The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Because it's fun!

Special thanks to morm for his story this week...



This week, The Phantom has a little surprise...

[Lalwendë]

Splendid! That made me laugh out loud and now everyone is wondering what's so funny that I are looking at.

[mormegil]

Wow! Published again. Thanks Hookbill

[Kath]

Kath will be back to normal within 6 to 10 'weeks'.

'Weeks'?

Cheers for that morm!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Yet more letters to the editor...

Dear sir,

I wish to point out that your recent story about "Local Man Disappointed by morning post" is a disgraceful invasion of privacy. My morning post it my own to be disappointed with or not.
Yours etc, etc,

Sir Pos Tman.

__

Dear Mr Tman,

You smell bad.

Yours,
The Editor.

__

Dear Sir,

Is it true that The Downer Newspaper has been bought out by an evil genius with grand plans of dishonouring The Barrow Wight though slanderous stories and ridiculous pictures?

Yours,
The Barrow... Gwite.

__

Dear Mr Gwite

Everything you said is a lie. Please, go and eat a bag of salt.

Yours,
The Editor

__

Dear sir,

Is your comic strip 'The Phantom and Alien' really based on the life events of Sir Harold Boswinworth, the 2 world war veteran? Because there are an awful lot of similarities in the recent episodes.

Yours
Sir Jeff Boswinworth

__

Dear Mr Boswinworth

The Phantom and Alien is based on a true story.

Yours,
The Editor.

[Lalwendë]

Sir,

How dare you presume that we want to read True Stories of Phantom and Alien in our daily newspapers? The world is full of enough bad things, why, we are all going to Hull in a handcart, this country's going to the dogs, where will it all end, blah blah blah. You are going to give me a coronary, why, I'm already turning as purple as a golfing jersey with all this Truth. I shall be reading the Daily Mail in future,

Yours

Smythe-Smythe (Colonel)
4 Pompous Towers
Tunbridge Wells

...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Dear Smythe-Smythe (Colonel),

I don't like such letters. You will be pleased to know that it has been incinerated and your views have been passed on to the tramp outside our offices.

Yours,
The Editor.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

The film industry is always eager to jump on the possibility of making a quid or two from other people's suffering and dispossession. And here on The Barrow Downs it is no different. In anticipation of the official first anniversary of The Downer Newspaper, here is a film that you will be seeing in your local sleezy cinema some time soon...



The Film itself is completely useless. There is virtually no story line and it would seem that it was thrown together in about twelve minutes. Which is impressive as the film is more than two hours long. All that happens is that the main characters just stand around complaining about the weather and alluding to the loss of their reputation points.

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

The film industry is always eager to jump on the possibility of making a quid or two from other people's suffering and dispossession. And here on The Barrow Downs it is no different. In anticipation of the official first anniversary of The Downer Newspaper, here is a film that you will be seeing in your local sleezy cinema some time soon...



The Film itself is completely useless. There is virtually no story line and it would seem that it was thrown together in about twelve minutes. Which is impressive as the film is more than two hours long. All that happens is that the main characters just stand around complaining about the weather and alluding to the loss of their reputation points.

Despite a poor showing in the cinemas, I rather think it will be optioned by the televison industry, Hookbill. I can imagine a Barrow Downs Reputation Lost series, filmed on some idyll island off the east coast of Scotland, in which members try to interpret the esoteric meaning of their reputation number, discover hidden hatches in the barrow, face strange bears who they think are wolves--madly refuting any references to Pullman's bears--and constantly put down other Barrow Downers, who are known as "The Others." They all think they landed on the island when the Great Eagle who was carrying them crashed but they have no idea how it happened. The plot evolves with their backstories, showing how, very strangely, they are all related to each other through some nefarious writer's engimatic efforts.



PS. I invite all and sundry to a roast of the Downer on The Slapsauce Fellows thread. *smootchies*