Ring Poem Parodies - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

The Squatter of Amon Rûdh · 09-07-2011, 01:27 PM

War film R.A.F. briefing version

Now, pay attention, chaps. It looks as though there are three rings for the Elf-wallahs, who'll probably be at ground level (under the sky, you see); seven, dwarves for the use of; now they'll apparently be in halls of stone, so look out for a bunker of some sort... No, Gwaihir, I don't think we'll need a sand wedge. Anyway, there are nine for mortal chaps, who go for a burton in the end, but only one for the enemy, on his dark throne, in Mordor. The shadows lie there, so expect the target to be obscured.

Just to recap, then: One ring rules, finds, brings and binds in the land of Mordor, which is as black as your hat. Any questions? Good luck.

Devon dialect version

Dree rings ver they Elven kings unner the sky
Zeb'n ver them Dwarf-chaps in their 'alls o' stone
Nine ver uz mortal volks, wot's doomed t'die
One ver that Dark Lord on 'is dark throne
Down Mordor way, where the shadows lie
One Ring t'rule 'em all
One Ring t'find 'em
One ring t'bring 'em all an' in the darkness bind 'em
Down Mordor way, where the shadows lie.

Galadriel55 · 10-01-2011, 03:17 PM

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky... poor things, they don't even have a roof over their heads! Too bad for them. Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone... seven? Why would they need seven rings? Nine for the mortal Men doomed to die... "doomed to die, doomed to die", what's with those dee's? One for the Dark Lord on his Dark throne... only one? Pffft! All this nonesense! I never saw any sense in poetry, and I don't see why these elves and dwarves do. It's a sign of good education? Oh fiddle-dee-dee! My account books show that I'm educated enough, and they make perfect sense, unlike this rubbish!

*slams the book shut*

ETA: alternative version: writing it

The Elf married three times. The Dwarf - seven. The Man married nine times. The Lord - only once. He was the happiest.

Hookbill the Goomba · 10-01-2011, 04:17 PM

The Northern English version...

Eh up!

Right, there's three rings fer that poncy lot.
Seven fer short lot, down pit.
Nine fer us lot, the workin' blokes.
One fer that B****d, on his loo,
in that London where it's all dark.

This One Ring's the bleedin' boss o' the others.
It sticks 'em all together, an' all!
An' ye' know what? It brings 'em all together, too!
An' it binds 'em all up,

Aye, an' it all happens in that London,
Where it's all dark.

Morthoron · 10-01-2011, 09:08 PM

Ozark (U.S.) dialect version:

Y'all gots three rangs fer Elvis kangs unner th' skah
Seben fer 'em Dorf-lords inner howls o' stone
Nahn' fer mordal mien doomt t' dah
Wuhn for 'at there Dork Lord on 'is dork throne
Inner Land o' Mortar whar th' Shadahs lah
Wuhn Rang to roole 'em all, Wuhn Rang to fahnd 'em
Wuhn Rang to brang 'em owl an' inner dorkness bahnd 'em
Inner Land o' Mortar whar 'em Shadahs lah, I reck'n

10-08-2011, 12:49 AM

Hey there,this is Excitingsong, glad to join this forum and glad to meet you here ,I look forward to getting some inspiration and getting to know all of you.

09-07-2011, 01:27 PM	#1
The Squatter of Amon Rûdh Spectre of Decay Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Bar-en-Danwedh Posts: 2,178	Variant traditions War film R.A.F. briefing version Now, pay attention, chaps. It looks as though there are three rings for the Elf-wallahs, who'll probably be at ground level (under the sky, you see); seven, dwarves for the use of; now they'll apparently be in halls of stone, so look out for a bunker of some sort... No, Gwaihir, I don't think we'll need a sand wedge. Anyway, there are nine for mortal chaps, who go for a burton in the end, but only one for the enemy, on his dark throne, in Mordor. The shadows lie there, so expect the target to be obscured. Just to recap, then: One ring rules, finds, brings and binds in the land of Mordor, which is as black as your hat. Any questions? Good luck. Devon dialect version Dree rings ver they Elven kings unner the sky Zeb'n ver them Dwarf-chaps in their 'alls o' stone Nine ver uz mortal volks, wot's doomed t'die One ver that Dark Lord on 'is dark throne Down Mordor way, where the shadows lie One Ring t'rule 'em all One Ring t'find 'em One ring t'bring 'em all an' in the darkness bind 'em Down Mordor way, where the shadows lie. __________________ Man kenuva métim' andúne?

10-01-2011, 03:17 PM	#2
Galadriel55 Blossom of Dwimordene Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: The realm of forgotten words Posts: 10,515	Scarlett O'Hara from GONE WITH THE WIND (reading it) Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky... poor things, they don't even have a roof over their heads! Too bad for them. Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone... seven? Why would they need seven rings? Nine for the mortal Men doomed to die... "doomed to die, doomed to die", what's with those dee's? One for the Dark Lord on his Dark throne... only one? Pffft! All this nonesense! I never saw any sense in poetry, and I don't see why these elves and dwarves do. It's a sign of good education? Oh fiddle-dee-dee! My account books show that I'm educated enough, and they make perfect sense, unlike this rubbish! slams the book shut ETA: alternative version: writing it The Elf married three times. The Dwarf - seven. The Man married nine times. The Lord - only once. He was the happiest. __________________ You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 10-01-2011 at 04:16 PM.

10-01-2011, 04:17 PM	#3
Hookbill the Goomba Alive without breath Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla Posts: 5,912	The Northern English version... Eh up! Right, there's three rings fer that poncy lot. Seven fer short lot, down pit. Nine fer us lot, the workin' blokes. One fer that B****d, on his loo, in that London where it's all dark. This One Ring's the bleedin' boss o' the others. It sticks 'em all together, an' all! An' ye' know what? It brings 'em all together, too! An' it binds 'em all up, Aye, an' it all happens in that London, Where it's all dark. __________________ I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once. THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

10-01-2011, 09:08 PM	#4
Morthoron Curmudgeonly Wordwraith Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits Posts: 2,515	Ozark (U.S.) dialect version: Y'all gots three rangs fer Elvis kangs unner th' skah Seben fer 'em Dorf-lords inner howls o' stone Nahn' fer mordal mien doomt t' dah Wuhn for 'at there Dork Lord on 'is dork throne Inner Land o' Mortar whar th' Shadahs lah Wuhn Rang to roole 'em all, Wuhn Rang to fahnd 'em Wuhn Rang to brang 'em owl an' inner dorkness bahnd 'em Inner Land o' Mortar whar 'em Shadahs lah, I reck'n __________________ And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. Last edited by Morthoron; 10-01-2011 at 09:17 PM.

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10-08-2011, 12:49 AM	#5
Excitingsong Guest Posts: n/a	Hey there,this is Excitingsong, glad to join this forum and glad to meet you here ,I look forward to getting some inspiration and getting to know all of you.