Middle-Earth Football Tournament

[Valesse]

Arwen reporting...

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I am looking foreward to the Barrow-Downs next game as I belive we have a real giftet team. . .

especially the attacing part of the team looks interesetin.

Sleepy with his pace and great indivdual skill.

Sauce a more expirienced striker with a great eye of making the right runs to split the defence and therby creating lots of space for him and Sleepy.

Phantom a very creative player who can score goals on his own, but his main force is hes great passing and eye of the game. (a player like Aimar)

Together I belive they will preform fantastic !

[Sleepy Ranger]

Well my fellow dandies and dowdies and other such gentlemen and ladies, today's match was one to be seen! Oh course, we would all want to know about the riots on the field yesterday, but I'm afraid myself and the editor were seeing a wonderful performance of The Importantce of Being Ernest. On to the selected matches!

Moria vs. Rohan (1,0)

From watching this performance on the field, it seemed that Moria's players had a case of Dorian syndrome. Sad to say, they couldn't figure on who was to pass to whom. Rohan could only stand there with a case of Basil-like qualities, these poor fellows tried to play, but amongst the selfishness abound, it was rather a lost cause. In the end, Moria got itself together to make one goal between Bill the Balrog, Balin and Azog. Both were wearing Mithril and a flame proof underlining for Bill, to avoid scorches in the material. Azog was wearing a sort of funny number, something between vintage leather and Mithril, but in any cases he was there to make it a goal at 67 minutes with a bit of a bicycle kick with some lovely shoes. Let us just hope they have their Dorian syndrome undercontrol for any other future matches.

Rivendale vs. Vinyamar (1,0)

In this match there was no doubting Vinyamar's performance upon the field! That was until Glorfindel stepped up with his blue suede shoes and green uniform. He shot with the elegance of Baudelaire, but Turgon came in for a corner clearing. he by the way was wearing a rather Ulmo-inspired number, of silver silk and a deep blue velvet crest in the front. Elrond's performance could only be saved by that of those wonderfully handsome twins, Elladen and Elrohir. A surprise attack from the goalie was saved by Elrohir's clumbsy score. The match was as other would say 'undeserved' to Rivendale, but we all know that blue suede always wins...


Interviews


This is the portion of the sports review that I know you all love, the interviews! Today we've chosen three beings with some amazing talent, instead of just one or two. Our first interview is with the lovely Quickbeam. He was kind and hasty enough to grant us an interview about his performance on the field.


Titania: Well, well! For a rowan tree you certainly had speed upon the green!

Quickbeam: I know. I don't see why not anyways, we trees need to start stepping up to the challenge instead of all of this photosynthesizing business.

Titania: Of course! Though, it seems your team captain had a bit of a scuffle with your shot between the keeper...

Quickbeam: Treebeard is always doing that! But, like I said to him: " We didn't have any time left anyways! It was then or never!" Besides, that keeper had a clubbed foot and I could have made a goal into the box if it hadn't been for his little intervention...

Titania: Certianly you could say it was a clash of defense, but mind if I ask you some questions? They might help you blow off all of this steam.

Quickbeam: Certainly, anything to get Treebread's voice out of my head...

Titania: Thank you! Alright then, I understand that rowan trees are part of the rose family, Rosaceae. Are there any tips you might suggest to a green thub about growing roses or rowan trees?

Quickbeam: Well you should! That's why we have such wonderful flowers as trees, not like those sappy pines, who can just make a soap opera about it... Anyways, our flowers blossom after the leaves have appeared (of course!) usually in May or early June, and grow in dense clusters that contain up to 250 of them! Plus, they smell great which helps to attract bees and many other species of insects. At the end of summer, we can but out our characteristically wonderful red berries... Holly is just a late-blooming copycat. Also, we prefer peat-like soils that are not too dry and enjoy some sun, but not too much.

Titania: Thanks for the wonderful information! I'm sure our gardeners everywhere will enjoy your helpful tips. Good luck on the field and keep a clear head, it was a priviledge to speak to you.

