Funniest Lines

[dunadan_aragorn]

EOMER: Hi! Okay, stop me if you've heard this one. An elf, a man, and a dwarf walk into the Riddermark... <P>LEGOLAS: Ooh! And the elf shoots arrows through this git who rides up on a horse. Yeah, I HAVE heard it! That's one of my favorites.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~<BR>GANDALF: Hey, kids. Miss me? <P>ARAGORN: Gandalf! You're alive! <P>LEGOLAS: I almost had a facial expression from the joy of it!<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR >GIMLI: Ooh, Aragorn, watch out! Cliff! <P>ARAGORN falls off cliff. <P>LEGOLAS: No! This is unbearable! I almost had ANOTHER facial expression!<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~<BR>ARAGORN arrives and collides with LEGOLAS. <P>LEGOLAS: Oh, good HEAVENS. You look TERRIBLE. You are NOT wearing THAT to the battle tonight, are you? And your HAIR! What will we DO with you? <P>ARAGORN: Nice to see you, too. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>GAL ADRIEL: Hello? Is this Elrond? <BR>ELROND: Yes, speaking. <BR>GALADRIEL: Hi Elrond; it's Galadriel. <BR>ELROND: Hey, girl. Where are you? <BR>GALADRIEL: In Lothlorien; where else would I be? Listen, I really wanted to talk to you about Frodo. <BR>ELROND: Yeah, I've been wondering about him lately. <BR>GALADRIEL: He and Aragorn have SO much stuff to do. <BR>ELROND: I know! And Aragorn's being such a wiener, I'm not even sure I want him to marry my daughter... <BR>GALADRIEL: Did you see his hair the other week? Hello, greaseball. <BR>ELROND: And does he, like, only have that one shirt? Humans are so gross.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~<BR>SAM seasons their rabbit stew as GOLLUM watches. <BR>GOLLUM: Ssstupid fat hobbit! Using sage in stew like thisss! <P>SAM: What's your problem? Sage brings out the flavor. <P>GOLLUM: Smeagol would use nice mix of rosemary and lavender, yess, precious. <P>FRODO: Hey, you guys? Something's out there in the forest. <P>SAM: Rosemary? Hm, maybe. But you know what WOULD be good with this, is a basic bechamel sauce with some dill. <P>GOLLUM: Sssimple hobbit; anyone makesss bechamel. Vichyssoise much tastier and more difficult; yes... <P>FRODO: Hello? Guys? Seriously, someone's coming. <P>SAM: Now, if you only found us some eggs, I could make crepes, wrap up the meat, drizzle the juices over it with a little bit of blackcurrant chutney... <P>FRODO: Hey, you guys, look! It's Martha Stewart! <P>GOLLUM: Where? <P>SAM: Where? <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<P >ROHIRRIM GUARD: Sire, there are some really femmy people at the gate. They have bows. <BR>ARAGORN: Those are Elves. Let them in. <P>ROHIRRIM GUARD: Oh! Elves! Wow, I didn't expect that. <P>PEOPLE WHO READ THE BOOK: Neither did I... <P>GIMLI: Arr! I'm funny because I'm short. <P>LEGOLAS: I'm funny because I make fun of how short you are!<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <BR>GOLLUM: (mumble, mumble)...Kill...(mumble)...death to hobbits...(mumble mumble)...feed them to HER...(mumble, mumble)...pain, suffering...(mumble)...make them cry...(mumble)...kill hobbitses...(mumble) ...she will destroy hobbitses... <P>PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK: (loudly) "SHE"? Did he say "she", and "her"? Who's "SHE"? <P>PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: SHUT UP!<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~<BR>Ok these are parodies, sorry!<BR>I also like my signature, but that's another parody. *sigh* oh well......<BR> <P>[ March 07, 2003: Message edited by: dunadan_aragorn ]<P> Galadriel: Weeeeeellcccooommmeee tooooo Looooorriiiiieeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnn <BR> Celeborn: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ..........<p>[ March 08, 2003: Message edited by: dunadan_aragorn ]