*cough* Well, hello... erm... yes. I bring before you a song of such... erm... good... that it may just cause a stomach ulcers to the listeners... yes.
My name is... *reads card* Hookbill the Goomba. I've never been a good singer (or anything else for that matter), but I know a few things about captions... that can't be too different... can it?
*Silence*
... yes...
I'm going to sing that old song:
Too Old to Rock and Roll, Too Young to Die by
Jethro Tull. In the voice of Merriadoc Brandybuck. Lyrics may be slightly (read: Very) changed.
***
Too Old to go to War, Too Young to die
(a-1, a-2, a-1,2,3,4!)
The old Ranger wore his hair too long,
Wore his trouser cuffs too tight.
Unfashionable to the end drank his ale too light.
Gondor's belt buckle: yesterday's dreams
The transport caf' prophet of doom.
Ringing no change in his Long shanks seems
In his post-war-ring gloom.
Now he's too o- o- old to to go to wa- wa- war but he's too young to die.
He once owned a Horse, "Davidson", and a big shiny sword.
Counted his friends in greasy Bree inns
And prays that he always will.
But he's the last of the king's blood Gondor boys
All of his mates are doing time:
Married with three kids up by the west road
Sold their souls straight down the line.
And some of them own little horses
And meet at the tennis club do's.
For drinks on a Sunday work on Monday.
They've thrown away their shields and spears.
Now they're too o- o- old to go to wa- wa- War and they're too young to die.
So the old Ranger gets out his horse
To make a ton before he takes his leave.
Up on the green way by Shire Corner
Just like it used to be.
And as he flies tears in his eyes
His wind-whipped words echo the final take
And he hits the east road doing around 120
With no room left to brake.
And he was too o- o- old to go to Wa- wa- War but he was too young to die.
No, you're never too o- o- old to go to wa- wa- War if you're too young to die!
But he was too young... to Die!!
*Gun shot*