* * Revised Fall of Gondolin pt.5 -- >end [the remaining sections] * * - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Maédhros · 03-28-2004, 10:06 PM

This post is just to illustrate some typos that are in our current draft of the Fall of Gondolin:
Page 2:

"in the great hill of slain that the have raised" should be
"in the great hill of slain that the Orcs have raised"

"Haudhen-Ndengin" should be "Haudh-en-Ndengin"

"such as still remained. Elves or Men" The period should be replaced with a comma.

"and be drove away" should be "and he drove away"

Page 3:

"and at the least be was not starved" should be "and at the least he was not starved"

"Then he took up harp" should be "Then he took up the harp"

Page 4:

"withersoever yon turn" should be "whithersoever you turn"

Page 6:

"as be drew near" should be "as he drew near"

Page 7:

"between and thy goal" should be "between thee and thy goal"

"What is then my goal. Lord?" The period should be replaced with a comma.

"which long ago decreed" should be "Which long ago I decreed"

Page 10:

"and join with thy forays" should be "and join with the forays"

"But I tamed on the way" should be "But I tarried on the way"

Page 11:

"on to strike us the more cruelly" should be "only to strike us the more cruelly"

Page 12:

"aimed, clad in black" should be "armed, clad in black"

"with a long sword drawn and they wondered" should be "with a long sword drawn; and they wondered" (insert semicolon)

"and Voronwë tamed somewhat north" should be "and Voronwë turned somewhat north"

"How far is no to go?" should be "How far is it now to go?"

"like cowed dog" should be "like a cowed dog"

Page 13:

"'Death is all about us,' and Tuor" should be "'Death is all about us,' said Tuor"

Page 14:

"wit out more doubt" should be "without more doubt"

Page 16:

"many slow minute passed" should be "many slow minutes passed"

"marvelled to see to beauty" should be "marvelled to see its beauty"

Page 17:

"to a stranger it may seen" should be "to a stranger it may seem"

We should also correct the junger for younger in page 27 and geart to great in page 34.

Thanks Artanis.

**lindil** · 07-31-2004, 04:13 AM

I must say, I think Aiwendil;s revision oand present tensing of the Horns of Ulmo is excellent and should stay if at all possible.

The only thing I would change is:
{Inland musics subtly magic} [But my heart recalleth sea musics] that {those} [the] {reeds} [waves] alone {could} [can] weave −}

-->
{Inland musics subtly magic} [Sea musics subtle magic ] that ....

It preserves some rather weak poetry but does takes the worst edge off it.

Of course I am dipping into this with only having read the last 10 or so posts.

So feel free to disregard this thread is I have missed something blatantly obvious to everyone else...

A+ for continuing effort my friends!

03-28-2004, 10:06 PM	#1
Maédhros The Kinslayer Join Date: May 2002 Location: Formenos Posts: 658	Typos This post is just to illustrate some typos that are in our current draft of the Fall of Gondolin: Page 2: "in the great hill of slain that the have raised" should be "in the great hill of slain that the Orcs have raised" "Haudhen-Ndengin" should be "Haudh-en-Ndengin" "such as still remained. Elves or Men" The period should be replaced with a comma. "and be drove away" should be "and he drove away" Page 3: "and at the least be was not starved" should be "and at the least he was not starved" "Then he took up harp" should be "Then he took up the harp" Page 4: "withersoever yon turn" should be "whithersoever you turn" Page 6: "as be drew near" should be "as he drew near" Page 7: "between and thy goal" should be "between thee and thy goal" "What is then my goal. Lord?" The period should be replaced with a comma. "which long ago decreed" should be "Which long ago I decreed" Page 10: "and join with thy forays" should be "and join with the forays" "But I tamed on the way" should be "But I tarried on the way" Page 11: "on to strike us the more cruelly" should be "only to strike us the more cruelly" Page 12: "aimed, clad in black" should be "armed, clad in black" "with a long sword drawn and they wondered" should be "with a long sword drawn; and they wondered" (insert semicolon) "and Voronwë tamed somewhat north" should be "and Voronwë turned somewhat north" "How far is no to go?" should be "How far is it now to go?" "like cowed dog" should be "like a cowed dog" Page 13: "'Death is all about us,' and Tuor" should be "'Death is all about us,' said Tuor" Page 14: "wit out more doubt" should be "without more doubt" Page 16: "many slow minute passed" should be "many slow minutes passed" "marvelled to see to beauty" should be "marvelled to see its beauty" Page 17: "to a stranger it may seen" should be "to a stranger it may seem" We should also correct the junger for younger in page 27 and geart to great in page 34. Thanks Artanis. __________________ "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."

07-31-2004, 04:13 AM	#2
lindil Seeker of the Straight Path Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: a hidden fastness in Big Valley nor cal Posts: 1,680	my 2 cents on the horns of Ulmo I must say, I think Aiwendil;s revision oand present tensing of the Horns of Ulmo is excellent and should stay if at all possible. The only thing I would change is: {Inland musics subtly magic} [But my heart recalleth sea musics] that {those} [the] {reeds} [waves] alone {could} [can] weave −} --> {Inland musics subtly magic} [Sea musics subtle magic ] that .... It preserves some rather weak poetry but does takes the worst edge off it. Of course I am dipping into this with only having read the last 10 or so posts. So feel free to disregard this thread is I have missed something blatantly obvious to everyone else... A+ for continuing effort my friends! __________________ The dwindling Men of the West would often sit up late into the night exchanging lore & wisdom such as they still possessed that they should not fall back into the mean estate of those who never knew or indeed rebelled against the Light.