The masks of inscrutability, or are you really you?

[The Perky Ent]

I must confess! I lied to you all! It's all been a sham! I'm a dirty, rotten lier! I'm not perky! All the other ents were making fun of me :'( I just couldn't take it. Then, I found this sugar Pippin had left behind (that explains a lot), and all of a sudden, a transformation began! I was morphing into a Perky Ent!



.....(looks to left) (looks to right) hello? Anybody? ........

No, it's nothing like that! Pippin doesn't have sugar. If he did, it would have been gone by the Midgewater Marshes! Anyways, I have a weird connection to the downs. I always act like myself in reality, even while I'm posting. It's like I maintain myself, but my hands take on the identidy of a sugar weilding ent. It's strange. Oh well! Back to the sugar!

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

intellectual is still a bit of an insult in England ........ and there is such a risk of seeming affected of pretentious ....... I spend my life trying to wear my learning lightly...... so in a strange way it is a huge relief to come somewhere where most people are so evidently so much more learned and intelligent than me.....

Don't I know what you mean by that... In an attempt to not come off as pretentious or a know-it-all in the RW, I cater my vocabulary as well as my conversation to those around me. I suppose that's one of my many masks. Forgive me if this sound like I'm bragging, because I don't mean to, but it occurs to me that my brains and interests may make some people nervous. So I "hide" those interests and my general thoughts behind a "So what's for lunch today?" or a "Check out those shoes!" mask. And when I dare to come out from behind that mask? I usually regret it.

For example: for a class I was taking, we were forced to take part in mock interviews (which amused me, because my current job required no interview). The "scenario" was that I was interviewing for a job in an art museum, where I would not only help give tours, but I would give art classes. When asked about chalk pastels, I answered with a wink that I would try my darndest not to use them, because they are so gosh-darned messy and hard to be precise with, but if I did need to, I would show my students how to work from left to right (if they are righties) and to use a piece of paper on top so-as not to smear the chalk all over the rest of the work. Coupled with my knowledge of Da Vinci and my use of words like "posthumously" in general conversation... my teacher recieved a report back saying that other than sounding slightly pretentious, that I'd be great for the job (if, of course, it had been real, and I was older.). I wasn't meaning to sound pretentious, I was just talking to the guy like an intellectual equal.

It occurs to me also, that regardless of what I choose to show people of my personality or intellect, they will still see what they want to see. This past weekend, I was in the midst of a literary discussion (sadly NOT LotR, but rather The Da Vinci Code) with my godmother and my godbrother. It was especially interesting because my godmother had read it from a religious standpoint, I, from a scientific, artistic, and a holy-crap-I-didn't-know-this standpoint, and my godbrother hadn't yet read it, but was familiar with concepts therein. My point is, regardless of the validity of my points and the accuracy of my comments and references, my godmother tended to brush me off, still seeing me as her little god-daughter, as opposed to a bright young woman interested in and familiar with most of the components of the book!

Because of how she has known me (or not known me, I've yet to figure out which) my entire life, my godmother is slow to change perceptions of me. She likes to play the motherly teacher, when what I'd prefer is to pick her brain for unbiased information (hard to do, let me tell you, although she is brilliant). I suppose my point, although slow-coming, is that we are not the only ones who apply masks to ourselves. Other people, for whatever reasons, see us how they want to. Its as if they past a mask of their own creation over our faces, and forget that there is more behind it.

And now, after this essay I've unwittingly written, it is time to get some work done.

Cheers,
Fea

[Elennar Starfire]

hmm...masks...I suppose I do hide my deepest self most of the time...but I've become so used to the masks that I usually don't even notice I'm wearing them. I am truly a dreamer. The link in my siggie is the one thread where I am (mostly) maskless. I've allowed my melancholy side to show. But it's a bit creepy...so I don't know how many people actually want to know what I'm really like when I'm alone.

Usually I am outgoing and loving to laugh, combined (when with certain friends) with a slight tendency to drool over hot guys. (just a little bit fangirlish...)

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I tend to wear a mask when I'm around my family, it just makes things a lot easier. I don't bother with masks when I'm with other people, even at work. I am destined to never get a good job!

[Mithalwen]

Oh I hope my god daughter doesn't feel like that about me ..... but I have the advantage of having been very young (to be a godparent) when she was born and so being between her and her parents in age..... I was so happy that she liked Lord of the Rings (even to the point that I don't grudge too much her having so much of my stuff in her custody ....dvds, CDs books..... and I took her to the LOTR exhibition in London last year)... the relationship I have with her is about the best thing in my life.... and I feel privileged that she lets me in to her life a bit - given that she is a perfectly normal teenager with all that usually entails for communication with people over twenty....... it keeps me young.....