Quickbeam: No problem, just be sure to keep the soil well-

Titania: Okay! Thanks for your time, it was a pleasure to speak with you...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, our next interviewers are a pair of twins that I know many of you are just dying of pre-raphaelite madness to hear from! Well, I was lucky enough to snag an interview with them before their father demanded some attention as well...

Titania: You two really saved the team out there!

Elladen&Elrohir (switching off at every few words): Yes, you could say that. We know our father meant well, but it seemed that he needed some help.

Titania: Oh, how thoughtful. You both are an impressive team, but may I ask something?

E&E (still ever few words): Of course...

Titania: Was it your intention to pull a trip-trick and knock the ball in?

Elladen: You might think it was a trick, but really, my brother is just that clumbsy. From as long as I can remember, he's always tripped over his own feet and managed to score at the same time... For anything.

Elrohir: Hey! She was asking me! Sorry, my brother is a bit of an attention-pig with these things. It's sort of a habit with him. I really didn't know I was going to score. I was there, out in the field watching a bird or two and seeing father almost put his back out with the ball, then suddenly the ball comes towards me and then i'm doing this tripping dance with the ball... Then, a goal!

Elladen: Wait! Not once did you mention my wonderful pass to you! If it wasn't for that you still would be standing there, waiting to fall on your face!

Elrohir: You are just jealous of my amazing tripping-goal scoring skills!

Titania: Both of you SHUT IT! Sorry, but I don't think the magazine has enough type-spacing for your arguement. Even though, it was rather wonderful.

E&E: Really?

Titania: Yes, but now onto other things. What do you think of the team as a whole and future games?

E&E: Well, we might have to get our keeper up to par and mix a few things here and there, but it's turned out better than we expected.

Titania: Wonderful! Well, I wish you two, the tripping-goal trick and the Riveldale Team the best out there.

E&E: Thanks for the support!

(Elladen walks out of the interview without a problem, Elrohir trips over a mircrophone wire then jumps up and goes on his way...)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that is all for today dear lads and lasses, until later on when we will be reporting about the tomorrow's sure to be heated matches!

All credit to THE Ka for writing this. Excellent stuff.

[Sleepy Ranger]

An Interview With Sauron - Drawn and Written by Valesse

SHOCKING DECISION
-Sleepy Ranger

Former player turned coach, Gandalf the Gray, made a shocking decision earlier today. As we know several teams have tried persistently to sign him on as their coach but for the past few years he has stuck to coaching the Shire until his contract ended just before the World Cup after which he retired. So hears some good news for all you old fans, Gandalf has decided to return to the Shire but not as coach. He has said that this time he'll be playing the field as offensive mid-fielder. The entire footballing world was stunned by his decision and he will certainly be a strong addition the Shire team but it has been a long while since he last played and people ask wether he will be able to live up to his old form or if age has finally caught up with him. He is scheduled to play in the first 11 in todays match against Rivendell. When our reporter Rune asked Gandalf what he had to say to the opposing teams, this was his reply, "I'm not a believer in luck but I do believe you need it."

The Result, The Reaction
-Hiriel

The excitement, and the need for more stringent law enforcement, builds as the first-ever Middle Earth Football Championship continued today in earnest.

In Rohan, however, precautions taken by the guard at Edoras seemed unnecessary following a loss to the Moria team that the horsemasters believed too conflicted to play successfully together. “We’ve only had one incident,” Marshal Erkenbrand reported late this evening. “Some kids were caught dragging a burning effigy of Bill the Balrog behind their ponies, which, given the dryness of the plains this time of year, we had to brake up. But quite frankly, I’d rather deal with the whole angry host of Isengaurd then have to watch the match-replay. We were a joke.” Expectations had been high in Rohan after Gondor’s sudden upset of Angband, and many harbored the hope that the team might sign star striker Thorongil to bolster Rohan’s already aggressive offense if they had won a decisive victory.

