Defective Weapons Inc.

[The Perky Ent]

These are looking really good.

Sam: Destory it Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: NO! (BUM BuM BUMMM)
Gollum: I'm telekenetic *bites off finger* Yay! I've got the ring! Now I think I'll hop around and see what I can fall in! *gollum falls and melts*
*ring still floats*
Sam: Um...why didn't it destory?
Frodo:What kinda ring is this?
Sauron: The one ring...TO RULE THEM ALL!!
Sam: I have a plan Mr. Frodo. We'll tie your dead finger to a rope, use it as a lure to go lava fishing. Then, when something eats it, we'll cut it open, and get the ring. Any questions? *looks around for Frodo* Frodo? Oh Frooooodo?
*Frodo is in the lava, melting while getting the ring*
Sam: Oh well, no Undying Lands for you. *Frodo melts* Sam leaves* *Ring just sits there*

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

Eek sorry for repeating earlier I kind of missed the previous one... to make up for it-

(at helm's deep)
Legolas: I'm coming Aragorn! *grabs shield and slides it towards stairs* *jumps onto shield* *shield stops under his weight and Legolas is sent flying down the steps*

'kay, not much dialogue but i find the mental image amusing...

[The Only Real Estel]

__________________________
Frodo vs. Shelob
--------------------

As Frodo turns around, Shelob slams her stinger into his stomach.

Nothing happens. She tries again, with the same result.

Shelob: "Oh...this is anti-climactical"

Shelob hurries back to her lair to wonder just what in the world went wrong
__________________________

[The Perky Ent]

This thread is really looking good. I'm glad I made it

Faramir's old Captain partner: *dying on the ground in Osgiliath
Pink Orc: Gimme that spear. I wanna kill this guy
*tries to shove spear in Captain's stomach*
*nothing happens*
Pink Orc: D'oh! Common! Please work! *tries again*
*nothing happens*
Pink Orc: I need to get this spear sharpened *pink orc leaves*
*5 hours later*
Pink Orc: Finally!
Random Orc: Um...he's already dead. He died of blood loss. Sorry
Pink Orc: *whimper*

[Hama Of The Riddermark]

Frodo: Aiya Earendil Elenion Ancalima!

*nothing*

Frodo: Aiya Earendil Elenion Ancalima!

*nothing*

Frodo (with an air of panic in his voice): Aiya Earendil Elenion Ancalima!

Sam (running in at the last moment): Frodo no! That's a lightbulb!

[Kransha]

I'm assuming Lurtz is the orc in the movie, yes? Well, nevermind. Time for the special Kranshanian Brand of Sil[maril]ly stuff, strait from the pages. Feel the stingy wroth of the Pre-Third Age Defective Weapons, twice as defective as before!

Of Epic Battles and Equally Epic Pitfalls

*Morgoth battles Fingolfin outside Angband*
Morgoth: Die, pitiful elf!
*bashes with Grond, Hammer of the Underworld, nothing happens*
Morgoth: Bloody orc manufacturing!
Fingolfin: Eh, my grandma made better maces!
Morgoth: Did even have a grandmother?
Fingolfin: Ummm...I'm not...sure...actually...

Of Elven Craftmanship and Gundabad

Great Goblin: I know that blade! It is Glamdring, the foe-hammer!
Gandalf: Indeed, foul Goblin! Now, feel the hammering!
*nothing happens*
Great Goblin: I've said it before, I'll say it again. Elves can't make swords.
Thorin: Here, Gandy, lemme try! *stabs Great Goblin; nothing*
Great Goblin: Go back to Lindon, ya sissy!

Of Watts and Checkout Counters

*the Valar are lighting the great lamps*
Manwe: LET THERE BE LIGHT!
*the Lamps of the Valar flicker, then go out*
Manwe: Aule! Why have the lamps gone out
Aule: Sale on used lightbulbs at Mandos-mart.
*in the distance, jingle can be heard*
Mandos: Shop smart! Shop at Mandos-mart!

Of Problematic Blades and a Dark Maiar

Beren: Meet thy doom, Morgoth the Dark!
*swipes Angrist at Morgoth's crown to no avail*
Morgoth: This is becoming very boring.
Beren: Shut up, I'm doing the best I can! *slashes continually*
Morgoth: Sure, sure, whatever *yawns*
Beren: Okay, I've almost got it! And...and...and...*still nothing*
Morgoth: Oh, give it up, already. *steps on Beren*

Of Wolves' Teeth and Handy-dandy Elven Stuffp

Carcharoth: *battling Beren* Aha! This might come in 'hand'y!
*stunned by the horrible pun, Beren can only stand and watch as Carcharoth leaps up and attempts to bite off his hand, but the wolf's teeth break*
Carcharoth: NOOO! Blast Melkorian primeval dentistry!
Beren: *stifling laughter* can I give you...a 'hand'?

[The Perky Ent]

True, but they can be the same topic if they have a different flair. The first two were exactly the same: frodo says light, no light, frodo says light, no light, shelob is happy. However, the third one goes: frodo says light, no light, frodo says light, no light, sam comes, it's a lightbulb There's a difference

[elronds_daughter]

yes, Kransha, Lurtz is the head of the Uruk-Hai. in the movies at least. so to have a legitimate reason for posting....

as saruman is calling down an avalanche...
*avalanche stops*
Saruman: huh? what happened??
*tries again*
*still nothing*
Saruman: *whimpers and jumps off orthanc because his magic won't work*