But yes.... it is a strain keeping everything "light, bright and polite" for work etc..... phatic language all day every day..... I mean you might as well admit to spending your evening torturing small furry animals as admitting a fondness for opera..... I once did find a mainstream newsagent that sold "Opera " but it was on the top shelf with the magazines for those with less cerebral predilictions..... mind you some modern stagings can be a bit risque.....

Even in and undergrad lit class, I received a filthy look for saying that Vivaldi wasn't a classical composer but baroque .... ok..maybe that is a bit pedantic.... but....

Maybe I should go back to France... wonder if I can remember how to speak the lingo..... but the consequences for my liver could be dire.... .

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

You must understand, I love my godmother dearly, because not only is she that, but also my mother's eldest sister and the mother of one of my best friends. She is very supportive and is a good, caring person... but it occurs to me that she isn't ready to see her daughter and I growing up. Which I think is why she gives us "masks". What she sees in us that she doesn't like, I believe sometimes that she pretends does not exist. Or, of course, I could just be hitting entirely off the mark and my godmother understands me perfectly and is just trying to make me a better person. Whatever.

Fea

[Mithalwen]

Sorry I didn't want to imply a lack of affection ..... more that I hoped I had a slightly different relationship with my god daughter - less parental more friend... I no longer feel qualified to give religious guidance I suppose I would hope to support her to realise her full potential and become as fulfilled as possible..and to realise she is growing up and treat her accordingly not as a child but as a bright young person - just with less experience of the world .... but I do tell her if I think she is being a brat ... but mainly I want her to get well and be able to lead a normal life.. but because I am not her actual parent or indeed a parent it is easier to adjust maybe.....

I think it is hard for parents to let go - I mean they spend so long paranoically watching every step and trying to let go ..... and they also find it hard to get rid of their long established "labels" - I was the youngest in my family for 16 years and they get so used to you being the one who knows nothing...... It happened that I had to renew my passport when I was in France and I met a newish friend just after collecting it - and he was horrified when he saw from that I was 2 months younger than his youngest sister. He assumed I was older, .... not because I looked older but because having met me as an adult he thought of me as such, whereas she was still in his mind his baby sister .....

[HerenIstarion]

Would you have known the post #100 is posted by yours truly as well as one preceding it, if you haven't had the evidence of certain post in the Top Reputation Givers thread to back you up in your reasoning?

Or to look at my point from another angle - HerenIstarion and Roggie of Morgoth both being online 'masks' of George Lashkhi, are distinct all the same. George Lashkhi is unable to force HerenIstarion to do tricks or pranks, George Lashkhi is forced in his turn to create alternate Roggies in order to do the business. HerenIstarion has certain amount of independence, there are certain patterns H-I follows GL is already unable to break, there is a certain reputation (not the one expressed in number of green squares) H-I has in GL's mind to live up (or down) to. GL would not have been able to make H-I write in "i agree w u 2" manner (even now GL have typed commas around the sentence) unless in the form of a joke, and GL would have taken some pains to make it distinctly clear H-I is joking writing thus.

Yet both Roggie and H-I are aspects of GL's person, aren't they? Else, would they both be born at all as GL's online accounts?

Yet another angle:

Even the sound (and visual impression) online name makes is of consequence. The mere choice of the name may be forming certain mental impression in the mind of the reader. Per instance, name Aiwendil tells me (even if it is not so indeed) that the real person (whatever the gender, age etc behind it) behind the name:

1. Loves animals
2. Views him/herself as a kind of slacker
3. Values him/hersef all the same as person of great potential
4. Is attracted by the 'magic' of 'old things' - else, why not choose more common Radagast instead?

I may be completely off the track of course, and the name was originally chosen for the sound of it. But even the sound may differ in the ear of the listener, and associations that are roused by the name may be quite different for other listeners

(As a paragon, see Over my dead (gorgeous) body by Nilpaurion Felagund. The thread, at large, has it's source in the choice of the screenname made on 04-01-2003 (supposedly), when he joined the Downs. I.e. - have Louis Ortal not had made 'son of Finrod' choice of his online name, would he occupy himself choosing his imagined location with such a precision and attention to detail now, two years thence? Would discussion of tombs and burials arise at all?

The influence goes both ways )

***

All things said, can anyone still be 100% sure GL, apart from time online when he is either H-I or Roggie, does not entertain himself sawing people in his basement? (God forbid and save from, of course, that being theoretical supposition. Still more GL has no basement at his disposal. But suppose he would have had?)

