Everything I need to know I learned from LOTR - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Maeggaladiel · 06-09-2004, 12:06 PM

Always make sure to look where a river runs before you dump a body into it. The last thing you need is for the corpse to end up on his father's doorstep before you get there. There'll be questions. None of which you'd care to answer.

Napkins are outlawed in Gondor.

Who knew an old man's walking stick could be so dangerous? And painful?

Balrogs may be made of fire, but don't worry. You can land on its back and stab it repeatedly without being burned to a crisp.

When you don't know what to say, start singing.

Uruk-hai are members of the potato family. They grow underground and are brown and lumpy.

Denethor + cherry tomatoes= disaster. Not a good mix.

Morai · 06-09-2004, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Uruk-hai are members of the potato family. They grow underground and are brown and lumpy.

So that's why people hate carbs so much!

When a steward has bad table manners, it may be a sign of pyromania. (Especially after he ignores the stream of tomato juice down his chin Ick.)

Agent Evenstar · 06-09-2004, 08:14 PM

If you are a certain elf coughlegolascough you can fight a very long and tedious battle and come out of it looking fresh as a daisy.

Also that rock throwing hobbits are especially lethal.

And don't trust Gollum, but that one is a bit of a no brainer.

And all you have to do to get an Ent to go to war is tick it off real good and hold on for the ride.

AND TO NOT LOOK IN SUSPICIOUS LOOKING BLACK SWIRLY ORBS, PIPPIN!

Not to give up your immortality until you are absolutely positive you are going to see the human you love again.

Don't eat a whole ton of lembas, as it gives you a tummy ache.

You can jump down on a group of orcs with spears pointed upwards and not impale yourself on one of the ends (Gimli in TTT being the example here).

You can slide down the trunk of an Oliphant as it is buckling beneath you and land successfully on the ground, after which you arch your eyebrow in a " Yes, I know" kind of way and continue shooting... things (coughlegolascough).

You can perform acrobats up the side of an Oliphant, using the arrows stuck in it's side as bars, without being killed.

Gandalf has some kung fu skills with that staff of his...

Men who eat in an especially disgusting manner die horrible deaths ( read into this one, boys).

Hmm, that's about it... Yup!

Hama Of The Riddermark · 06-10-2004, 01:06 PM

You can actually repel a Nazgul by pointing a stick at it and shouting "Expecto Patronum!"

Never give trees steroids, they might just end up destroying your fortress...

Never give dogs steroids unless you're Saruman, and you have loads of willing stupid orcs to ride them....

A pink cancerous face does not a scary orc make (Gothmog)...

A worryingly deep yet squeaky voice does not a scary orc make (Gothmog)....

When in doubt, just stab it and hope it dies...

When a wizard tells you to keep quiet, just do it...

When in doubt, get a hobbit and a girl to kill it...

Don't charge oliphaunts if you're about an eightieth of their size...

Blue contact lenses never EVER get dirty...

Morai · 06-10-2004, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Blue contact lenses never EVER get dirty...

Speaking of contacts....
*Sauron's eye contact (yes that is singular) NEVER falls out, unless a ring falls into a volcano called Mt. Doom.

*Eyes can in fact explode, but it takes them forever to do so.

elronds_daughter · 06-10-2004, 06:51 PM

1. Never trust an elf! (according to Gimli at least... and we all believe what he says)

2. When elves aren't around (and won't be told) dwarves lose their pride.

3. Giving your jewelery to your boyfriend is an especially good idea... it leads possible rivals to ask about you.

4. If you're having a dream about kissing your girlfriend--don't wake up. In reality, it just might be your horse.

5. Even if everyone else is standing, Gimli still reserves the right to sit in the [empty] steward's chair. While smoking.

that's all for now.

Cheers!

