Things they'd NEVER say

[Pookabunny]

Okay people here's an opportunity to express our Tookish sides and be silly. I'd like to see what you, fellow downers, can write that you'd NEVER hear LOTR characters say. Here are a few:

Gandalf: Don't make me go in there! I'm scared!

Aragorn: Ooh Boromir, you have no idea what that HORN does for me...

Saruman: Sauron, you don't call anymore..
Sauron: well, I been busy
Saruman: What, taking over middle earth is better and more important than ME??!?!?!

Sam: (pushes Frodo) NO! ME FIRST!

Galdalf: Puff, puff, give! Man you're messin up the rotation!

...more to come....

you know, like that smilies/evil.gif smilies/tongue.gif

[ November 24, 2002: Message edited by: Pookabunny ]

[the phantom]

Sam: I give up.

Aragorn: Forget Arwen, Eowyn's lookin' good today.

Gimli: Galadriel aint all that great.

[Pookabunny]

Aragorn: Ouch!

Legolas: well, you know what they say about men's fixation with sword length...that's why I'm a bow-man.

Gimli: man just once, let me ride Shadowfax...

Elrond: You have only one choice. The ring MUST be destroyed...mister anderson...

Aragorn: Does this make me look fat?

[Meela]

Pippin: im going on a diet.

Sam: good idea! me too.

Merry: me too!!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Moving this thread to Middle-Earth Mayhem...

[dragoneyes]

It's a moving topics into middle-earth mayhem spree! Ok, so it was only two topics. Anyway...

Treebeard: Hurry up and get on with it!

[Max]

SAURON: Why can't we be friends.

SARUMAN: You're right Gandalf.

LEGOLAS: No really, I'm gay.

ARWEN: I just had a thought.

ARAGRON: Stupid honor, stupid Arwen, stupid sword

ELROND: I have no clue, what was the question?

PIPPIN: The theory of relativity states . . .

SAM: Precioussssss

FRODO: God, Mordor's beautiful this time of year.

GANDALF: Well, ok I'll tell you every thing.

GIMLI: But I heard from Frodo, Gladriel thinks size didn't matter

CELEBORN: Get in the kitchen Gladriel

GLADRIEL: Yes, dear.

[VanimaEdhel]

*Getting a bit sarcastic and is sorry for it*
Galadriel: No! Really! My name really is Gladriel!
*Sorry, just saw two completely different topics in this room where is was spelled Gladriel, so I got a bit indignant*

Glorfindel: Look! I'm in the movie! Me and Tommy-boy! Right there! You see us there?

Glorfindel: Ah, screw it. Let the stupid little Halfling save himself...

Orcs at the gates of Mordor:
Welcome to Mordor
Such a perfect town
But we have some rules
Let us lay them down.
Don't make waves, stay in line
And we'll get along find.
Mordor is a perfect place.
Please keep of the corpses
Shin your shoes, wipe your...face.
Mordor is, Mordor is,
Mordor is a peeeeeeerfeeeeeeect plaaaaaaaaaaace!
(Courtesy of "Shrek")

[Manwe Sulimo]

Denethor: Let's go play catch or something, Faramir!

Bilbo: You know, I'll make Pippin write the book!

Elrond: Never before has anyone dared speak the tongue of Mordor in Imladris....could you do it again? It was pretty cool.

Sam: Hmmm....Rosie? Rosie who?

Frodo: Here, Boromir. I didn't like it anyway.

Arwen: (says something that has nothing to do with her pendent)

Aragorn: I can make myself invisible with this here Invisibility Cloak, but to do so WITHOUT one....now that is a rare gift.

Boromir: Ehhhh...let's go to Mordor!

Saruman: Gandalf, we can defeat the Dark Lord!

Gríma: You're RIGHT! I AM a traitor! HAHAHAHA!

Éowyn: Dammit, Aragorn! I hate you!

Pippin: Hey, Merry? You want so of this pipe-weed?
ANYONE: No.

[Lindril Arvilya]

Legolas: (mutters) Stupid tree... gets in my way...
(along with)
Legolas: I'll get the firewood! Can I borrow your axe, Gimli?
Sauron: (to the orcs) You know, I really appreciate what you're doing here.... take a few days off!
Gandalf: Here Pippin, why don't you take the ring?
Merry: You know, I've lost my appetite- you can have my share, Sam.
Sam: Screw this, why doesn't Frodo ever take the heavy pack? *grumble grumble* Treats me like a dog....

[Arwen1858]

Legolas: Ya know, I could really use a haircut...
Gimli: Could you refer me to a good barber? I really want to cut my beard off and just wear a goatee.
Aragorn: I could stand to have a bath.

