he also makes a great cup o' tea.

Aragorn: Sauron, I see behind thy mask, and thou's evil ways....tea? Ooh, sounds good count me in neighby!

Gandalf: Hey!!! Aragorn, do not be tempted. Sauron is evil and he wishes to destroy us all, and take power for himself!

Sauron: Gandalf, please. Come on, I'm only trying to be nice. And I would never want to "destroy" everyone!! Besides, who would I have tea with?

Gandalf: Aragorn, you musn't believe him, he will destroy you!

Sauron: I've asked you nicely, could you stop that please!

Gandalf: HE WILL DESTROY YOU!! ARAGOOOORN!!

Sauron: Ok, that's it. I've had enough of you! (blows up Gandalf)

Aragorn and Frodo: About time, thanks Sauron, he was getting on my nerves!

Sauron: No problem, I know wasn't he!?

[ April 05, 2002: Message edited by: Lothiriel Silmarien ]

Birdland

04-05-2002, 08:23 PM

Mouth of Sauron:
(with apologies to Mel Brooks)

Springtime for Sauron and Gorgoroth,
Mordor is happy and gay.
We're heading out to stomp the King,
Look out, here comes the Ruling Ring.

Springtime for Sauron and Gorgoroth,
Winter for Gondor and Bree.
Springtime for Sauron and Gor-go-roth!
Come on, Orcs and sing it with meeeeee!

(Stompity-Stomp-Stomp, Stomp STOMP)

I was born in Middle-Earth and that is why they call me Lurtz!

(Stompity-Stomp, Stompity-Stomp, Stompity-Stompity STOMP)

Don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazgûl party!

mordor136

04-05-2002, 09:10 PM

gandalf walks to window and chunks a three year old sandwich a a figure and puuls in sam.

gandalf: what were you doing spying?

sam: i came to see mr. frodo naked.

gandalf: perfectly understandable. what were you saying frodo?

Lhunbelethiel

04-05-2002, 11:25 PM

Frodo: "I will take the ring, though I do not know the way... And I sure won't ask for directions!"

Merry or Pippin: "No, I'm really actually NOT that hungry, thanks."

Gollum: "You know, a facial and some sunlight might do me some good!"

(apologies if people posted similar ideas before, I haven't read them all)

Altariel

04-06-2002, 02:16 PM

Arwen: Aragorn, I've decided to marry Legolas.
Aragorn: But... I thought you loved me!
Arwen: Well, you're really sweet... but you're just not what I look for in a man. Mortality's not really my thing. Sorry, honey.

Denethor: Monarchy is great. I can't wait for that Aragorn dude to be crowned King!

Aragorn: (at Weathertop) Take these flaming sticks! They fear fire!
Nazgul: Oh, no, you've got us all wrong. We were wondering if you wanted to roast marshmallows with us?

Celeborn: I love Dwarves.

Sauron: (To the Nazgul) The Ring?! You idiots! I wanted you to invite the Fellowship over for dinner!

Sauron: You know, I never really liked rings that much. Let's forget this whole ring thing. I'm making me a necklace!

Random Rohirrim: I hate horses. We should get bikes.

Isildur: I will not destroy the Ring.
Elrond: All right then, I will! * he kicks Isildur*

Morgoth: I'm not evil. All I ever wanted was a little attention. I need a hug...

Lush

04-06-2002, 11:34 PM

Kalimac, was that a Chaucer reference on page 5, or am I going insane?

Bear with me, some of these are definitely movie references!:

Elrond: "Sauron toked weed, man."
Gandalf: "Absolutely he toked weed!"

Lúthien: "I'll never let go, Beren! I'll never let go."

Legolas: "To the Sea! To the Sea! I really need to start working on my tan, it's almost summer, for Eru's sake!"

Aragorn: "Mrs. Éowyn, are you trying to seduce me?"

Kalimac

04-07-2002, 03:14 AM

Lush - ha! I love it! smilies/smile.gif ("I'll never let go, Beren!") And yes, that was a Chaucer reference - though to be honest, there are some things in the Canterbury Tales that Denethor was MUCH more unlikely to ever say (erm, The Miller's Tale, anyone?) but I wanted to be at least somewhat decorous.

Today's theme is: Quotes from musicals. Hope these are at least vaguely comprehensible....I really am going to sleep in a minute.

Denethor: What good is sitting alone in your tomb? Come, hear the music play! Life is a Cabaret, Perian, only a Cabaret!

Shagrat: Why I must travel to a distant land, Far from the Orc I love?
(yes, I ripped this one off my other thread).