At Gondolin, however, the situation was surprisingly even quieter following the crushing five to nil victory over the Gray Havens. When asked about the lack of celebrations, mid-fielder Tuor pointed out, “Listen, we’re all really overjoyed about the win, but we can’t exactly go bonkers here. Angband right up the way and they’re P.O’d about losing their first match. I mean, really P.O’d. We get caught mooning somebody in drunken glee and we can say goodbye to our city.” Some other residents of Gondolin have added that the victory wasn’t at all unexpected, asking whether anybody besides ‘that fey dog, Cirdan’ have stayed in the Gray Havens long enough to be considered eligible for play.

Across the rest of Middle Earth, the post-match celebrations have been less sedate. Moria itself is reporting severe infistructure damage, especially bridges, following their win. Dwarves holidaying from Erebor are the suspected culprits, but no particular charges have been filed as yet. Doriath, too, was not without incident. An anonymous tip lead to soldiers having to break up what they described as “a hippie secondborn love fest.” Apparently, a large gathering of beautiful elven maidens were frolicking in the nude, singing and dancing with some human fans of the Doriath club out of Dorthonion. The humans apparently had the intention of playing, “Loose Melian’s girdle” all the way through the night, but have been turned out of the realm indefinitely.

And in Mirkwood, the hall of Thranduil will be in need of repair and washing after their upset over division rival, Erebor. Reports indicate that a great many spider webs were stolen to create a large message that read, “Leggy-Boopers and Proud!” which was strung rather haphazardly along the grand hall of the Mirkwood elves. At least seven web-related fatalities are confirmed among the spider population, as well as uncounted toe-nail polish related acts of vandalism and annoying games of ‘I Never’, played with apple juice.

Rivendell’s motto, however, following their close win against Vinyamar was, “Embrace the chaos.” Supporters of the Imladris club have said they weren’t altogether pleased with the performance, but any win was enough to endanger the Hall of Fire into becoming a literal reality. The rulers of Rivendell, to their credit, were able to turn such enthusiasm towards less arsonistic pursuits. Contests such as, ‘Outrun the Fords of Bruinen’ and ‘Sneak into Elrond’s Council’ were the order of the day along with massive amounts of drinking and bad poetry.

Exclusive Interview With The Barrow-Downs Team

Earlier today our staff managed to catch up with several members of the Barrow-Downs team and get their views on their upcoming match against Valmar. Our reporter first found the enigmatic mid-fielder The Phantom who had this to say, "I'm not worried at all about Valmar or Valimar. We could've blown out Woodhall in that first match, but instead we showed off most of the game, doing fancy dribbling and passing. That may not seem very smart, but I think it was good to show everyone what we could do- to intimidate them. I'm sure that free kick of mine that went completely out of the stadium scared the heck out of the goalies from Valmar and Valimar. They know that I could turn that power straight at their goal at any time. We're just going to go out and have fun in our next couple matches. We don't need to be all serious to beat the teams in our group. We'll save our serious play for the next round where we will likely be facing better teams."

Next we came across the Barrow-Downs mid-fielder and writer of the The Result, The Reaction column, Hiriel. This is what he said to us, "After the intense practices we've had all through the off season, to see everything come together for us in the opener, it was really amazing and gratifying. The important thing is that we don't lose our focus. We can deffinitely improve on our game and there's a lot of tough teams to beat out there."

The next was one of the 'Downs Defenders, Firefoot. "Valmar has some real power players, but a show of action from them is rare - the Valar are real passivists. As long as we come out hard I don't think we should have a lot of trouble with this team." is what she told us.

Another defender, Glirdan told us, "Well, let's just say that this is probably going to be a very interesting and difficult match. But I think we can handle it." and the mid-fielder Arcticstorm87 only said, "We will win." with an air of confidence around him.

After a lot of searching we finally found Gil-Galad in the lunchroom and this is what he told us about the match, "right, i think that they have a strong defense but very weak offense, so we can naturally just win cause you gotta have both...hi mom!" Of course we don't really know what he was talking about but we shall assume he meant the match.

