Everything I need to know I learned from LOTR

[Morai]

4. When chopping wood, make sure the trees don't have any friends. They will attack you...

I find that one very true. Why do you think there are so many treehuggers in Oregon? The trees have minds of their own. Anyways, here's some of my lessons learned:

1) If you have blonde hair, color changing eyes, good archery skills, can speak pretty elvish phrases, are graceful, and wear tight pants, you will always have a mob of teenyboppers chasing you.

2) Most short people with curly hair are hobbits that got drunk on ent-draught. Then they were so drunk that they managed to wax the hair of eachothers feet.

3) Never let your cousin drink in a bar if you want your identity to remain a secret.

4) Some jewelry just isn't worth the risk.

5) Always carry lembas when on a LONG hike.