The Barrow Downs Newspaper - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Morthoron · 05-04-2015, 03:40 PM

Dear Sir and/or Madam Editor:

It has been many months past since I've endeavored to issue complaints regarding anything. I dwelt on this strange, perturbing turn of events recently, and discovered that I had, in truth, absolutely nothing to complain about. Naturally, one can imagine my umbrage at having nothing which I might find grievance with or to hurl indignant protests against. It is, I assure you, an intolerable state of affairs!

Suddenly, it came to mind that it had been several months since I had read your disreputable rag The Downer, and that my current egregious state of lack of complaints was directly caused by the disruption of your atrocious paper!

Therefore, I demand that you continue publication of your dreadful, grammatically-impaired, pun-ridden pile of pusillanimous pulp posthaste so that I may continue complaining in a manner that befits my God-given right to express displeasure whenever, wherever and to whomever I so choose.

Thank you in advance for your prompt return to lunacy.

With regard,
Ms. Helena Handbasket
Cheshire-on-Crackers, Wiltsingtonthorpeshireset, Belchley

05-04-2015, 03:40 PM	#34
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	Dear Sir and/or Madam Editor: It has been many months past since I've endeavored to issue complaints regarding anything. I dwelt on this strange, perturbing turn of events recently, and discovered that I had, in truth, absolutely nothing to complain about. Naturally, one can imagine my umbrage at having nothing which I might find grievance with or to hurl indignant protests against. It is, I assure you, an intolerable state of affairs! Suddenly, it came to mind that it had been several months since I had read your disreputable rag The Downer, and that my current egregious state of lack of complaints was directly caused by the disruption of your atrocious paper! Therefore, I demand that you continue publication of your dreadful, grammatically-impaired, pun-ridden pile of pusillanimous pulp posthaste so that I may continue complaining in a manner that befits my God-given right to express displeasure whenever, wherever and to whomever I so choose. Thank you in advance for your prompt return to lunacy. With regard, Ms. Helena Handbasket Cheshire-on-Crackers, Wiltsingtonthorpeshireset, Belchley __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.