The Mount Zoom Challenge - GAME

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The First challenge: Troll Toll

There is a Troll in the road. He demands that all Vehicles pay the toll.
You do not have any money, by the way. I just gave it to the Lord of Eagles. Sorry.

[Maeggaladiel]

"TOLL?!?" Roared the Dark Lord, little flames burning in the eye sockets of his great black helmet. "YOU DARE DEMAND A TOLL, YOU WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A TROLL??" Sauron stopped; the flames extinguished and his gloved hand went to his mouth.

"Hee hee." he sniggered. "DID YOU HEAR THAT, MOUTH? I MADE A RHYME. DAMN, I AM CLEVER."

"Must you always speak so loudly, my Lord? I'm right here." the Mouth said crossly, covering his ears. "And anyway, everyone within a five-mile radius will be able to hear your evil plots if you yell like that all the time."

"THIS IS MY EVIL VOICE," Sauron explained. "IT MAKES ME MORE INTIMIDATING. LOOK, IT'S A DARK LORD THING. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND."

"Whatever you say, my Lord."

Sauron turned his attention back to the troll, who was still waiting with an opened palm in front of Mount Zoom.

"I DO NOT HAVE ANY POCKET CHANGE, MOUTH," Sauron said. "I SPENT IT ON CHEETOS AND MOUNTAIN DEW FOR THE TRIP. I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D HAVE ANY...?"

The Mouth gave him a hard glare.

"VERY WELL. IT APPEARS WE SHALL HAVE TO USE MORE EVIL MEANS TO BYPASS THIS BEAST. I BELIEVE AN EVIL THINK-TANK IS IN ORDER, MOUTH. COME, LET US PLOT!!"

(OK Glirdan, come on in!)

[Sleepy Ranger]

Orth-Tank Tired of being second best

After a while of steady movement Saruman had left the Orth-Tank under control of Grima and had headed indoors to re-check his maps. Yes, they would travel through Moria. It would be a dangerous way but what did that matter, were they not notorious villains with the exclusion of Grima? Saruman chuckled lightly and headed towards a peadestel, yes, he had something that none else (with the possible exception of Mount Zoom and Dwarfy) possessed. He swept the sheet off the pedestal revealing a fine palantir. Sauman let out an evil laugh as the scene darkened to acknowledge the evil foreshadowing. All of a sudden, much to Saruman's surprise Grima stuck his head inside. "Sir!" He exclaimed. "How many times must I tell you not to interrupt during foreshadowing?" Snarled Saruman angrily, covering the palantir again.

"Sir is that a palantir?" asked the underling prodingly. "No... well everyone has one." replied Saruman sulkily. "Sir, I'm not sure a thing of such power is allowed." "Oh hush now! What did I tell you earlier? We're villains, we cheat. C-H-E-A-T; cheat!" Saruman shot at Grima angrily. "But hang on, if you're here who is driving? Are we even moving?" He added, strokig his great white beard. Grima hesitated and then began to speak, "Well sir thats why I'm here, you see theres a great big troll blocking the road and hes asking us to pay the toll." "Well, pay him and give him something extra... tell him we don't want anyone else moving forward." Saruman said sneering at Grima. "Perfect sir, just one worry." "What is it Grima?" Saruman asked watching his nails lazily. "Dwarfy the Dwarf took all our money." Grima said shuffling his feet. "What?!?" Shouted Saruman. "Dwarfy the Dwarf took all..." Grima was interrupted by Saruman, "Not that kind of what you fool. Now come, we must think of something to do."

So Saruman and Grima sat and they thought and thought and munched on some of Saruman's not-so-pretty cookies. "I know!" Shout up Grima all of a sudden. "What is it lad?" inquired Saruman, voice bursting with excitement. "Perhaps we could offer it some cookies!" Said Grima. "No, thats no good. That stupid Sauron will probably offer him his pretty cookies and then we'll be in trouble." Saruman shook his head. Grima asked him worriedly, "What do you propose my lord?" "Hush, let me think." Saruman sits there, thinking and stroking his beard. "I know!" Grima sprang up again. "Now what?" asked Saruman dryly. "Your voice, sire!" He said bubblily. "Somehow I don't think my singing will put the beast to sleep." Said Saruman impatiently. "No sir! Your voice, you could talk it into letting us past!" Said Grima suggestively.

"Oh now don't be an idiot you know that would never work but I've just had a brilliant plan. I shall talk our way past that no good troll! Lets see it resist the will turning power of my voice! I am a genius!" Saruman said raising up at full height and doing a few Boromir the Disco-King imitations. "But I had that idea first." Grima began to complain but a quick bonk on the head from Saruman's staff was enough to shut him up. "Are you saying you have a better idea Grima?" Saruman asked him raising an eyebrow as Grima squealed. "Well out with it."

---
Alright Menel, your thoughts and suggestions now.

[Glirdan]

OCC - Sorry, I've been at school all day...

The Mouth was feeling quite defeaned. His Master had quite a booming voice when he was talking normally, but add to the fact that he was being totally evil as well as talking over the Moutain's engine, it was quite deafening...

"VERY WELL. IT APPEARS WE SHALL HAVE TO USE MORE EVIL MEANS TO BYPASS THIS BEAST. I BELIEVE AN EVIL THINK-TANK IS IN ORDER, MOUTH. COME, LET US PLOT!!"

"Yes my lord... but please, try and keep your voice down. It's making me go deaf in my..."

