The Official Gollum Swooning Thread: Honk if you love slimy skin and bony fingers!

[Tindómiel]

Oooooo he's just soooo cool!

[starbreeze]

Yes, I love Gollum too, but not to swoon over, just as a cool and essential character in the book.

[Lush]

<P>Well, while Gollum is by far one of the most fascinating characters in all of literature...Just how many beers would it take before he started looking good?

[Raefindel]

Good one, Lush! In the immortal words of Princess Leia, "I'd just as soon kiss a WOOKIE!"

[Kalimac]

Whoa, not so fast, Rae! Never mind the wookies, I'd kiss the Emperor before Gollum! . (Granted it would be a tough choice. I wanted to say Darth Vader but it's a little hard to get past that mask). <P>Lush, LOL . You know, that may answer a question that always sort of bothered me; when Gollum left the Misty Mountains and was wandering around ME for twenty years or whatever, he couldn't have hidden ALL the time, slinky as he is. Yet there isn't anyplace where he'd exactly blend into the crowd and be overlooked...except possibly a Middle-Earth singles bar located near Bree. Imagine walking in and finding a bachelor lineup of Gollum, Bill Ferny, the Southerner, and if you're lucky, Bill the Pony. You'd be too busy fleeing to notice Gollum's special peculiarities.<P>This is definitely an original idea for a thread though, many compliments . You'd think that with all the horrible slash stories out there that someone would have done one for Gollum by now, wouldn't you...

[Manelwen]

Forget the beer, you want liver failure and be tanked enough to think Gollum was handsome, it'd take more than a whole bottle of screech to get him looking good... That is, if you can handle Screech, you might just die by your first mouthful, but if you are thinking of kissing or even looking his way, it might be best...<BR>-Manelwen<p>[ April 20, 2002: Message edited by: Manelwen ]

[Tindómiel]

muhahahah.... he so cool!

[Lhunbelethiel]

Hmmm, this raises an interesting question-- what DID Gollum look like as Smeagol? He was a hobbit, right? I assume he was short, hairy footed and robust, maybe? And since he lost the ring, wouldn't he have aged quickly like Bilbo?

[I.am.Smeagol]

Smeagol is my hero. *Ponders writing Smeagol slash* Hrm. Hrm. Hrm. *Searches for booze* J/k!

[Marileangorifurnimaluim]

Welcome to the Downs, Smeagol. Interesting, uh, first post. How many of them ales did you have first?<P>Slash, oh, ha! What terrible smut. Appalling. Completely out of line with the intentions of the LotR. Tolkien would be horrified, spin in his grave he would. Some of it frightenly well-written, touching, and appealing. Not that I would ever read such trash. Ahem. Particularly not if it concerned Frodo. <P><center><a href="http://quiz.oishikatta.com/fellow/" target="new"><BR></a><BR>Those baby blues are SO sexy!</center><p>[ April 21, 2002: Message edited by: Marileangorifurnimaluim ]

[cookie_crazy]

No! I'm so sorry but I'd kiss Darth Vader or Yoda before thinking Gollum is cute. Darth Vader I'd either kiss his mask or him when he's younger. Gollum is just like...soooo gross.

[Aosama, the Wandering Star]

Do you mind?!? Gollum? All I'll say is that you'd have to be pretty hard put to mess with Gollum. I mean, how would you know he wouldn't bite off your finger?!? But I'll get serious. I've known a couple of Gollum look-a-likes over the years, and most aren't so bad once you get to know them... (Star Wars fan... traitor!) ahem...

[ESTEN]

Onething that you need to keep in mind is that gollum was always bad, he killed his friend for the ring right after he found it. The ring had not affected him yet. If you have read some of my other post you eould know that I think that gollum is one of the best characters in the book, but I don't think that anyone should get involved with him. He would bite you!

[Eärendil]

Well, I know (and think) that Gollum is quite evil and all that, and is supposed to look horrible, but..I just can´t help feeling pity for him, and I think he´s quite cool, and also a bit....cute.