Next up was Barrow-Downs newest signing and youngest player, Sleepy Ranger. He has felt the taste of cup victories before and upon being asked about the team and their next match this was his reply, "The Barrow-Downs is definately stronger than any other team I've played in. We have an excellent offense and defense and our mid-field takes no prisoners, I don't think we should have any problems qualifying. Valmar shouldn't be too hard and if we beat them by a big margin we'll be sending a clear message to the other teams, hope you get eliminated early so you don't have to face us."

Unfortunately The Saucepanman was mobbed by fans and unable to answer our question over the sound and Feanor of the Peredhil was away the whole day. As for the Barrow-Wight, he was too intimidating to approach for questioning. On the whole we wish the Barrow-Downs team luck and they definately look strong favorites.

What We Think - The Players and Managers have their say

Earlier today Rune caught up with some of the teams and their managers and got their thoughts on the tournament.

Faramir of Gondor - If we played like that every time we wouldn't be so inconsistent. Commenting on the 1-0 victory over Angaband.

Turgon of Vinyamar - We can't win at home, we can't win away. I just can't figure out where else to play. Commenting on his teams unlucky 1 goal loss to Rivendell.

Balin - Azog sliced the ball when he had it on a plate. For once he has something good to say on Azog, speaking of the goal scored by Azog at the end of their pinball play.

Saruman - Without being too harsh on Grima, he cost us the match. Speaking on his teams 4-2 loss against Doriath.

Frodo - My legs sort of disappeared from nowhere. What he had to say about a missed goal in the first half of their match against Arnor.

Now that we've seen what they had to say about their previous matches heres what they have to say about their upcoming matches.

Samwise - I honestly believe we can go all the way to the final unless somebody knocks us out. Sam showing us just how optimistic he is.

Elrond - I never predict anything, and I never will. Must be a fancy way of saying no comment.

Thingol - You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe that we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out. I can't see that happening any time soon. Stick to your beliefs!

Todays Fixtures - The Odds and Evens

Game 1 - Old Forest vs. Moria
One team has just come off a goal loss and the other a goal win. One team has few quality players but excellent team work and the other has excellent talent but they have trouble getting along. This should be an interesting match.
Predicted Result - Draw

Game 2 - Shire vs. Rivendell
With the return of Gandalf the Shire definately looks a strong team but it remains to be seen wether or not Gandalf still has it in him. If he does then this should be a walk-over unless Rivendell is saved by luck but as always that is a trippy matter.
Predicted Result - Win for Shire

Game 3 - Barrow-Downs vs. Valmar
Barrow-Downs has the home team advantage in this match and the players are definately confident and prepared after their 1-0 win in the opening game. Valmar just came off a humiliating defeat (result taken as draw) against rivals Valimar in a penalty shootout. Though they are a good team it'll take something special to defeat the Barrow-Downs.
Predicted Result - Win for Barrow-Downs

Game 4 - Nargothrond vs. Mirkwood
Nargothrond have the better offense but often lack accuracy and play too aggressive. On the other hand Mirkwood has excellent accuracy and agile players with excellent dribbling ability but they may often find themselves running uphill against the hard as rock defense of Nargothrond. Nargothrond have an amazing offensive player in Turin and he will most likely win the match for them.
Predicted Result - Win for Nargothrond

Game 5 - Dale vs Bree
This match is a complete waste of time. Both teams managed to draw against two much stronger teams and now are up against each other. Trust me don't waste your money on these two. But Dale has a clear advantage since Bree is missing its two main players, one on a red card and the other injured.
Predicted Result - Win for Dale (Probably their only)

Game 6 - Goblin-Town vs. Doriath
Is this supposed to be funny? Because its not. Doriath will destroy Goblin-Town since they posess superior everything. This match will be a worth a watch only if you enjoy seeing squash matches.
Predicted Result - Win for Doriath

Game 7 - Lothlorien vs. Fangorn
This promises to be an exciting game and will be one of the better ones of the evening. Lothlorien lost to Crickhollow in a game where they were billed as favorites and Fangorn drew against Aqualonde. This will be an interesting match seeing how both teams have very good defenses though a somewhat shaky offense. This one will be close and I see Lorien gaining an early advantage but after an Ent-Moot at half-time I can see Fangorn making a come back but not doing enough to win.
Predicted Result - Draw

