How to Annoy Sauron(a.k.a How to get yourself killed) - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

The Only Real Estel · 12-16-2006, 04:07 PM

Go trick-or-treating to Barad-Dur in a Huon costume.

Captain Grishnahk · 12-18-2006, 08:21 AM

Whenver he tells you to do somthing... say "Aye! Get it... you're an eye."
That's not funny... but i'll think of one that is.

Dunwen · 01-08-2007, 11:33 PM

Tell him the MERS (Middle Earth Revenue Service) sent him a notice that he owes 3,000 years of back payroll taxes.

He has to find the Form 9731 used in each calendar year (by the Elves' reckoning) and fill one out for each minion of Mordor for each year he/she/it was on the payroll, sign them, make copies of all of the signed originals for Mordor's files and mail them, along with payment, to PO Box VALAR-01. By next Monday.

Additionally, he has to fill out the necessary forms for all private contractors (i.e. Shelob, Saruman, the Corsairs of Umbar) for every year they rendered service to the Dark Lord of a worth greater than 100 silver pennies, in triplicate. Page one must be sent to the MERS. By next Monday. Page two must be sent to the contractors themselves and the third page is, of course, for the files of Mordor.

Then he has to compute the estimated local unemployment insurance for Mordor for the upcoming calendar year, make his initial deposit to cover them, and make sure he has enough Form M9731s for all his minions to fill out for the upcoming calendar year (Elves' reckoning).

And he's being audited. Next Monday.

Hookbill the Goomba · 01-09-2007, 04:03 AM

Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord.

OR

Show up to a meeting in one of those inflatable sumo-wrestler suits.

Elonve · 01-09-2007, 07:58 AM

Make fat jokes about his 'Mummy'

Talk in a very annoying spitty voice.

Prance around in his knickers singing, "I am Lord Sauron! Weeeeee!"
________
Vaporizers For Sale

Alphaelin · 01-30-2007, 02:22 AM

Tell him you've enrolled the Orcs in ballet class, and that he has to watch their recital. Dress the Orcs in pink costumes, with maribou feathers. Make the Orcs dance to 'I'm a little teapot', and make them practice it about fifty times a day. Be sure to plan the recital for the exact moment Aragorn's army shows up at the Morannon.

Elmo · 01-30-2007, 10:33 AM

Claim that the size of Barad-Dur is Sauron trying to compensate for something

THE LACK OF A SECOND EYE of course, what did you think i was meaning

Chant ma me ma mo, ma me ma mae over and over again in an irritating high pitch voice, no wait just get Pippin to do it

Morai · 01-09-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord.

Nah, I think an prissy, stuck up elf would be better. Or, in case the elf refuses on grounds of poor pay, have Saruman do the job. That would really tick Sauron off.

Elonve · 01-17-2007, 04:12 AM

poke him in his eye
________
SQUIRTING WET

Morai · 01-17-2007, 09:59 AM

Walk up to Sauron, and tell him in a professional voice "Boss? The Police called earlier. It seems they've written you a ticket for using a Palantir while driving."

Morgoth's Apprentice · 05-15-2008, 11:55 PM

-dump a bucket of water on his eye
-try to put his eye out with a pointed stick
-insult him right to his face (i mean eye i guess)
-tell him that the witch king is a poor choice for a servant
-insult Morgoth in front of him
-play hide and seek with him until he gets ****ed off that he cant find you

..more to come later...

kementari · 05-22-2008, 06:02 AM

Firstly misplace his morning supply of coffee...
Pull all the blankets on to your side (he doesn't need them, he's all flames anyway)
Don't iron the creases out of his work shirts.

I'm sure he's not that tempamental, but hey who knows.

Galadriel55 · 11-20-2010, 07:01 PM

Tell him he's cross-eyed.
Spray hair-spray into his eye.
Tell him that 9 fingers really isn't enough for a King of ME.
Offer him to tutor him in music. Particularly in singing.
Ask him if he ever blinks.
Present him with a fake Ruling Ring.
Through sand in his eye.
Tell him that a hairy midget will destroy him.
Knock on Barad-dur's gates and say "pizza's here!"
Tell him that there are atom bombs prepared in Minas Tirith, and his best weapon is a rusty musket.
Tell him that his eye would be more attractive if it was green.
Say "Huan" in his earshot (eye-shot?)
Remind him that he doesn't have a license to use a palantir.

There are so many ways!

12-18-2006, 08:21 AM	#2
Captain Grishnahk Wight Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 106	Whenver he tells you to do somthing... say "Aye! Get it... you're an eye." That's not funny... but i'll think of one that is. __________________ "Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." --J.R.R. Tolkien

01-09-2007, 04:03 AM	#4
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord. OR Show up to a meeting in one of those inflatable sumo-wrestler suits. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

01-09-2007, 07:58 AM	#5
Elonve Wight Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Where the stars go blue. Posts: 153	Make fat jokes about his 'Mummy' Talk in a very annoying spitty voice. Prance around in his knickers singing, "I am Lord Sauron! Weeeeee!" ________ Vaporizers For Sale Last edited by Elonve; 04-09-2011 at 06:23 PM.