[Rosa Underhill]

Oh, I can see the Harlequine books coming out our ears now.... <P>"Jane knelt down, wrapping her supple, pale arms around his sinewy, boney neck. She closed her eyes and pursed her lips, awaiting that first, passionate kiss. She felt hands on her neck, caressing her smooth skin. It was such ecstasy as she had never known before, so grand and overwhelming that she felt dizzy with it and sank to the earth.<P>"Slowly he removed his thin fingers from her neck, his large, greenish eyes revealing nothing. 'Its not got the Precious on it, no it doesn't, gollum,' he murmured and slunk back into the delicate shadows of the forest, leaving Jane on the soft ground, her face peaceful an asphyxiated swoon..."<P>Gah! I feel so dirty now!

[Enedhil]

ROFLH<BR>this thread is so funny <P><BR>Nice one Rosa

[gollum*elf*pup]

<BR>gollum is VERY cute, and anyone who disagrees SHOULD have their fingers bitten off. (YUM, finger soup) anyway, gollum is like the coolest little thing.

[cookie_crazy]

NOOOOOOOOO! He is an ugly, mutated annoying(prrreciousss)disfigured hobbit! *screams and screams and screams*<P>Anyone who loves him and not Star Wars must dieee.<P>Warbeak killee-Warbeak in Redwall

[dragongirlG]

A Gollum fan club? With pictures of his whole life? Even walking around under the Misty Mountains smelling of fish?! Ew...I certainly would NOT want to ever, kiss Gollum - he has fishy breath!

[Gimli Son Of Gloin]

Smeagul appeals to me as kind of a sleek, cool, character. There's something about him that's...<I>cool</I>...<P>But Gollum gives me a feeling of him <BR>being a jerk, someone you just want to punch right in the nose and teach a lesson to about humanity...

[Kalimac]

Rosa, that was in absolute awful taste and I wish I'd thought of it . LOL! (Though it could get worse; for all the speculation about Frodo and Sam having an, ahem, "relationship" nobody ever speculates about Gollum and Sam, even though God knows they spent enough time together. And NO, I don't think either situation was the case. Just being facetious).

[NinjaFerret]

Pros: (1) Not likely to suffer heart troubles due to being overweight. (2) Has large luminous eyes. (3) Long, slender fingers. (4) Quick hands. (5) Likes the dark. (6) Loves water sports.<P>Cons: (1) Slimy, moldy. (2) Obsessive compulsive tendencies. (3) Fish breath. (4) Flappy feet (none of that cute hobbit fuzz left...) (5) Bad nails. (6) Bad skin. (7) Rather bald. <P>Oh wow. This is so revolting. I would rather date a balrog. <P>May your luck exceed the stench of your oxters.

[Bramblerose Gamgee-Took]

Gollum scares me

[ElanorGamgee]

Ah, Gollum, we loves him forever... <P> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>A Gollum fan club? With pictures of his whole life? Even walking around under the Misty Mountains smelling of fish?! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Good idea! We could have pictures of baby Smeágol; baby's first birthday (with frosting all over his cute widdle face); digging up roots in the backyard; teaching grandma how to suck eggs; Smeágol all dressed up for prom (with his creepy girlfriend); first car, er, wagon; coming of age birthday party; then a few moody/mischievous pictures before granny kicks him out of the hole. Then come the pictures snapped by orcish tourists who saw the strange little guy while vacationing under the mountain. Signs are seen in the background: "Do NOT feed the Gollum," "Beware the Gollum." And then a couple scenic photos taken by Sam that Gollum managed to sneak into ("Get out of the way, Stinker! You're ruining the view!")

[Aosama, the Wandering Star]

LOL! That's great Elanor! and on that note, why not a photo album Sam keeps of the Fellowship's trip all the way from Hobbiton to Mt. Doom and back? That'd be a very hilarious slide show!<BR>"Ah, yes! Here's Mr. Frodo with his finger newly bitten off... next one"<BR>collective gasp<BR>"oh. forgot about that one. next one please!"

[Lush]

*rolls around on the floor in spasms of hysterical laughter*<P>I'll agree with NinjaFerret here, dating a Balrog has its pros, like nicely cooked eggs in the morning. <P>As for Gollum...If not drunk (for our sober members) just how desperate do you have to be? <BR>Ah, maybe we could set up Gollum with someone who is not too terribly choosy. Like one of our former Presidents, for instance.

