Dear Sir and/or Madam Editor:
It has been many months past since I've endeavored to issue complaints regarding anything. I dwelt on this strange, perturbing turn of events recently, and discovered that I had, in truth, absolutely nothing to complain about. Naturally, one can imagine my umbrage at having nothing which I might find grievance with or to hurl indignant protests against. It is, I assure you, an intolerable state of affairs!
Suddenly, it came to mind that it had been several months since I had read your disreputable rag The Downer, and that my current egregious state of lack of complaints was directly caused by the disruption of your atrocious paper!
Therefore, I demand that you continue publication of your dreadful, grammatically-impaired, pun-ridden pile of pusillanimous pulp posthaste so that I may continue complaining in a manner that befits my God-given right to express displeasure whenever, wherever and to whomever I so choose.
Thank you in advance for your prompt return to lunacy.
With regard,
Ms. Helena Handbasket
Cheshire-on-Crackers, Wiltsingtonthorpeshireset, Belchley
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And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.
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