Middle Earth Answering Machine Messages

[Lady Alasse]

ok here goes! this may be really pathetic...

Theoden's answering machine: (Voice of Wormtongue) You have reached Theoden King. If you are Gandalf Stormcrow then hang up you picker of bones I wont return... I mean Theoden King is far to busy to listen to the bringer of ill-news. If you are anyone else don't call again and trouble the kings mind with your worthless prattling.

Ok I know it isn't to great but I'm working on it. Now heres his message after helms deep

Theoden: Greetings, You have reached Theoden, King of the mark. I can't come to the phone right now. If you are a Rider of Theoden. Arise, Arise, Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter! spear shall be shaken, sheild shall be splintered, a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor! Your late!!! If this is that snake Wormtongue I don't want to here about how Saruman is treating you hang up. if this is Eowyn, no you may not go with us to Gondor. If this is Aragorn. I know how to run my kingdom very well thank you sir. I do not need any advice from a young upstart ranger and you stay away from Eowyn.