[Morthoron]

Letter to the Editor

Dear Sirses:

We insists you retractses your mention of us as 'Gollum' in your article 'Gollum Stands Trial' (Week #101), my precious. Nas-s-sty word, that is, and we hates it! Makes us look bad a'fore pretrial jury selection, it does *GOLLUM*. P'raps nice editor sends reporter out and chats with us a bitsy, sose we can gets our story out to the presses, eh precious? Our attorneyses at Dewey, Cheatem and Howe says we need something...what's it called? Ah yes...p-u-b-l-i-c-i-t-y. Whatever that is! *GOLLUM* They says for me to say book about Hobbitses gave poor Smeagol a 'bad rap' (and we did get hit on the head many times!), and thief Bagginses wrote slanderseses and lied about us! We hates Bagginses! Curse them!

By calling us Gollum they also says you are P-r-o-p-o-g-a-t-i-n-g A N-e-g-a-t-i-v-e S-t-e-r-e-o-t-y-p-e 'gainst our client (that's us, I think, precious) They use bigs wordsies like that cos' it confoozles us and ev'ryone else (like fat, stupid judgesy). Chestnuts and riddles! We don't go much for them anymore, do we precious? No more crunchable, scrunchable riddles. *GOLLUM*

We thanks you in advances for your cooper-a-shun, we does, precious.

Yours truly,
Smeagol the Stoor
Reformed Addict
and Model Citizen