As a bit of a writer myself, I feel I can give a little advice, for my own part...
Firstly, anything that is even remotely at risk of impeaching copyright is probably best removed before moving on. I think its okay to use real languages, perhaps with a small twist, for example in my own works I tend to use Hebrew with small changes made to some words... When I say changes, I mean... well, here are a few examples:
- Adon (which means 'King') I write as Adôn
- Reeshon (First) I write 'Réshon'
You get the general idea.
Secondly, try and make your work stand out from the crowd in some way. There are literally thousands of fantasy stories out there (well, I have no actual numbers to hand… but there are a lot), most are, as far as I can see, basically the same and are often Lord of the Rings in a different skin and cunningly avoiding copyright infringement. It needs something that will set it apart from others and distinguish itself in a new and interesting way.
Thirdly, getting published is insanely difficult unless you know the right people and all that. Publishers often demand that you have an agent before they even consider looking in the general direction of your manuscript. And Agents will rarely accept unsolicited texts. So you see the problem?
Fourthly, before submitting your work to anyone, give it a good revise. Then another. Then a third and forth. In fact, revise it a good many times! I found that a big help. You begin to develop your characters more that way and put more subtlety and all that stuff into it.
Hope that was helpful, but it was only based on what I myself have experienced and witnessed.