***

And a conclusion: the longer one pretends to be some kind of a person, the stronger is the chance of his/her actual becoming that kind of person. George Lashkhi has now more of HerenIstarion about him than he himself could have imagined on September 2000, when the name was chosen almost accidentally.

Are not we all almost like dungeonmasters driving and being driven by one, mostly beloved, paid heed to, but still a character online?

[Aiwendil]

HerenIstarion wrote:

But physical guises are replaced with guise of words. And words may give rise to preconceptions likewise.

Indeed; hence my point that "the language into which we must translate our thoughts before we share them can often be cumbersome."

Besides, physical 'guises' are as much a guise as the means of communication? Gestures, smiles, wink of an eye can make a better impression, emotional message may be of more importance at certain moments than 'bare' words, transfer of information, or 'meaning'?

All right, we lose winks and facial expressions and all manner of non-verbal communication. Have we really lost that much? Good riddance to them, I say! Sure, in some cases these things are truly communicative. A sarcastic tone of voice certainly carries a piece of "code" without which the intended message could not be correctly deciphered. So again, there is a problem with translating thoughts into mere words; certain physical aids to that process (e.g. tone of voice) are lost when we switch to words alone. But I think words alone are more expressive than they are sometimes given credit for being. Sarcasm can in fact be translated into words, with the proper phrasing and perhaps italicization. The whole medium of literature, in fact, is dependent on the notion that ideas can be accurately translated into words.

Further, I'd say that a lot of non-verbal communication is not really communication at all. A lot of it simply transmits no information, no meaning. If you're interested in acting out stereotyped social behavior patterns then perhaps these things are important; if you're interested in sharing ideas then I say words are at present the best we can do.

Yes, I am a bit of a Vulcan.

But is it the real you or rather an impression, a copy, a shadow of your personality your words left on the mind of the reader?

Can you bet from my words only even whether I do seriosly discuss the issue with you, or secretly do laugh my head off right now, behind mine and yours screens?

Those are questions that could be addressed on several levels, including the deepest metaphysical one. But they're also questions that could just as easily be asked of real world interactions. We can only interact with that which we have access to, in real life or in here. Since I don't have direct access to your consciousness, all I can do is interact with your words. It would be no different in real life - non-verbal communication offers no more access to a person's inner mind than does verbal.

Or to look at my point from another angle - HerenIstarion and Roggie of Morgoth both being online 'masks' of George Lashkhi, are distinct all the same.

But Roggie is intentionally a mask. I don't deny that people can lie, on the internet as in real life. Undoubtedly, there are certain things that are easier to lie about on the internet. But for the most part, those are (as I see it) unimportant things. If you wanted to create several different personas and hide the fact that they were all in fact you, I would say "go ahead, knock yourself out."

But what we are talking about there is outright lying. Certainly, one could adopt a false persona (in real life just as well). But short of this, I really think that the internet does more to unmask us than to mask us. It gives all its users a chance to share ideas and to share in the ideas of other people. When I read your words, I am interacting with your ideas - not with your appearance, or your choice of clothing, or your tone of voice.

Are not we all almost like dungeonmasters driving and being driven by one, mostly beloved, paid heed to, but still a character online?

I continue to think of it quite differently. Perhaps it's different for different people. But Aiwendil is I; I am Aiwendil. We are the same - the only difference being that Aiwendil spends all his time talking about Tolkien, whereas I occasionally do other things. As I see it, it is in the physical world that I am masked and in this abstract world of words and ideas that I am not.

[Formendacil]

The internet takes away the "masks" we wear in everyday life, eh?

But what if the everyday mask is the REAL self, and not the more ambiguous self-projected mask that is seen online?

For myself, the real-life Michael A. Joosten (variously known as Michael, Mike), is a bit of a lazy character, is a reader, is known for his dry humour, and his fondness for getting dressed up (be it in suit and tie or in sword and scabbard). People who know him well would tell you that these are parts of what makes him who he is, that he wouldn't be Michael without them.

But do they evidence themselves in Formendacil? Not fully. How many of the users here can see Formendacil swinging a wooden sword into air-orks (who might well be playing air-guitars), building LEGO castles, and having heated discussions on the validity of priestly celibacy? The last might seem compatible with his online self, but the others?

Who we are is not HIDDEN by the "masks" we wear, rather, we are DEFINED by our masks. Beneath our choices, looks, ideas, and values, we are all the same. These "masks" are what make us unique, what present us to the world as individuals worthy of each others' interest. Without them, the differences between us are nil. If our masks are different online and in "real" life that is perhaps because of a difference in perspective, and because online we are more able to "hide" our masks, to conceal ourselves, should we so desire it.