Game 8 - Gondor vs. Gondolin
This match will be a real clash of offenses. Gondor just came off a win against Angband while Gondolin demolished Grey Havens. I expect the goalies and forwards to play a major role in this match but Gondolin may edge the match away owing to a superior defense yet Gondor will make this match close and this will definately be one of the better matches in the tournament.
Predicted Result - Win for Gondolin

Tournament Happenings

Injuries -
Smaug (Erebor) will miss the next match because of a belly injury.
Tar-Enclime (Numenor) will miss the next match due to a broken nose.
Barliman Butterbur (Bree) will be out indefinately due to a hamstring injury.

Cards -
Melkor (Angaband) recieved a red card and a 2 match suspension.
Dark Lord (Mordor) was given a yellow card.
Manwe (Valmar) was given a yellow card.
Varda (Valimar) was given a yellow card.
Bill Ferny (Bree) recieved a red card and 2 match suspension.
Elros (Numenor) recieved a red card and 2 match suspension.
Saruman (Isengard) recieved a red card on two yellow cards but his match suspension was dropped after he appealed to the governing body.

Most Promising Player - Ugluk (Isengard) was a cut above the rest due to sheer determination and will-power alone. He played excellent and managed to keep the team under control even after their captain was sent off. He managed to score the teams only two goals under a lot of pressure and is a fan-favorite among orcs, uruk-hai and trolls alike. Once Saruman retires I see him taking charge of Isengard.

Most Impressive Team - Gondolin definately impressed on the field in their first match. A five goal romp over Gray Havens was enough to show their intent on winning this cup. This team will make it to the finals and probably win the cup as well if they can keep up this form of play. It will be interesting to see if they keep their current 3-4-3 formation or change to a more definsive one for their later matches.
---

Thank you Valesse, Hiriel, THE Ka and Rune for your contributions. Hope to see more from you soon. Also thanks to the team for taking the time to respond to the interview.

[Sleepy Ranger]

Todays matches are live from The Doriath Dome and will begin airing at 4:00pm EST (Elven Standard Time)

Old Forest 1-3 Moria

This match was all about missed penalties and hard tackles. The match started off with Balin blasting an early one straight at goal only to have it bounce back off the cross-bar, his next chance came in the 33rd minute when he found himself free and in the box but a slight fumble gave Old Man Willow all the time he needed to make the save. Due to that him and Bill had a falling out and both began to play rough after that with Bill giving away a penalty in the 39th minute. Alas, The Master went for high and hard only to have the ball sailing into the crowds. Even though Moria's coach talked to both Balin and Bill at half-time they couldn't settle their differences and continued their hatred in the second half.

Upon missing another goal, Bill started arguing with Balin which gave The Master the space he needed to charge in and score the opener in the 67th minute. The crowd though remained silent. Soon after the first goal the Moria supporters joined hands and began to chat, "UNITED WE STAND!" over and over causing Bill to attempt their pinball play again which Azog finished off with a diving header. Right after that Balin stole the ball in mid-field and charged down centre to blast in Moria's second goal. Master found himself in the box again and hit a hard shot but a goblin accidently touched the ball with his hand, giving Old Forest a chance to equalize with a penalty. Alas luck was against them and the ball went the wrong side of the post. Moria though had no such problem with penalties as Azog converted a 90th minute one into their third goal.
---

Shire 2-0 Rivendell

It looks like Gandalf's return was what it took to set the Shire into action. Pippin, still in the same form as earlier, went on the offensive from the first whistle. He had many shots on the goal in the first few minutes but the Rivendell defense was able to keep their goal empty. Finally a long ball played by Gandalf was converted into a goal by Pippin in the 47th minute after which Shire went defensive and held off Rivendell until Sam found the ball at his feet near the goal, he shot it straight at the goalie who somehow managed to keep it out. Frodo passed the ball on to Merry who crossed it into the box for Pippin to score off a header.
---