Sam: Gollum, could ya do me a favor? I'm sick of this stupid mission. If you'll kill Frodo for me, I'll let you have the ring!!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Why are we starting a new one? I only came onto the Downs today to bring back the '101 things LotR characters would never say' thread, and I am faced with this?

I'm bringing it back.

[Celebaglar]

Wight: well this one will look pretty in this pearl necklace

Gollum: Screw the precious, lembas tastes better anyway

Gandalf: That ring looks very pretty, i don't think bilbo would have minded if i took it

[Meneltarmacil]

DENETHOR: Hey, that fire's hot! I'm not touching it! Oh, and Faramir, you're the best son a man could ever have.

[Nimrodel_9]

Saruman: Hey Merry, you want some weed?
Merry: No.

Sam: We wants it! We needs it! Must have the precious!

Gimli: I wish I would have shaved this morning.

Aragorn: Whoa there! I really need a bath!

[Carrûn]

Frodo: Sure Boromir, take the Ring. It's too much of a burden anyway.

[Aniriuq Raevla]

Saruman: *wears a t-shirt that says "Trees Hugger" * "Save the forests!

Uruk leader: Why, hello there little hobbit. Aint you a cutie? I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and pet you and name you George!

Arwen: Marry me Aragorn!
Eowyn: Dont marry her! She's too pointy!
Arwen: Oh yeah? Well you're too pale!
Eowyn: Pale like a 'pale spring that has not yet come to woman hood'! .... Is that something to be proud of? Anyway, you're just a concieted elf chick.
Arwen: Why you- Aragorn is mine! *grabs 1 of Aragorns arms*
Eowyn: No! he's mine! *grabs the other of Aragorns arms*
*they pull back and forth, screaming ownership over Aragorn*
Aragorn: *whimper* help me.....

[Esgallhugwen]

Malbeth the Seer: Oh, I never saw that coming

Sauron: I should really try to listen to my servants and give them the respect they deserve

Frodo: I'm more of a mood ring kind of guy, thanks anyway Gandalf

[Celebaglar]

legolas- {falls on his face} duuh, fun was that one

[TPotSS]

Sam- "Elves suck!"

Bombur- "No, sorry, no food for me. I'm on a fast."

Sauron- "I like bunnies. Aren't they cute? Oh, oh- kitties too!"

Pippin- "What was that, you ask? I really have no idea, and I don't care. Not curious in the least."

Mim- "I wish I was an elf."

Beorn- "Boy, I'd really like some bear jerky."

Thorin= "Anyone want the Arkenstone? Come and get it. Dang thing takes up too much space."

Any Elf giving advice- "Yes" or "No"

Frodo- "Go home, Sam!" :p

[The Elf-warrior]

Gollum: "Ugh! Raw catfish is disgusting Mr. Frodo."

Frodo: "Dude, those Nazgul are awsome man!"

Sam: "Sure, Gollum. I'll have some raw rabbit."

Grima Wormtongue: "Theoden, I will wield my sword in your service till Saruman is destroyed."

Smaug: "I will gladly turn over my treasure to you."

Boromir: "Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king." ;)

[Gurthang]

Gollum: Hungry? Why wait, grab some Lembas!

Morgoth: Hey, Sauron. I'm gonna retire. You can take over.

Pippin: Smoking kills!

Gandalf: Forget the staff, I need me one of them there lightsabers!

Denethor: Whew! Here comes the King. My job's done.



(Suddenly, out of nowhere, Saruman comes out and starts juggling Palantirs?!)



.

[Meneltarmacil]

SAURON: I'm tired of all these depressing shades of black. From now on everything will be pink and fluffy. Oh, and you can forget that ring. What do I care about a ring, anyway?

UNGOLIANT: No thanks, I'm not hungry right now.

TOM BOMBADIL: (anything coherent and intelligent about his true nature)

RANDOM ORC #678: Where's the shampoo? My hair's filthy!

FARAMIR: The ring will go to Gondor. ;)

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: That was a very wise decision, Pippin.

Elrond: Well, to make a long story short... :D

[Esgallhugwen]

Galadriel: All shall be happy and spread joy and plant flowers and give hugs.

Gandalf: You mean I actually have to ride that white beast!?

Any Hobbit: What's pipeweed?

[Kitanna]

Frodo: The Ring is so heavy
Sam: Oh quit your b*tching (sorry if that offends anyone)

Arwen: Sorry, Aragorn, I'm really more into guys who bathe.

Gandalf: (to the Witchking) Sweet ride, dude.

Denethor: How about a jig, Master Pippin?

Butterbur: Why yes, I can name all the kings of Gondor in order.

Sauron: Keep the Ring Frodo, I've discovered the wonders of plastic.