Elrond's (other) daughter

Carnimírië · 06-13-2004, 03:15 PM

1. Spiders are truly nasty creatures. Squish them.

2. Poetry is appropriate for all occaisions.

3. Monarchy does work.

4. Some trees like fire, some trees hate it. It really depends on the tree.

5. Prophesy does come true. Maybe not in the way you expected, but it does come true.

6. If you call to your rope, it will come to you.

7. When you step out onto the Road, be careful. It may sweep you off to places you never imagined.

06-09-2004, 12:06 PM	#1
Maeggaladiel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The end of the world as we know it. I feel fine, incidentally. Posts: 500	Always make sure to look where a river runs before you dump a body into it. The last thing you need is for the corpse to end up on his father's doorstep before you get there. There'll be questions. None of which you'd care to answer. Napkins are outlawed in Gondor. Who knew an old man's walking stick could be so dangerous? And painful? Balrogs may be made of fire, but don't worry. You can land on its back and stab it repeatedly without being burned to a crisp. When you don't know what to say, start singing. Uruk-hai are members of the potato family. They grow underground and are brown and lumpy. Denethor + cherry tomatoes= disaster. Not a good mix. __________________ "Wide ne bith wel," cwaeth se the geheirde on helle hriman.

06-09-2004, 08:14 PM	#3
Agent Evenstar Pile O'Bones Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: The Matrix! No, wait, Middle Earth. No, hold on... Middle Earth inside the Matrix!!! Posts: 12	If you are a certain elf coughlegolascough you can fight a very long and tedious battle and come out of it looking fresh as a daisy. Also that rock throwing hobbits are especially lethal. And don't trust Gollum, but that one is a bit of a no brainer. And all you have to do to get an Ent to go to war is tick it off real good and hold on for the ride. AND TO NOT LOOK IN SUSPICIOUS LOOKING BLACK SWIRLY ORBS, PIPPIN! Not to give up your immortality until you are absolutely positive you are going to see the human you love again. Don't eat a whole ton of lembas, as it gives you a tummy ache. You can jump down on a group of orcs with spears pointed upwards and not impale yourself on one of the ends (Gimli in TTT being the example here). You can slide down the trunk of an Oliphant as it is buckling beneath you and land successfully on the ground, after which you arch your eyebrow in a " Yes, I know" kind of way and continue shooting... things (coughlegolascough). You can perform acrobats up the side of an Oliphant, using the arrows stuck in it's side as bars, without being killed. Gandalf has some kung fu skills with that staff of his... Men who eat in an especially disgusting manner die horrible deaths ( read into this one, boys). Hmm, that's about it... Yup! __________________ ~ Maker of Nearsighted Sunglasses~ and a proud memeber of the Nearsighted Elves Society! I have a bucket of pink dye AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!!!! snicker

06-10-2004, 06:51 PM	#6
elronds_daughter Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: May 2004 Location: Between the fortune cookie and the post-its. Posts: 644	1. Never trust an elf! (according to Gimli at least... and we all believe what he says) 2. When elves aren't around (and won't be told) dwarves lose their pride. 3. Giving your jewelery to your boyfriend is an especially good idea... it leads possible rivals to ask about you. 4. If you're having a dream about kissing your girlfriend--don't wake up. In reality, it just might be your horse. 5. Even if everyone else is standing, Gimli still reserves the right to sit in the [empty] steward's chair. While smoking. that's all for now. Cheers! Elrond's (other) daughter __________________ I'd like to be the king of all Londinium and wear a shiny hat.

06-13-2004, 03:15 PM	#7
Carnimírië Wight Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Avalon Posts: 211	1. Spiders are truly nasty creatures. Squish them. 2. Poetry is appropriate for all occaisions. 3. Monarchy does work. 4. Some trees like fire, some trees hate it. It really depends on the tree. 5. Prophesy does come true. Maybe not in the way you expected, but it does come true. 6. If you call to your rope, it will come to you. 7. When you step out onto the Road, be careful. It may sweep you off to places you never imagined. __________________ "When you talk, people can't tell if you're spelling the words right." Sister of The Elf Warrior

06-10-2004, 01:06 PM	#4
Hama Of The Riddermark Shade of Carn Dûm Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 282	You can actually repel a Nazgul by pointing a stick at it and shouting "Expecto Patronum!" Never give trees steroids, they might just end up destroying your fortress... Never give dogs steroids unless you're Saruman, and you have loads of willing stupid orcs to ride them.... A pink cancerous face does not a scary orc make (Gothmog)... A worryingly deep yet squeaky voice does not a scary orc make (Gothmog).... When in doubt, just stab it and hope it dies... When a wizard tells you to keep quiet, just do it... When in doubt, get a hobbit and a girl to kill it... Don't charge oliphaunts if you're about an eightieth of their size... Blue contact lenses never EVER get dirty...