Barrow-Downs 2-1 Valmar

This match was a classic, one for the history books. Manwe managed to fight through the 'Downs defense and chip the ball over Barrow-Wight and into the goal in the 15th minute of the match after which this match turned into a heated battle with both teams taking several shots on the goal. Sleepy Ranger did manage to get one past the Valmar goalie in the 59th minute only to be called back for being offside. The replay however, showed that Sleepy was onside. It wasn't until the 90th minute that Valmar made a mistake and gave Phantom a free-kick from 22m out. Phantom shot the ball strong and hard but it seemed it would go over the goal, instead it struck the cross-bar and fell straight down and rolled into the goal. Immediatly after Sleepy stole the ball and made a determined run for goal, he was quickly surrounded and passed to Saucepan who immediatly shot only to have the ball turned away for a corner. Phantom took the corner masterfully, curving the ball in towards the box where Sleepy Ranger finished the job with a header. Barrow-Downs took the win without a second to spare.
---

Nargothrond 2-2 Mirkwood

This match was another heated contest that saw Nargothrond take an early lead with a fantastic strike from way out by Turin. The ball rose high over the defense before dropping sharply through the goalkeeper's outstretched arms and into the goal prompting the crowd to begin a Black Sword! chant. Mirkwood managed to get past the Nargothrond defense by constantly passing the ball back and forth until Legolas shot it in the bottom right corner to equalize in the 56th minute. The mid-field didn't play much of a role in this match but Finrod Felagun, the offensive mid-fielder managed to curve a high shot into the goal to snatch a lead in the 78th minute. When the match looked all over a mis-timed tackle gave Legolas a Free-Kick from the edge of the box, which he converted into a goal.
---

Dale 0-0 Bree

Neither team did much out there but Bree played well despite missing their top players. Nob put a scare into Dale when he charged down the flank but a sliding tackle by Bard ensured he would go no further. On the whole there wasn't much worth talking about in this match but the players out in a solid effort.
---

Goblin-Town 0-3 Doriath

Beleg played a dominating role in this match and scored all 3 of Doriath's goals. His first was of a header from a Thingol corner in the 40th minute. The second came in the 70th, when he found himself free of his marker. He charged to the box and faked out the keeper and then nudged the ball into the goal. His third goal followed soon after, another Thingol corner but this time the keeper got a hand to it only to have Beleg knock it in. Goblin-Town were never given a chance to recover.
---

Lothlorien 1-2 Fangorn

It seemed the predictions were right, Lothlorien took the lead agains a sleeping Fangorn defense and then managed to defend it for the first half but after the half Fangorn began to mount a come-back. Treebeard took his time and made it into the box before shooting the ball in along with the goalie, Celeborn, who hung on for the ride. Next was a fantastic effort by Quickbeam, where he rushed in and took a quick shot at goal and sunk in the winner for Fangorn. With 20 minutes to go Lothloriend attempted to score again but they were shut out by Fangorn's goalie and stiff defense.
---

Gondor 6-1 Gondolin

Gondor won this match purely on their defensive abilities, proving the proverb, 'The best offense is a good defense.' true. The crowd was clearly in support of Gondor and this seemed to give them a huge boost in morale. Faramir scored the opening goal it the 23rd minute causing the crowd to go nuts and even more craziness followed when Aragorn blasted one in from close range minutes later. A short pass into the box from Faramir in the 33rd minute was converted into a goal by his brother, Boromir. The crowd could be heard chanting, "Power of Two". Minutes before the end of the half Imrahil netted in a header from a long pass to score Gondor's 4th goal, driving the crowd insane. This match seemed to be over at half-time with the score 4-0 but Aragorn had some unfinished buisness.

As soon as the half resumed, Turgon managed to decrease the biterness by scoring an easy goal but a superb long shot by Aragorn completely deflated whatever comeback Gondoling had begun. Aragorn then scored of a 72nd minute penalty causing the Gondor supporters to explode in cheers. For the rest of the match the crowd could be heard screaming, "Hail the King!" in honor of Aragorn.
---

Today's results were certainly 'shocking'. What do you people have to say about them? It seems the teams in Group H are going to start an all-out war for the qualifying positions.