The Barrow Downs Newspaper - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Morthoron · 06-08-2008, 07:57 PM

Letter to the Editor

Dear Sirses:

We insists you retractses your mention of us as 'Gollum' in your article 'Gollum Stands Trial' (Week #101), my precious. Nas-s-sty word, that is, and we hates it! Makes us look bad a'fore pretrial jury selection, it does *GOLLUM*. P'raps nice editor sends reporter out and chats with us a bitsy, sose we can gets our story out to the presses, eh precious? Our attorneyses at Dewey, Cheatem and Howe says we need something...what's it called? Ah yes...p-u-b-l-i-c-i-t-y. Whatever that is! *GOLLUM* They says for me to say book about Hobbitses gave poor Smeagol a 'bad rap' (and we did get hit on the head many times!), and thief Bagginses wrote slanderseses and lied about us! We hates Bagginses! Curse them!

By calling us Gollum they also says you are P-r-o-p-o-g-a-t-i-n-g A N-e-g-a-t-i-v-e S-t-e-r-e-o-t-y-p-e 'gainst our client (that's us, I think, precious) They use bigs wordsies like that cos' it confoozles us and ev'ryone else (like fat, stupid judgesy). Chestnuts and riddles! We don't go much for them anymore, do we precious? No more crunchable, scrunchable riddles. *GOLLUM*

We thanks you in advances for your cooper-a-shun, we does, precious.

Yours truly,
Smeagol the Stoor
Reformed Addict
and Model Citizen

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 06-08-2008, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

This is ridiculous! Those cats were framed, I say, framed! It's the very picture of a mad modernist tendency. I bet it was started by that wild feminist, Germaine Greer. She obviously cannot tell the difference between her pet peacock and the phantom. And you can quote me on this.

And I quoted you on this!
Gee, Hookbill what do you have against cats? Cats are so freaking AWESOME! But on another note... while I'm off being a teenager, you people go on posting and making good stories and the same rubbish paper that I can't seem to get enough of... and then I go back and read and then I find the Downer and it clearly said it was the last Downer... that frightened me and then I realized that in the story, Hookbill stated that the headline was the same rubbish as always... I had to laugh...

Sorry for my ramble...

Hookbill the Goomba · 06-09-2008, 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGreatElvenWarrior

Gee, Hookbill what do you have against cats? Cats are so freaking AWESOME!

I've nothing against cats! Honestly! I used to have an ACE cat called Samwise (at least by me anyway). He died a few years ago, though because he was ill with TB.

It's the phantom that has a problem with cats! If you read some early P&As you'll see I had a thing against dogs (what with Alien killing about five in a row). I suspect Mr. phantom is retaliating against this... *shifty eyes*

P.S.

Dear Mr. Smeagol the Stoor

Your complaint has been noted, filed and burned.
Thank you for your contribution. Your opinion is important to us. Please send us your address so we can send you a forest's worth of leaflets for a local Blind Sale.

- Sir John "Sellotape" Harrison,
Head of Downer P-R

TheGreatElvenWarrior · 06-09-2008, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I've nothing against cats! Honestly! I used to have an ACE cat called Samwise (at least by me anyway). He died a few years ago, though because he was ill with TB.

It's the phantom that has a problem with cats! If you read some early P&As you'll see I had a thing against dogs (what with Alien killing about five in a row). I suspect Mr. phantom is retaliating against this... *shifty eyes*

Oh, I see... I think I read those ones... Anyway, I think I should talk to Phantom about this, I'll have to push him out of the window or something...

The Might · 06-09-2008, 04:03 PM

Lol, wonderful stuff Hookbill and so really thanks for taking the time to do all of this!

But btw, why am I on the newspaper?

Morai · 06-09-2008, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Anyway, I think I should talk to Phantom about this, I'll have to push him out of the window or something...

Perhaps it's not the cats that should be feared and hated, it's the cat lovers...er likers.

~Cat Lover

Diamond18 · 06-09-2008, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morai

Perhaps it's not the cats that should be feared and hated, it's the cat lovers...er likers.

~Cat Lover

Finally someone notices the real moral of that story.

06-09-2008, 04:03 PM	#5
The Might Guard of the Citadel Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oxon Posts: 2,205	Lol, wonderful stuff Hookbill and so really thanks for taking the time to do all of this! But btw, why am I on the newspaper? __________________ “The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.” Delos B. McKown

06-08-2008, 07:57 PM	#1
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	Letter to the Editor Dear Sirses: We insists you retractses your mention of us as 'Gollum' in your article 'Gollum Stands Trial' (Week #101), my precious. Nas-s-sty word, that is, and we hates it! Makes us look bad a'fore pretrial jury selection, it does GOLLUM. P'raps nice editor sends reporter out and chats with us a bitsy, sose we can gets our story out to the presses, eh precious? Our attorneyses at Dewey, Cheatem and Howe says we need something...what's it called? Ah yes...p-u-b-l-i-c-i-t-y. Whatever that is! GOLLUM They says for me to say book about Hobbitses gave poor Smeagol a 'bad rap' (and we did get hit on the head many times!), and thief Bagginses wrote slanderseses and lied about us! We hates Bagginses! Curse them! By calling us Gollum they also says you are P-r-o-p-o-g-a-t-i-n-g A N-e-g-a-t-i-v-e S-t-e-r-e-o-t-y-p-e 'gainst our client (that's us, I think, precious) They use bigs wordsies like that cos' it confoozles us and ev'ryone else (like fat, stupid judgesy). Chestnuts and riddles! We don't go much for them anymore, do we precious? No more crunchable, scrunchable riddles. GOLLUM We thanks you in advances for your cooper-a-shun, we does, precious. Yours truly, Smeagol the Stoor Reformed Addict and Model Citizen __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.