01-30-2007, 02:22 AM	#6
Alphaelin Wight Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Tottering about in the Wild Posts: 130	Tell him you've enrolled the Orcs in ballet class, and that he has to watch their recital. Dress the Orcs in pink costumes, with maribou feathers. Make the Orcs dance to 'I'm a little teapot', and make them practice it about fifty times a day. Be sure to plan the recital for the exact moment Aragorn's army shows up at the Morannon. __________________ Not all those who wander are lost . . . because some of us know how to read a map.

01-30-2007, 10:33 AM	#7
Elmo Pittodrie Poltergeist Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: trying to find that warm and winding lane again Posts: 633	Claim that the size of Barad-Dur is Sauron trying to compensate for something THE LACK OF A SECOND EYE of course, what did you think i was meaning Chant ma me ma mo, ma me ma mae over and over again in an irritating high pitch voice, no wait just get Pippin to do it __________________ As Beren looked into her eyes within the shadows of her hair, The trembling starlight of the skies he saw there mirrored shimmering.

12-16-2006, 04:07 PM	#1
The Only Real Estel Raffish Rapscallion Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Far from the 'Downs, it seems :-( Posts: 2,835	Go trick-or-treating to Barad-Dur in a Huon costume.

01-08-2007, 11:33 PM	#3
Dunwen Wight Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 107	Tell him the MERS (Middle Earth Revenue Service) sent him a notice that he owes 3,000 years of back payroll taxes. He has to find the Form 9731 used in each calendar year (by the Elves' reckoning) and fill one out for each minion of Mordor for each year he/she/it was on the payroll, sign them, make copies of all of the signed originals for Mordor's files and mail them, along with payment, to PO Box VALAR-01. By next Monday. Additionally, he has to fill out the necessary forms for all private contractors (i.e. Shelob, Saruman, the Corsairs of Umbar) for every year they rendered service to the Dark Lord of a worth greater than 100 silver pennies, in triplicate. Page one must be sent to the MERS. By next Monday. Page two must be sent to the contractors themselves and the third page is, of course, for the files of Mordor. Then he has to compute the estimated local unemployment insurance for Mordor for the upcoming calendar year, make his initial deposit to cover them, and make sure he has enough Form M9731s for all his minions to fill out for the upcoming calendar year (Elves' reckoning). And he's being audited. Next Monday.

01-17-2007, 04:12 AM	#9
Elonve Wight Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Where the stars go blue. Posts: 153	poke him in his eye ________ SQUIRTING WET Last edited by Elonve; 04-09-2011 at 06:23 PM.

01-17-2007, 09:59 AM	#10
Morai Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: May 2002 Location: Where young people go to retire Posts: 709	Random Titles get pulled over.... Walk up to Sauron, and tell him in a professional voice "Boss? The Police called earlier. It seems they've written you a ticket for using a Palantir while driving." __________________ "So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar? MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com

05-15-2008, 11:55 PM	#11
Morgoth's Apprentice Animated Skeleton Join Date: May 2008 Location: In Angband, chillin with Morgoth and learning how to take over the world Posts: 38	-dump a bucket of water on his eye -try to put his eye out with a pointed stick -insult him right to his face (i mean eye i guess) -tell him that the witch king is a poor choice for a servant -insult Morgoth in front of him -play hide and seek with him until he gets ****ed off that he cant find you ..more to come later...

05-22-2008, 06:02 AM	#12
kementari Haunting Spirit Join Date: May 2003 Location: Amongst the Ferns: New Zealand Posts: 56	Annoying Sauron Firstly misplace his morning supply of coffee... Pull all the blankets on to your side (he doesn't need them, he's all flames anyway) Don't iron the creases out of his work shirts. I'm sure he's not that tempamental, but hey who knows. __________________ ~ Kementari ~ Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo.

11-20-2010, 07:01 PM	#13
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,511	Tell him he's cross-eyed. Spray hair-spray into his eye. Tell him that 9 fingers really isn't enough for a King of ME. Offer him to tutor him in music. Particularly in singing. Ask him if he ever blinks. Present him with a fake Ruling Ring. Through sand in his eye. Tell him that a hairy midget will destroy him. Knock on Barad-dur's gates and say "pizza's here!" Tell him that there are atom bombs prepared in Minas Tirith, and his best weapon is a rusty musket. Tell him that his eye would be more attractive if it was green. Say "Huan" in his earshot (eye-shot?) Remind him that he doesn't have a license to use a palantir. There are so many ways! __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 12-22-2010 at 05:38 PM.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode