The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Oddwen]

KALIMAC CHRISTMAS, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT

Originally Posted by Special Shire Correspondent Burpy Upheaver

Of late, Yule time is not always a happy time in the four farthings of The Shire. Traditional Hobbit traditions dictate that the tiny hobbit children stay up all night with clubs to keep the legendary figure known as Sando Clausefoot from eating their Yule Breakfast. Most hobbit children fall asleep early on, while parents leave nibble marks in all of the puddings to teach their children some sort of lesson in home security. All this has changed with the arrival of a Big Person calling himself "Sharkey Clause". He is said to send his elves out in wagons to cut down trees and collect toys from all the good boys and girls.

We tried to get a statement from one of his elves, but were spat on and told to stop asking questions as it was on the List as "not allowed". This was ridiculous, as we had checked the List beforehand to make sure. Upon a second checking, the rule was indeed there, sloppily written in pencil. We then tried to get a statement from Sharkey Clause himself, but were chased away while the old man screamed out "Yule Pay!" at our fleeing forms.

"I just can't understand it," says local character Gaffer Gamgee. "Maybe his weskit is two sizes too small."