Funny lyrics that LOTR characters would never sing

Ok, since the Veggietales seemed to go over well, I'm going to toss out something I wrote a while ago. Here goes..

Narrator: "Our curtain opens as Saruman, angered by the attacking Ents, is searching for his (imported) pipeweed. Having no success, Saruman cries out..."

Saruman: "Oh, where is my pipeweed? Oh where is my pipeweed? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where...is my pipeweed?"

Narrator: "Having heard his cry, 'Master Wormtongue' enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of his master in such a distraught state, Wormtongue regains his composure and reports..."

Wormtongue: "I think I saw some pipeweed back there!"

Saruman: "Back there is my pipeweed. Back there is my pipeweed. Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back there, back there, back there...is my pipeweed!"

Narrator: Having heard his joyous(for an evil wizard, anyway) proclamation, a random orc enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of his evil master in such a 'happy' state, the random orc regains his composure and comments..."

Random Orc: "Why do you need pipeweed? You don't have a pipe!"

Narrator: "Saruman is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. No pipe? What would this mean? What will become of him? What will become of his pipeweed? Saruman wonders..."

Saruman: "No pipe for my pipeweed? No pipe for my pipeweed? No pipe, no pipe, no where, no pipe, no pipe, no pipe, no where back there, no pipe...for my pipeweed."

Narrator: "Having heard his wonderings, a human guard enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of his master in such a confused state, the guard regains his composure and confesses..."

Human Guard: "Saruman, all that pipeweed of yours...Well, you couldn't use it, you didn't have a pipe. So, well, I'm sorry...I didn't know. But I gave it to those people outside - cuz they needed it!"

Narrator: "Feeling a deep sense of loss, Saruman stumbles back and laments..."

Saruman: "Not fair! Oh, my pipeweed. Not fair, my poor pipeweed. Not fair, not fair, no pipe, not fair, no where, no pipe, not fair, not fair, not fair! My precious pipeweed!"

Narrator: "Outside the window, there is a commotion. Having heard his lament and recognized his generosity, 'those people outside' are thankful..."

Merry, Pippin, Aragorn and Gimli: "Thanks for the pipeweed!"

Legolas: "You should be glad to be rid of it! Smoking is bad for you!"

Narrator: "Yes, good has been done here. Saruman has been saved from a potentially life-threatening addiction. He smiles, but, still feeling an emotional attachment for the pipeweed, calls out..."

Saruman: "Take care of my pipeweed. Take care, oh my pipeweed. Take care, take care, don't dare not care. Take care. Nice pipe. No fair. Take care, take care...of my pipeweed!"

Narrator: "The end!"