Silly Songs with Merry (and Pippin)

[Nimrothiel]

I like this one:

"Sauron"
To :"Gaston" from "Beauty and the Beast"

I'm glad to be in the horde of Sauron,
even though I'm just an Orc.
I know I'll never get bored with Sauron:
He says that we taste like pork.
There's no one around that's reviled like him
he's everyone's favourite guy.
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by him
and his gigantic fiery eye!
No one's bad like Sauron
really mad like Sauron
wants to get back the ring that he had like Sauron!
He's so evil and fearsome and angry.
Our one and only Dark Lord.
He never finds anything scary
Except for a guy with an old broken sword!
No one's mean like Sauron
makes you scream like Sauron
no-ones never exactly on screen like Sauron!
But we all can assume he's intimidating,
My what a guy, Sauron!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Unless you feel like
thirty lashes with whips!
No one faces Sauron
has ringwraiths like Sauron
no-one flings guys around with a mace like Sauron!
He's unseated a king and a wizard,
talks to them through crystal balls.
he keeps them defeated, embittered,
Then charges them double for long-distance calls!
No one's dark like Sauron
double-parks like Sauron
no-one scares baby ducks for a lark like Sauron!
but he needs some help with his accessorising,
One Ring for Sauron!
In the second age people came up to his legs
he was intimidatingly large.
But in the third age he has no arms and legs.
He relies on his whole entourage!
No-one plans like Sauron
makes demands like Sauron
No-one's conquering all of the lands like Sauron!
Now he's sending us all on our dark uprising
Say it again
Who rules the world of men?
Sauron!

(Mt. Room; snerk.)