Hitchhiker's Guide to Middlearth

[Eowyn Wenhamir]

HHGTTG is about Arthur Dent, some Earth dude who is absolutely dull but lovable, who is friends with an alien named Ford Prefect. Ford knows that the Earth is going to be destroyed in approximately an hour, so he announces it to a bar and takes Arthur with him while he hitchhikes onto a passing Vogon ship. The rest of the story is basically about Arthur's excursions with Ford, his friend/relative Zaphod Beeblebrox, another Earth woman named Trillian/Tricia, a very very grumpy robot named Marvin ( ), Slartibarfast (sp?), the man who designed the Earth, and eventually a charming Earth woman named Fenchurch. The book is extremely philisophical, my friend and I decided, and all parts of it are highly enjoyable except the ending... It's the only part of the book that makes sense, and it's the least happy. I would recommend reading the book before seeing the movie, or even the old movie. The old movie sucks, and there is no way the new one could match the ruling randomosity of the book.

[The Saucepan Man]

Gimli: A short stocky fellow with an axe who inadvertently discovered the Meaning of Life at Helm's Deep.

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

Elves: Residents of Middle-earth; smarter than mice, but not quite so smart as dolphins. Now departed -- final message: "So long and thanks for all the. . .heck. . .thanks for nothing."

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dwarven Poetry:

Dwarven poetry is among the most interesting in all of Middle Earth. Mostly it is a good selection of random mining songs that give dwarves the spirit to work on in their odd attempts to find riches. So it may be startling to discover that many of the dwarves who have written poetry that has been successful have ended up dieing in almost the exact same way.
Many dwarven bards write for enjoyment until their work is recognised by others. This can take several decades and most works will not be considered for reading without a request being filed and stamped. Stamped again and sent to the head office, lost, found, eaten by a Fell beast, re written and sent to the manager of the dwarodelf. Lost a second time, found again, stamped with shoes, lost AGAIN, and finally found at the bottom of a well some where in Khand.
Thus it is unsurprising that after several attempts at getting their work polished that Dwarves soon give up the will to exist and so stop. The freak and sudden inexistence of dwarven poets has lead to many followers of some work to complain about the way things are worked. This however is hardly successful as they are told to "Shhh!" by almost every one who meets them. And so as a result, they resort to, yes, none existence.

No one is quite sure why they do this, as it has absolutely no effect on the ecosystem of the Dwarves. Many of the wise agree that if we knew exactly why the dwarves did this, then we would know an awful lot more about Ea than we do now. But for now, you may wish to read our study of Elven rituals such as; Tease the Dwarven poet".

[HerenIstarion]

The Shire - the place were it is not advisable to go shopping once you need new epilating forceps.

[Durelin]

Bag End: One of the best places to find *leaf* induced laughter.

[Lostgaeriel]

Ropes: A rope is about the most massively useful thing any Middle-earth Hitch-Hiker can carry. For one thing it has great practical value – you can tie it around your Elven cloak for warmth and camouflage on the Plains of Gorgoroth, rappel down it from the top of the cliffs of the Emyn Muil, make a bridge out of it to cross the River Celebrant, make a halter for a sturdy little pony, make a ladder to climb a mallorn tree in the forest of Lothlórien, make an ankle leash for a miserable slinker, tie up an Elven boat on the shores of the great River Anduin, be hung on the end of it as a warning to numbskulls, and even make a swing from the mallorn tree in the Party Field for little Elanor if it still seems strong enough.