[Araen]

LOL<BR>You guys are soooooooo bad.<BR>I like Smeagol.... not Gollum, Smeagol....Gollum is evil. Anyhow to actually like like Gollum you'd need to be blind or really really inebriated (is that the word? I hop it is as that is waht I said it means on my Vocab test) or just... I don't know.

[Marileangorifurnimaluim]

Balrog? Now that would be a hot date!<P>Gollum's one cool cucumber, eh?<p>[ April 26, 2002: Message edited by: Marileangorifurnimaluim ]

[The Half-Hobbit]

As one who is (unfortuneately) dead sober, I have to say that I would seriously consider going out with Gollum. For certain I'd join a Gollum fan club. Gollum is awesome! He's awesome because he uses an alias, he's awesome because he talks to himself and the ring All the time, he's awesome because he has flappy feet. I wish i had flappy feet....<P>Rosa, I loved your story...I e-mailed it to my LotR reading friends

[Eärendil]

A date with Gollum? Nja, maybe not. I don´t really think he´s that hot..but he´s cute in a way. I more think he is so cool!! <P>A date with a balrog would sure be very interesting...or why not a dragon?!

[TheWindsorStar]

Awww, I love Gollum! He's adorable! We have a lot in common too, we both talk to ourselves and inanimate objects. Oh, and we both don't like getting a tan!<P>But I would never actually date Gollum. *shudders* I could name a few LOTR characters I'd gladly date, though!

[Ainu]

<BR>I think Gollum is great!!!!!!<BR>He is my favourite character, awwwwwwwwww, bless him, he is just, sooooooooooo, cute

[Enedhil]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> (Though it could get worse; for all the speculation about Frodo and Sam having an, ahem, "relationship" nobody ever speculates about Gollum and Sam, even though God knows they spent enough time together. And NO, I don't think either situation was the case. Just being facetious). <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I was about to scream in horror...<P>Now i'm jus' rolling on the floor in stitches

[dragongirlG]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Good idea! We could have pictures of baby Smeágol; baby's first birthday (with frosting all over his cute widdle face); digging up roots in the backyard; teaching grandma how to suck eggs; Smeágol all dressed up for prom (with his creepy girlfriend); first car, er, wagon; coming of age birthday party; then a few moody/mischievous pictures before granny kicks him out of the hole. Then come the pictures snapped by orcish tourists who saw the strange little guy while vacationing under the mountain. Signs are seen in the background: "Do NOT feed the Gollum," "Beware the Gollum." And then a couple scenic photos taken by Sam that Gollum managed to sneak into ("Get out of the way, Stinker! You're ruining the view!")<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Elanor, you are absolutely brilliant! I'm going to have to get stitches for this!

[piosenniel]

the character seems to be done very well in the trailer. i don't see him as slimey, though; i think his skin would be more cool and raspily smooth like that of an iguana.

[NinjaFerret]

But he was sitting in the damp all those yrs. He HAD to be at the least a bit mildewed. So by default, he is slimy.

[Child of the 7th Age]

This is a dreadful thread and very, very funny. I wonder what a Gollum groupie would look like? <BR>sharon, the 7th age hobbit

[TheWindsorStar]

A Gollum groupy would be about 5'7", long legs, pale skin, medium-long very dark brown, straight hair, dark hazel eyes that change greenish sometimes, shoe size 9... Shall I continue describing myself?

[NinjaFerret]

They can also be 5'10" with hazel eyes that sometimes turn greenish, curly short hair, shoe size 11, skinny, and sometimes they fence. LOL.

[WillowStarmist]

Gollum is definatley my favourite character, i think he is great, I had to read The two towers about 4 times just because we get so much gollum action!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Eärendil]

Hehe, yeah, Gollum is so cool! I like the parts where Gollum´s in it . He´s not my fave, but definately in my top 10! <BR>Mae govannen WillowStarmist, welcome to the Barrow Downs! Enjoy being dead and post loads of intelligent posts..(unlike me )