Hobbit Sex Ed - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Diamond18 · 04-19-2003, 10:03 PM

Dear Miss Maril Eangorifurnimaluim,

I have just lately read your scandalous article in The Barrow Downs Gazette, and must inform you of the moral outcry that has arisen in the Hobbit community. From the farthest reaches of the Four Farthings, such indignation as has not been heard since one Thistle Thwipon of Bywater took off her dress in the midday to swim in the Brandywine River, has poured forth from the upstanding citizens of the Shire.

Therefore, Miss Eangorifurnimaluim, I am writing this letter on behalf of not only the Garden Club, but the entire Shire. We represent 11 different guilds (though not the Lollygag Guild, for there is no such thing and you are gravely mistaken if you even suggest that there is) when we call for a complete and total retraction of all the slanderous words regarding [here the ink is smudged] in the Hobbit community.

If you do not comply with our just request, we shall move the Mayor to pass a resolution to do something about it, and you don't want that, do you? Because, whatever it is, it won't be pleasent. In other words, no elevenses for you, young lady, until you publish a statement which falls under the moral guidelines adopted by one Fernious Hogswill. That is, the Garden Club motto: Prim, Priggish, Prude: Forever...Anon.

Yours Truly,
Lousewart Chastitybelt, Secretary of the Garden Club

04-19-2003, 10:03 PM	#7
Diamond18 Eidolon of a Took Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: my own private fantasy world Posts: 3,460	Dear Miss Maril Eangorifurnimaluim, I have just lately read your scandalous article in The Barrow Downs Gazette, and must inform you of the moral outcry that has arisen in the Hobbit community. From the farthest reaches of the Four Farthings, such indignation as has not been heard since one Thistle Thwipon of Bywater took off her dress in the midday to swim in the Brandywine River, has poured forth from the upstanding citizens of the Shire. Therefore, Miss Eangorifurnimaluim, I am writing this letter on behalf of not only the Garden Club, but the entire Shire. We represent 11 different guilds (though not the Lollygag Guild, for there is no such thing and you are gravely mistaken if you even suggest that there is) when we call for a complete and total retraction of all the slanderous words regarding [here the ink is smudged] in the Hobbit community. If you do not comply with our just request, we shall move the Mayor to pass a resolution to do something about it, and you don't want that, do you? Because, whatever it is, it won't be pleasent. In other words, no elevenses for you, young lady, until you publish a statement which falls under the moral guidelines adopted by one Fernious Hogswill. That is, the Garden Club motto: Prim, Priggish, Prude: Forever...Anon. Yours Truly, Lousewart Chastitybelt, Secretary of the Garden Club __________________ All shall be rather fond of me and suffer from mild depression.