The Barrow Downs Newspaper

[Morthoron]

A Letter To The Editor

To whom it may concern:

I must strenuously protest the lack of a new issue of your tabloid. It has been over a week now, and I find the veritable interregnum of an interruption disconcerting. It's not that I actually read your newspaper, which would be a complete and utter waste of my time; however, at issue is the need for regularity in the Downs. Imagine, if you will, a battalion of backed-up Barrow Wights bursting with bulging bowels, a confluence of constipated cadavers contcatentating in a lumbering, lengthy line in the locale of the lone loo in the empty environs of Eriador! The methane leak alone may well suffocate the entire Downs!

So, do your part to end this insufferable irregularity by publishing your platitudinous periodical, and I shall do my part and continue to ignore its existence; except, of course, in instances such as this when The Downer's absence causes obstructive enormities.

Thank you in advance for the speedy discharge of your duty,
Ms. Emma Na Manumit
Disemboguing, Thorpechestershireborroughton