Gimli: Wear my hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah I adore it ... Why don't my mother love me? Talkin' bout HAIIRRRR....

Legolas: Sixteen kills and whaddaya get, another day older and deeper in debt!

Aragorn: Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!

Frodo: So please sir, If you run into the Dark Lord, Don't reveal my little...errand, Just leave well enough alone. Hush up! Don't tell Sauron, Shush up, don't tell Sauron...

Arwen: You promise me this, You promise me that, You promise me everything under the sun, Then you hear that d*mn horn and you're grabbing your sword And you're off to the slaughter again! When I think of the time gone by -

Aragorn: Arwen! Arwen!

Arwen: When I think that for you, I'd DIE!

Aragorn: Arwen! Arwen!

Arwen: I could honestly cry...

Lothiriel Silmarien

04-07-2002, 01:18 PM

Sam: Mr. Frodo, I won't leave your side, never! (suddenly looks to a horse) Hey this is a pretty b*tchin horse, if you can't walk, that's too bad cuz I'm leavin!

Eowyn(as Dernhelm)-Merry, here come on the horse with me, and go under my cloak so none will see you.

Merry: OK.....heeeey, you ain't a guy!

[ April 07, 2002: Message edited by: Lothiriel Silmarien ]

Rosa Underhill

04-08-2002, 01:27 AM

One of the trolls from "The Hobbit": Hey, pass the mutton, guys! Mm-boy do I love mutton!

Sauron (to any of the races of Middle-earth): Live long and prosper. No, wait...

Merry and Pippin sitting in a corner, snickering, holding a book.
Frodo: What're you guys laughing at? What's so funny?
Pippin: *snicker* Oh, nothing...Bingo!
Frodo: What? Where did you hear that?! *grabs book, which turns out to be "The Return of the Shadows"* Christopher, how could you?! Why? WHY?!

Gimli *at barber's shop*: How do you think I'd look with a goatee? Not good, eh. Well, then... Ah, just cut it off! Yes, all of it! I'm sick of getting food and small woodland creatures tangled in there anyways, makes it hard to hold my head up high, y'know.

Gollum: Well, Dr. Gamgee, I guess it all started when we was young. You see, we had this nasssty cousin, Deagol, wouldn't share anything at all with us, gollum...

greyhavener

04-08-2002, 10:54 PM

Galdalf: Merry & Pippin I'm going to tell you why I brought you. Hobbit wrestling. The Ringwraiths love it. Gimli's gonna serve beers in a mithril bikini, you guys are gonna oil up and wrestle while Frodo and Sam sneak into Mordor.

Rimbaud

04-09-2002, 08:26 AM

Gandalf: I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

Saruman (shaking his 'money-maker'): I'm just too bootylicious for you, babe!

Flukkie

04-09-2002, 08:38 AM

The Ainur: Hey Iluvatar! Lets make some real hardrock! smilies/biggrin.gif

ElfRayor

04-09-2002, 12:31 PM

u coppied from an other topic!!!!! smilies/mad.gif

Flukkie

04-09-2002, 12:42 PM

Hu?
I didn't
At least it was not my intention
sorry...

Nazgûl

04-09-2002, 03:35 PM

Gandalf: I'm tired throw the ring in that crader and we will call it a day.
Frodo: hey Sam your looking hot tonight.
Pippin drunk: Screw the mission I'm going to get with that Legolas babe.
Aregorn: That old screeching dude on the horse seems nice give him the ring around your neck.
Bilbo to Gollum: nana nana boo boo I got your ring.
Aregorn to Legolas: dude I thinkArewen likes me.
Sam to Frodo: HA HA!! Dude you just got stabbed.
Sam to pippen: I think Frodo likes me.
Arewen: screw you I'm taking eternal life.
Frodo: Hey a cave troll stabbed me. Wait a minute this doesn't happen in the books . You got this thing stabbing me and it's not even in the book.
Gandalf: you know this adventering thing just isn't me i'm going to quit and be a cheif.
Aregor: jumping into Frodo's: arms hide me I'm scared.
Pippen: I think I'll fast today

[ December 04, 2002: Message edited by: Nazgul ]

Vinyamarien

04-09-2002, 03:47 PM

PALANTIR: "The person you're calling is temporarily not avilable.Please try again later..."

Lush

04-09-2002, 06:14 PM

Um, Zones? It was I who stole, though I prefer the term 'borrowed.' I said so at the beginning of my thread. So save your frowning face for another day, darling.

Quenyachick

04-10-2002, 07:56 AM

Saruman (at the scouring of the shire) - Welcome!! welcome home hobbits! i am officially in charge of prty procedings fpr the day! Welcome!!

