New Movie Script

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

'Nilpaurion, Nilpaurion!' said Oddwen still laughing. 'Nilpaurion, you missed your path in life. You should have been the BW's jester and earned your reputation, and PT too, by parodying his favorite books. Ah me!' she paused, getting the better of her mirth. 'Understand one another? I fear I am beyond your comprehension.'

Ascended Finrod's son and heir.
With dreadful voice he uttered there:
'Be you friend or foe, or just a guest
Of Barrowdowns, or on a quest
To parody the film three-part
Of Gandalf's journey in a cart,
Neither law nor love nor court order
Forbidding me to come hither
May save you, if you daring call
Me clown, or wit, or jester tall,
From being proven ever false:
See my next post, see how it galls!'
__________________

The Ents were breaking the wall. Treebeard picks up four Orcs, moulds them into a ball, then throws it at Isengard.

Merry: Hit! Has anyone ever said you rock?

Treebeard: Not since the Sillmarillion.

Some half-orcs, quarter-orcs, and 9/16th-orcs appear. Merry kills them with his M-16.

Merry: Oh, yeah! Darling, where have you been all my life?

M-16: In your bag . . . with your pipeweed . . . teeheeheeheehee! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!! *rapid fire*

Merry: Hey chill, dude. Look, you're out of rounds.

M-16: Awww . . .

Some Calico-orcs* and Sheep-orcs** appear.
* Calico-orcs = Orcs + Tortoiseshell Cats.
** Sheep-orcs = Orcs + Sheepdogs.

Treebeard: Uh-oh. We're out of rocks.

Pippin: Me! Throw me!

Treebeard: ???

Treebeard shrugs his shoulders, picks Pippin up and throws him at the Pet-orcs. The Orcs are squashed. Pippin appears back unharmed in Treebeard's branches.

Treebeard: Wow. Uber-cretin, dude.

Pippin: Yep. That's me. Cretin. Whatever that is.

Merry and Treebeard roar with laughter. Pippin looks stumped.

Meanwhile . . .

Drunkroot: I'm stiff. I need a stiff drink. Bring out the beer!

Dogbark: OK, OK. *breaks dam open*

Drunkroot: This ain't beer, duuuuuu . . . *is swept away by the river*

Up in Orthanc . . .

Saruman (in multicoloured PJs): *yaw . . . Agh! Many weird tree people and two weird small people are attacking my impenetrable fortress! Gríma! Bring out the Dy-no-mite!

Gríma: Coming, boss-Maia. *trips, Dy-no-mite falls on a candle* Oops . . .

Orthanc: KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!!!

Ents: Whoa! Massive shockwave!

And thus, Saruman and Wormtongue were not in RotK. Good night.