"NEVER MIND YOUR HEARING MOUTH!! WE NEED TO PLOT!! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

"Of course my liege, it's just that... Ah never mind. Let us plot indeed. I was thinking..."

[Meneltarmacil]

"What I'd suggest, my lord, is we use one of our little surprises on it," Grima said.

He opened a door. Inside were numerous cages in which about a thousand little rodents were frothing at the mouth and gnawing at the bars.

"WHAT?! THAT's where all that incessant squealing was coming from? Who put those hamsters in here? I'll kill him!" the White Wizard bellowed at a needlessly loud volume.

"Um, well, uh, I... kind of brought them along," Grima admitted.

He suddenly found himself being thrown to the ceiling and back.

"What I was going to suggest was that you could release these rabid killer hamsters against the troll. I mean, no offense, Master, but that voice of yours, well, it's, um, kind of horri-"

"YES?" Saruman glared at Womtongue, staff pointed at his face.

"Never mind," Wormtongue whimpered. "Though we could just run over the troll or feed him to the Wargs. Perhaps you could use that staff of yours to perform some kind of mind trick on him so he does something ridiculous, too."

[Alcarillo]

The Witch-king and the Troll

Minas Mor-go rolled happily through the woods of Mirkwood, snapping apart any trees unlucky enough to get in its way. They had already rolled past the elves, who shrieked and shot arrows at Minas Mor-go's impenetrable walls. The Witch-king, to amuse himself, dropped a few orcs onto them, and was very pleased to hear the elves scream. He watched with fascination, and called Ringwraith #4 over to the wall to watch.

"I don't think we should be doing that, sir," Ringwraith #4 said. "We don't want to lose many more orcs. Already we've lost ten from the riot, and now you've dropped seven more onto the elves!"

"Aw, come on, just listen to the screams. We can always grab more orcs when we reach the Misty Mountains. I'm headed back to the steering wheel."

"You mean no one's steering!?"

"Relax, I used duct tape to keep it straight."

And so the Witch-king of Angmar and Ringwraith #4 returned to the steering wheel. The Witch-king untaped it and began steering through the forest. Trees and branches snapped and Minas Mor-go dipped up and down through the little valleys. They followed a little path for a bit through the forest, though it was too narrow for even one wheel to rest upon, and Minas Mor-go straddled it. The good thing was that Mount Zoom and Bag Endless-fuel were nowhere in sight, and they did not come upon their tracks through the forests. We could be ahead, thought the Witch-king. But it was not long before the Witch-king slammed the brakes, sending Ringwraith #4 stumbling across the top of the gate.

"What? Why have we stopped?"

"There's a troll in our way," said the Witch-king, "And he's just sitting there, in the middle of the path."

"Why don't we just run over him?"

The Witch-king glared at him. "Are you always so simple-minded? We can't just run over him. Let's hear what he has to say."

So the Witch-king and Ringwraith #4 leaned over the ramparts and saw the troll sitting in the middle of the path. He was a fat troll, and pretty ugly, too, with tiny squinty eyes and a gigantic nose. The Witch-king said in his best Troll-speech, "You there! You, the ugly troll! Get out of the road!"

The troll shouted up at them, "Pay toll!"

"We don't have any cash! Let us through!"

"Pay toll!"

"Let us through!"

"Pay toll!"

The Witch-king retreated from the wall's edge and wandered back to the steering wheel. "Stupid troll. Too stupid to do anything. Can't even move out of the way. Dammit. We need to get past this troll! Ringwraith #4, what do you say we do?"

[Gurthang]

A Tall Toll Troll

Originally Posted by Alcarillo

The Witch-king retreated from the wall's edge and wandered back to the steering wheel. "Stupid troll. Too stupid to do anything. Can't even move out of the way. Dammit. We need to get past this troll! Ringwraith #4, what do you say we do?"

Still slightly hurt from being called simple-minded, Ring Wraith #4 looked down at the Tall Toll Troll in disgust. The nerve of such a creature! To stand in the middle of a mirky wood and demand that a toll be paid. Why would he pick such a place for his Trolling and Tolling? Surely somewhere far away from the race (or closer to the other racers at least) would have been a much better place.

Looking at the troll bought him shorter time then he had hoped, for before long the Witch King demanded: "Well! What say you!"

Making a face at the Witch King (which he couldn't see, fortunately *), he searched his mind for an answer. He was startled to realize how simple his mind actually was to search through, and quickly came back with the first thought he could find.

"Well, all we have to do is wait 'til morning and he'll turn to stone!"

The Witch-King sighed deeply. In his most exasperated tone he said, "First off, it's so dark here in Mirkwood that the sun will never touch him. We'll wait here forever and he'll never turn to stone, and we'll have surely lost the race then! Seriously, think of something worthwhile!"

"Maybe we could use mirrors to reflect the light on him!"

"No, indirect lighting never works right, you Dolt! You better think of something quick or I'll chain you to the axle!"

Horrified at the thought, Ring Wraith #4 wracked his simple-mind for anything. But all he could think of was that horrible possibility of being chained down in the dungeon. He was not horrified of being chained to the axle... pain was something he enjoyed, actually. He was more horiffied of being stuck down there with all those dirty, writhing orcs! Ooohh, disgusting. Wait! That was it!

"Sir, Witch-King, maybe we can do something with the orcs? I'm not sure what we'd do, but I think we can spare just a few more for something."



*I know this is technically wrong because, although the Ringwraiths were invisible to mortals, they all lived together in the Shadow Realm, and so plausibly could have seen each other there. Still, I liked it so much that I put it in.