Defective Weapons Inc.

[Audreidi]

Jandalf: ...PUT AWAY THE GARLIC, PADAWAN!!! I had no idea that would continue over here...

Auddie: Erk...sorry about that, folks.

At that sound the bent shape of the king sprang suddenly erect. Tall and proud he seemed again; and rising in his his stirrups he cried in a loud voice, more clear than any there had ever heard a mortal man achieve before:

Arise, arise, Riders of Théoden!
Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter!
Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered,
A sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!

With that he seized a great horn from Guthláf his banner-bearer, and he blew such a blast upon it that it burst asunder. And straightaway all the horns in the host were lifted up in music, and the blowing of the horns of Rohan in that hour was like a storm upon the plain and a thunder in the mountains.

Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!

Unfortunately for the company, the Narrator had become tired of such incredibly-won victories that would await their arrival, and let the sound-waves of the horns and voices continue to thunder around the nearby mountain range that had popped up at random.

"AVALANCHE!!" screamed some poor soldier before the rocks came up.

The king turned around... "D'OH!!!!"

[Eowyn Skywalker]

*grins evily* It did, master, oh yesssss... You MUST read the Barrow-downs birthday party RPG... in Elvenhome... just to see how much it REALLY continued here... giggle. AND I AM NOT PUTTING THE GARLIC AWAY!!!!

Gandalf: Dawn take you all, and be stone to you!

*sun comes up*

Troll: Ha ha!!! You see... the moonlight shows us...

Gandalf: Well... that's odd... why didn't it work... Ummm.... erk... RUN!

Troll: So... shall we have stuffed wizard tonight, Bill?

Gandalf: Crap.

Well, it IS from a book...

-Eowyn Skywalker

[The Perky Ent]

Garlic? Are you suggesting something? No, that's a fixed mirror. It's not suppost to show my reflection. just kidding. Sounds funny. I should have posted in that party! Alas. Anyways

Mouth of Sauron: ...I have tokens that I was bidden to show to thee-to thee in especial, if thou shouldst dare to come
*throws down Sam's sword*
Gandalf: Silence!
*throws down grey cloak with elven broach*
Mouth of Sauron: Here's the terms: You get the hobbit
Gandalf: So far so good
Mouth of Sauron: Furthermore, Sauron get's everything east of the Anduin. Henseforth, you will no longer be allowed to kick our butts! Also, Isengard and the Gap of Rohan will be tribute to Sauron. They will be given to a more competent person!
Gandalf: Possibly someone like you?
Mouth of Sauron: Well, I don't mean to brag but-
Gandalf: We will not accept!
*drops mithril vest*
Gandalf: What I meant was, we will not accept refusing your offer. It's a deal.
*As Gandalf and Mouth of Sauron go to shake hands, mithril breaks*
Gandalf: What a minute! This isn't Frodo's mithril vest!
*looks at chains*
Gandalf: Made in Rhûn!?! They only make the cheep stuff! We refuse your offer!

~*~*~*~*~*~

*later that day in Barad-Dûr*
Sauron: So, he didn't accept?
Mouth of Sauron: No master. I think the orcs are right. Maybe we should stop getting stuff from Ebay®
Sauron: Nonsense! Get me my laptop!

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[Audreidi]

"Oathbreakers, why have ye come?"

And a voice was heard out of the night that answered him, as if from far away: "To fulfil our oath and have peace."

Then Aragorn said: "The hour is come at last. Now I go to Pelargir upon Anduin, and ye shall come after me. And when all this land is clean of the servants of Sauron, I will hold the oath fulfilled, and ye shall have peace and depart for ever. For I am Elessar, Isildur's heir of Gondor."

There was a lengthy pause, followed by the distinct sound of someone blowing their tongue, as if from far away, and the voice responded: "You killed my auntie."

Aragorn was taken aback. "Well, I'm sorry about that--"

"You killed the bride's father!"

Another voice rang out. "But isn't he already dead?"

"SILENCE, YOU!!!"

"D'oh."

Padawan...no more garlic...
It's an inside joke, m'dear Ent the Perky.

[The Perky Ent]

I know it's a inside joke! I just like doing things like that

Sam: Destory the ring!
Frodo: Mmm, don't think so! *puts ring on*
Smeagol: Attention shoppers, there's a 5 doller discount on Hobbit Fingers!
Gollum: Mmm, forbidden finger
*bits frodo's finger and takes the ring*
Gollum: La la la la la, *looks at sign* Do not jump over edge? Yeah, like that's gonna happen....
*falls off*
*ring doesn't melt*
Frodo: Why isn't it melting?
Sam: I don't know!
Elrond: Oh, sorry! I didn't have my glasses on when I was at the council. It can only be destroyed at Mt. Foon! It's in chinatown!
Frodo: Where is Chinatown?
Elrond: In China
Frodo: Oh! Right! Off course! How silly of me!
Sam: Where's China Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: I have no idea, but it isn't hear
Elrond: Actually, Sauron became so partial to take-out, he-
*stops talking*
*Frodo and Sam are pigging out*
Gandalf in aggrivated tone: Hobbits!

[Eowyn Skywalker]

Actually, it's not that inside, Perky... there's a fic on fanfiction.net called Paint Wars that will fill you in quite nicely. And no, it has nothing to do with vampires either...

"You have no color now!" declaimed Gandalf, as he cast Saruman from the Order.

"Ah..." But Saruman stood up, and cast off his multi-colored robes. "Mr. Gandalf, when you cast me from the order, you left out one thing..." He stood up, and the morning sun glistened over his red robes. "When the Ents came here to kill me, and MY tower, they almost suceeded. I am Saruman the RED now, and you have no power over me!" He laughed crazily, until an orb of black glass came flying from the top most window of the tower. Saruman fell over, dead.

Gandalf shook his head, and proceeded to crack Saruman's red staff. "Never underestimate the powers of the Palantir," he announced, looking over at Pippin, who was looking into the Stone. "PIPPIN! NO!"

***to be continued in thearers next fall***

-Eowyn Skywalker