Eowyn: Grima's not so bad.

Legolas: Do you think the Mirror of Galadriel can help me in picking a winning lottery ticket?

Saruman: Don't cut down the trees, they have feelings too.

[Formendacil]

Anybody: "Like, dude! That's so *Swear word* awesome"

[The Elf-warrior]

Tom Bombadil: "Hey dol, merry dol, I'm a stupid oaf."

Tom: "E=mc squared."

Bert: "a squared+b squared=c squared."

Williams: "Yer need Uranium 235 er Plutonium ter make a nucular bomb."

Eoywn: "Oh, Grima, you are my true love!"

Saruman: "The Elder Days are, like, gone man! The Middle days are like, you know, passing. The Younger Days are, like, beginning, man, get with the program dude."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

So, here's my take:

Gollum: Now that you mention it, the ring isn't that precious...

Frodo: Stupid Bilbo and his stupid stories. Who ever heard of Trolls and Wargs anyway?

Sam: Hay! Nazgul! Over here! There’s a pretty ring for you!

Shelob: Hobbit? Nah, I'm more of an orc person.

Elrond: Give me that ring, I'll do it!

Ted Sandyman: Oh! The pretty flowers! Green grass! I love them so!

Gaffer Gamgee: Well, I'm stumped.

Gandalf: Well, Saurons not all bad...

Tom Bombadill: Who am I? Well I'll tell you...

Balrog: Look! I have Wings! :p

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Faramir: Oh, Daddy, I love you so much.
Denethor: I love you too--you're my favorite son, Faramir!
Boromir: And I'm totally okay with that!

Merry: I hate blonde women. Especially cross-dressing ones.

Random Barrow-Wight: Oh, sweet is the sound of the falling rain, and the stream that runs from hill to plain... =D

Pippin: You know, we should stay quiet and not cause any trouble today, Merry.

[LadyEowynofRohan]

Bill Ferny: Here's my best two horses, and you get them both for absolutely nothing! oh, and have a basket of apples, on me!

thats the only one i can think of atm

xxx

[malkatoj]

Treebeard: No junk foods, just earthly goods, I ate weird berries in the woods, Now I see colours, I'm getting higher...I think I'll start A FOREST FIRE!
(-Dead Kennedys, Forest Fire)

Orcs: WAR! (huh) What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'!
(Some other band, some other song)

Gandalf: I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid...(etc.)
.................................................

Sam: THAT'S an elf? Ohh, I wanted the short ones with the beards...

Legolas: I'm so jealous, Boromir is so much prettier than I.
..................................................

On second thought, the movies would be WAY funnier if the people said these things.

[eowyntje]

Eowyn: I am no man!
Withcking: O, sorry for hurting you. Why didn't you tell me? I haven't met a girl in yeras, all these battlefields full of en. wanna go someplace else?

Arwem: *sings* I'm gonna live forever

Gandalf: Go back to the shadow! YOU… SHALL NOT... PASS....WITHOUT....BUYING......A......TICKET!!!

Gandalf: He was strong in life. His spirit will find its way to the halls of your fathers
Theoden: HELLO? do you really think I need to hear such b*ll**** now? my kid just died. When I visit my sons grave, can you just sh*t up like a normal person?

Eowyn: Where is she? The woman who gave you that jewel?
Aragorn: why would a woman give me a jewel? Can't a man wear jewelery? Shee, I thought you didn't care about this differenc ebetwene women and men stuff.

Pippin: Look! There is smoke to the south!
Treebeard: There is always smoke rising from Isengard these days.
Pippin: Cool, sounds like a greta place, lets go there to get some new weed.

[Gil-Galad]

Legolas: oh no i'm out of arrows!!!

[Maeggaladiel]

Pippin- Well, since you told me not to touch anything, I'll just sit here quietly and keep my hands to myself.

Eowyn- Grima, I want to apologise. I now realize that you are the only man for me, and I beg you to forgive me for my harsh words. Take me into your warm embrace! I love you madly, MADLY I TELL YOU!
Grima- Man, I've so totally got the hots for that Arwen chick!
Eowyn- WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!?!

Sauron- Maybe I should try contact lenses... I'm getting a bit nearsighted in my old age. Sheesh, I can barely see past Osgilliath! *squints*

[Naz]

Legolas: I willingly embrace my fangirls!

Pip: I have a master's degree.

Boromir: I hate disco & squid!

Radagast: &%$# animals!

Arwen: Daddy, I'm going to Valinor!

[Boromir88]

(Orcs and Gondorians meet on an open battlefield).
Together: "Why can't we be friends. Why can't we be friends..."

