Sauron: May I have my ring back now...pleeeeeeze!
Legolas: Would my hair look better if I got a perm?
Aragorn: Hmm...does anyone have a mirror and a razor, this beard is killing me.
Bilbo: Poetry? Poetry is for pansies.
Elrond: I don't know half of you as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
Gollum: I think I should work on my tan for a bit, you guys can go ahead with the ring and I'll met you later.
Glorfindel after being tossed off the mountain by the Balrog: Hey! That was fun! Can I do that again?
Gandalf: But I like blue better...why can't I have blue? I want to have a nice sky blue, i think it sets off my eyes.
Isildur to Sauron: Hey, you look good in black-and that complexion! My god, how do you look so young?
Sauron to Isildur: Cucumbers, Miracle Whip and Eggs--it works wonders for the wrinkles.
Galadriel: You expect me to give you a kiss, Dwarf? You smell like horse dung and look like the wrong side of an orc. No wonder your kind lives in dark caves, I would too if I looked like you.
Celeborn: Galadriel, You've got saggy boobs. Have you ever thought of getting plastic surgery?
Luthlien: Wolves aren't that bad...they're like big puppy dogs. All they need is a little love and affection.
Elrond: I'm illiterate.
Nazgul: Black isn't my colour...and these horses! Ugh! They are so Cliche! Like, why not get a nice Jaguar or Beamer?
I have more...but I think I have rambled on too much..
~~Daegwenn
__________________
"And still of a winter’s night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
A highwayman comes riding—
Riding—Riding—
A highwayman comes riding, up to the old inn-door.
Over the cobbles he clatters and clangs in the dark inn-yard.
And he taps with his whip on the shutters, but all is locked and barred.
He whistles a tune to the window, and who should be waiting there
But the landlord’s black-eyed daughter,
Bess, the landlord’s daughter,
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair"
Highwayman
Alfred Noyes
|