Eowyn - Isn't the W.I like the best! i gotta join that!

Theoden - Narsil! Really?? Wow bring that right on in Aragorn.

Pippin - So the sum of the hypotenuse is equal to.....

K th@s all this is fun-e
smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif smilies/rolleyes.gif

Ahanarion

04-10-2002, 08:48 AM

Eru: Of the theme...(the Ainur here something drop)
Eru really faint: Where the hell is my microphone?
Melkor: Ha! I have the microphone of Eru I am now all powerful!
Manwe: No you can talk really loud but that's it.
Melkor: Really?
Manwe: Yea.
Tulkas: Let's see who can chug the most mead!
Aule: Yea!
Ulmo: Yea!
Varda: Your all so imature.

Excerpt from Ainulindale: The College Years

Ahanarion

04-10-2002, 09:57 AM

Ringwraiths: Oompah loompah doompah dee doo we are here to suffocate you!
Sam: Yesterday I shot a Oliphaunt in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Rosa Underhill

04-10-2002, 02:24 PM

Veggie Tales fans will understand this one fully. The rest of you....just nod and smile. smilies/biggrin.gif

THE ENGLISH-HOBBIT WHO WENT TO THE SOUTHFARTHING (AND CAME BACK WITH ALL THE PIPE-WEED)

Merry: I am the English-hobbit who went to the Southfarthing and came back with all the pipe-weed, leaving the inhabitants of the Shire with no pipe-weed and bestowing the term 'selfish' upon myself.

Sam: Well, are y'goin' t'smoke it?

Merry: Of course not! Everyone knows that you can't smoke good pipe-weed without a nice pint!

Pippin: I am the Scotts-hobbit who went to the Green Dragon (and all inns between the Hill and the Water) and came back with all the ale, leaving the inhabitants of the Shire with no ale and bestowing the term 'selfish' upon myself.

Frodo: So, are you going to drink it?

Pippin: No. You can't have ale without some good pipe-weed. *looks at Merry*

Merry: *looks at Pippin* Um, pardon me Mr. Scotts-hobbit, might I trouble you for a pint?

Pippin: Ah, no.... Exucuse Mr. English-hobbit, could I borrow some pipe-weed?

Merry: Um....no.

Sam: You guys aren't very bright.

THE END

Feel free to throw all manner of rotten foodstuffs at me now. The preceeding was based entirely upon the short film "The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill (And Came Down With All the Bananas)" by Big Idea Productions; to be found on the Veggie Tales video "King George and the Ducky". Thank you.

Elenya

04-10-2002, 04:06 PM

To all you Monty Python fans out there:

"We are the wraiths who say 'Nee!'. We demand that you bring us a...Shrrrrubbery! Wait, wait, that's not it.....Ah yes. We demand that you bring us a...Rrrring!"

Gate-keeper at Mordor: Halt! Who goes there?
Frodo: It is I, Frodo, son of Drogo Baggins, from the village of Hobbiton. Bearer of the Ring,
...and this is my trusty servant Sam. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search Mt. Doom, where I can throw the ring in. I must speak with your lord and master.
G-K: You're a hobbit carryin’ a ring!
Frodo: What?
G-K: You’re a hobbit! You can’t bear the One Ring!
Frodo: So? We have ridden since the stench of death in this land, through the kingdom of Mordor, through-
G-K: Where'd you get the ring?
Frodo: I inherited it.
G-K: Inherited it? From who? The ring's tropical!
Frodo: What do you mean?
G-K: Well, this is a temperate zone.
Frodo: The ring may go south with the elf or the ringwraiths or the dwarfs may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
G-K: Are you suggesting rings migrate?
Frodo: Not at all. They could be carried.
G-K: What? A dwarf carrying a ring?
Frodo: It could carry it on a chain!
G-K: It's not a question of how he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A hobbit could not carry a one pound ring.

Pippin - So the sum of the hypotenuse is equal to.....
Love it! smilies/biggrin.gif We just finished triangles in math the other day!

Nazgûl

04-10-2002, 07:06 PM

That made no sense. I fart in your general direction. I wave my privat parts at your anties your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of beldaberries. now go away before I have to taunt you a second time. smilies/biggrin.gif

Nazgûl

04-10-2002, 07:09 PM

[ December 04, 2002: Message edited by: Nazgul ]

Kalimac

04-10-2002, 08:54 PM

LOL, Rosa! smilies/biggrin.gif . (And yes, I have seen "King George and the Duckie" - during a college study break, of all places smilies/smile.gif).

