Hobbit Sex Ed

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Diamond18

Dear Miss Maril Eangorifurnimaluim,

I have just lately read your scandalous article in The Barrow Downs Gazette, and must inform you of the moral outcry that has arisen in the Hobbit community. From the farthest reaches of the Four Farthings, such indignation as has not been heard since one Thistle Thwipon of Bywater took off her dress in the midday to swim in the Brandywine River, has poured forth from the upstanding citizens of the Shire.

Therefore, Miss Eangorifurnimaluim, I am writing this letter on behalf of not only the Garden Club, but the entire Shire. We represent 11 different guilds (though not the Lollygag Guild, for there is no such thing and you are gravely mistaken if you even suggest that there is) when we call for a complete and total retraction of all the slanderous words regarding [here the ink is smudged] in the Hobbit community.

If you do not comply with our just request, we shall move the Mayor to pass a resolution to do something about it, and you don't want that, do you? Because, whatever it is, it won't be pleasent. In other words, no elevenses for you, young lady, until you publish a statement which falls under the moral guidelines adopted by one Fernious Hogswill. That is, the Garden Club motto: Prim, Priggish, Prude: Forever...Anon.

Yours Truly,
Lousewart Chastitybelt, Secretary of the Garden Club

The things that happen to one's eyesight in old age. I reread this and could have sworn it was signed by one Lousewart Chastitty. tsk.

*makes note to bring this to the attention of Mr. Dark Elf, who has a sharp hand himself in such (letter writing) affairs*