Middle Earth Idol

[Alcarillo]

*ahem* My name is Alcarillo, I'm from Harlindon. Ever since I was only a tiny child all I've ever wanted to do in life was to sing. I've spent thousands of dollars on my own vocal coach and I practice everyday. I am the next Middle-earth Idol.

I will be singing "You're Beautiful", by the famous minstrel James Blunt, in the voice of the famous dwarf hero Gimli on the night he famously drank his record ten barrels of beer. I'm told by my vocal coach that it's a very beautiful and misunderstood style.

*cough, cough*

My axe is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw a Maia
Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the Silverlode
She was with a guy called Silver-Tree
But I won't lose any sleep tonight
'Cause I've got her hairs three.

You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you're face in a tree-filled place
And I don't know what to do
…um…um…just a moment

*Alcarillo removes a badly crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, reads it quickly, then resumes singing*

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye
As we paddled by
And she could see from my face that I was
Flying high!
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful, you're beautiful-

*Alcarillo is stopped by the judges before he can finish*

[Sleepy Ranger]

Alcarillo

You're beautiful? More like you're pathetic. I don't mean to be rude when I say this but you were appalling, pathetic, out of tune and well worse than terrible. In fact I'd say that there aren't enough adjectives to describe how bad that was. Take my advice, forget about singing, you can't do any.

Its a no from me.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

*cough* Well, hello... erm... yes. I bring before you a song of such... erm... good... that it may just cause a stomach ulcers to the listeners... yes.
My name is... *reads card* Hookbill the Goomba. I've never been a good singer (or anything else for that matter), but I know a few things about captions... that can't be too different... can it?
*Silence*
... yes...
I'm going to sing that old song: Too Old to Rock and Roll, Too Young to Die by Jethro Tull. In the voice of Merriadoc Brandybuck. Lyrics may be slightly (read: Very) changed.

***

Too Old to go to War, Too Young to die

(a-1, a-2, a-1,2,3,4!)

The old Ranger wore his hair too long,
Wore his trouser cuffs too tight.
Unfashionable to the end drank his ale too light.
Gondor's belt buckle: yesterday's dreams
The transport caf' prophet of doom.
Ringing no change in his Long shanks seems
In his post-war-ring gloom.

Now he's too o- o- old to to go to wa- wa- war but he's too young to die.

He once owned a Horse, "Davidson", and a big shiny sword.
Counted his friends in greasy Bree inns
And prays that he always will.
But he's the last of the king's blood Gondor boys
All of his mates are doing time:
Married with three kids up by the west road
Sold their souls straight down the line.

And some of them own little horses
And meet at the tennis club do's.
For drinks on a Sunday work on Monday.
They've thrown away their shields and spears.

Now they're too o- o- old to go to wa- wa- War and they're too young to die.

So the old Ranger gets out his horse
To make a ton before he takes his leave.
Up on the green way by Shire Corner
Just like it used to be.
And as he flies tears in his eyes
His wind-whipped words echo the final take
And he hits the east road doing around 120
With no room left to brake.

And he was too o- o- old to go to Wa- wa- War but he was too young to die.

No, you're never too o- o- old to go to wa- wa- War if you're too young to die!

But he was too young... to Die!!

*Gun shot*

[Glirdan]

Alcarillo
I'm sorry dude, but that didn't work for me. The worst part was when you took out that piece of paper because you forgot the words. Dude, if you can't remember words, you can't be on this show. It's a no dude.

[Sleepy Ranger]

Hookbill

Hello Hookbill, I like you, you know that? It doesn't matter if you think you're a good singer or not, what matters is what I think. And I think you're good enough to go far, you've got a career waiting out there somewhere but with the way you sing right now that could be several years away. However its just one song, its a yes from me but you have to promise me you're going to try your hardest to improve.

[Glirdan]

Hookbill
Considering you've had no vocal experience, I must say that was pretty good. It was, by far, not the best I've heard so far but you do have skill and you do have that (as Cowell says it) have that x-factor. It's a yes from me dog.

[wilwarin538]

Alcarillo
I'm so sorry Alcarilo, but I just don't think you have what it takes in this competition. You seem sweet but if you can't remember words to the songs you sing you wouldn't do well in this competition. Sorry hun, but its a no.

Hookbill
Do people in this competition all have terrible memories?! You couldn't remember your name! You seem like a nice guy Hookbill but you're to shy and you had to read your name from a card, I'm afraid it has to be a no from me. Sorry.