Olo Gamwich

04-10-2002, 09:50 PM

Pippin: "Are you crazy, Aragorn! Don't go that way, you'll kill us all"

Sam: "Frodo, your sword is glowing green!"\
Frodo: "Hmm...the batteries must be running low"

Birdland

04-10-2002, 09:54 PM

I love this thread...yes, I do... smilies/biggrin.gif

Vinyaampawen

04-11-2002, 12:13 PM

Aragorn: Honey, I'm home!

Arwen: Ah, my love! What a surprise! Why did you not tell me that you were coming home? I would have had the castle cleaned. It is such a mess at the moment. (Arwen looks down the hall worried that Legolas may awaken...oh! oh!)

Aragorn: Arwen, why are you looking so nervous? I thought you would be happy to see me. What's going on"

Arwen: Why nothing my love...Err....we have a house guest...Legolas is sleeping in his quarters...he came over for dinner last night and was a little too drunk to hit the road again...I thought of calling a cab but he was too out of it to ask him where he wanted to go.

Aragorn: Legolas here! You never told me he was going to come over...so what happened?

Arwen: Why nothing my love...we just had dinner...but he brought over the main course...well, it ended up being the main course.

Aragorn: (his suspicions rising...) So what was it dear? What did he bring over? (Aragorn...I am going to run a sword through that elf yet!)

Arwen: Why my dear! He brought over some whipped cream. He said that he had eaten it at Granny Galadriel's house when he was there for dinner. I told him that Granny did not send me the recipe so I did not have it in the castle...he volunteered to bring it over...he was quite giddy about it. (Arwen thinks...boy now I am in trouble...Ah well...I'll have to fake Aragorn out...)

Aragorn: Whipped cream! Ah...yes I had some in the New World...wondrous stuff? So what were you and Legolas doing with the whipped cream? (he gives Arwen the evil eye...)

Arwen: Do with it? What are you talking about? I told you we ate it for dinner? Are you suggesting we would do something with it? So how would you know what someone would do with whipped cream? (Arwen thinks...the best defense is a good offense...whew!)

Aragorn: (slight flustered..) Now don't change the subject...I asked what did you two do with the whipped cream...(Aragorn thinks "God I am in trouble now!).

Arwen: I told you we ate it for dinner then you asked what did we "do" with it? What does one do with whipped cream Aragorn other than eat it. I can tell you are not telling me everything...now out with it!

Aragorn: You are imagining things again...

Arwen: Oh yeah...so why is your face turning red. Look at me...see you cannot even look at me...I knew it! Who was it this time...another Visgoth?

Aragorn: Arwen! Arwen! You know you are my only love...how can you accuse me...anyway..you never answered my question...what did you and Legolas do last night?

Arwen: We had dinner! (tapping her foot!)

Sorry...more later...I gotta run.
Vinyaampawen

Belin

04-13-2002, 12:29 PM

Saruman (very raspily): WORMTONGUE! Bring me my lozenges!!

(as Frodo, Sam, and Gollum wander around Mordor)
Sam:Froodo! He's looking at me!
Gollum: He sstarted it!
Sam: I think he's giving me the evil eye....
Frodo: Would you two shut up?!
(A pause)
Sam: Are we there yet?

[ April 13, 2002: Message edited by: Belin ]

Susan Delgado

04-14-2002, 06:03 AM

Galadriel or Celeborn (either one) to the other: I want a divorce!

that second one is really funny, Belin

Rose Cotton

04-15-2002, 05:46 AM

OOOOKaaay. Gonna give it another try.

(At The Prancing Pony)
STRIDER: And who would you take up with? A fat innkeeper who only remembers his name because people shout it at him all day?
BUTTERBUR: What a great idea Strider! Sure, I'll take the Hobbits to Rivendell. Who's comin with me?
PIPPIN:Me!
MERRY:Me too!
FRODO:I'm comming!
SAM:And me!
BUTTERBUR:Well then, let's be off.
(Strider stands in shock as the four hobbits march out the door behind Butterbur waving goodbye as they go)
STRIDER:*shrugs* Oh well, I'm sure Gandalf won't mind.

BILBO: I have decided to give Baggend to my beloved relitives, the Sackville-Bagginses.
SBs:Oh, you don't have to Bilbo. We don't realy want the place anyway.

BOROMIR:There is evil there that does not sleep.
(A bunch of orcs dressed in night clothes walks up to the council)
ORCS:Um, escuse us, but do you think you could keep the shouting down? Sauron is trying to sleep.

I realize this isn't very funny.