Boromir: I'm sorry Aragorn. I was wrong.

Boromir: I'm sorry Gandalf. I was wrong.

Elladan and Elrohir: Ahhh we don't feel like killing orcs today.

Thranduil: Dwarves are the best!

Elrond: Screw Middle-earth, I'm outta here.

Saruman: Forgive me Eru, for breaking your light, but see here, I put it back together.

Any Elf: I'm sick.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Dead collector: Bring out your dead!
Imrahil: Here's one.
Collector: Ninepence
Eowyn: I'm not dead!
Collector: What?
Imrahil: Nothing. Here's your ninepence
Eowyn: I'm not dead!
Collector: Here. She says she's not dead.
Imrahil: Yes she is.
Eowyn: No I'm not!
Collector: She isn't?
Imrahil: Well she will be soon. She's very ill.
Eowyn: I'm getting better!
Imrahil: No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
Collector: Look, I can't take her like that. It's against regulations.
Eowyn: I don't want to go on the cart!
Imrahil: Oh don't be such a baby.
Collector: I can't take her.
Eowyn: I feel fine!
Imrahil: Oh, do us a favor?
Collector: I can't.
Imrahil: Well can you make it around in a couple of minutes? She won't be long.
Collector: No... I've got to go to the Gondorians. They've lost hundreds today.
Imrahil: Well when's your next round?
Collector: By the Black Gates.
Eowyn: I think I'll go for a walk.
Imrahil: You're not foolin' anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
Eowyn: I feel happy! I feel Happy!
(Sound of Eowyn being hit in the head with a large club)
Imrahil: Oh, thanks very much.
Collector: Not at all. See you by the Gates.
Imrahil: Right.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Harry the Gatekeeper: Who goes there?
Frodo: It is I, Frodo, son of Drogo Baggins, from the Hill of Hobbiton. Heir of the Burglar, defeater of the Sackville-Bagginses, Keeper of The Ring!
Harry: Pull the other one!
Frodo: I am, and this is my trusty servant Sam. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my quest at Rivendell. I must speak with your lord and master.
Harry: What? Ridden on a horse?
Frodo: Yes!
Harry: You're using coconuts!
Frodo: What?
Harry: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

[Esgallhugwen]

Aragorn: Sorry babe, sparkly jewelry just doesn't do it for me, I have to try and keep my image.
Arwen: What? Of a greasy barbarian?
Aragorn: Ouch. That really hurts.

Pippin: Never give an Irishman a good excuse for revenge!
Merry: Uh, but aren't you Scottish??
Peter: Cut! What are you two doing, this is the scene where you're confronted by the Barrow Wights.

[Nimrodel_9]

Sauron: Are you sure you wouldn't rather keep my ring?

[Naz]

Ugluk: I am Ugluk. I willingly give up my command.

[lothlorien]

Hey guys these have been really funny so far well done

Aragorn: "Awww this fellowship is so pathetic I mean come on you want us to save middle earth with 9 seriously screwed up candidates. I mean Hobbit's the dwarf the elf the wizard and the rebellious Gondorian we're gonna die"

Gimli: "Galadriel yuck I'm so not into her Celeborn however now he's attractive"

Elrond: "Ewwww look at my face it's hidieous I'm so ugly"

Gandalf: "Eek Hobbit's everywhere I HATE Hobbit's"

that's all I can think of at the moment

[Este of Lorien]

(On Caradhras) Gimli: No way! I wont go through that dark tomb you call Moria!
Gandalf: Please, Gimli, I'll give you my staff if you go.

Elrond: I think I'd look better with golden hair.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Tolkien: You know, all this Middle Earth stuff... Well, it’s a load of old rubbish really.

Gandalf: Come on Saruman, lets go get drunk!

Saruman: Okay!

[Naz]

Merry: You know, Pip, alchoholism is a big problem, as is smoking. I say we don't have any of this stuff we've found here at Orthanc, what do you think?
Pip: I agree with you, Merry. We need to set an example.
Aragorn: What has Treebeard been *feeding* you two?!

[Lûthien Nénharma]

Aragorn-"Save a horse....RIDE an Eyowen!"(cant spell sorry)

Gimili- "Does this make my butt look big?''

Pippin: Hey Merry you want my pint I cant finish it...

Frodo-'' Sam carry the ring, its to heavy for me"

Arwen-" Who would want to marry a dirty STrider?''

[Gurthang]

Gandalf: "Aragorn. Use the Force."

[Naz]

Gandalf: "Aragorn. Use the Force."

Ary: Hokey religions & ancient weapons a-- wait a minute.. *stares at Anduril* Um, whoops? *sheepish grin*

:p I'm on an Epi III high, so sue me^____^