Defective Weapons Inc.

[Zebedee]

*At the Black Gate*
Aragorn charges orcs, swings his sword. Sword lies off the handle.

based on something that happened to a friend.

[elronds_daughter]

ha! good one, Zebedee! did that seriously happen? too funny!

here's another one:

(in the house of Tom Bombadil)
*Tom slips the Ring and disappears*
the empty space where Tom was: Drat it! That wasn't supposed to happen! GOLDBERRY!! Did you forget to put the anti-Ring potion in my water tonight?! *Tom takes off the Ring, looking much more evil than before, and puts it in his pocket* I'll be keeping this, Frodo. Your quest is no longer relavant.
Frodo: Hey!
*scuffle ensues between the hobbits and Tom. Tom knocks each hobbit on the head, and gains the victory, quite unfairly*

[The Perky Ent]

Gandalf: Prepare to fire!
Soldier in charge of Trebuchets: Prepare to Fire!
Gandalf: On my volley! FIRE!!
*soldier pulls lever*
*trebuchet breaks into pieces*
Soldier: Uh oh....
Ringwraiths: Well that's a time saver
Gandalf: This is unexpected! RUN AWAY!

[Nimrothiel]

Another Monty Python one! (Rather condensed and altered due to poor memory).

*scene: Mordor; the highest room in the tallest tower...whoops, how'd that get in there? Frodo is being questioned by an orc*

Orc: "Why did you come here? What were you doing? Were you alone? Did you take the rest of last night's slop?"

Frodo: "Stop it! I don't know, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition!!"

*door is flung open; three dubious looking characters enter*

Cardinal #1: "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our main weapons are fear, terror...er, wait..um, well, nobody expects it!"

Orc: "How convenient, now I can have an early lunch." *leaves*

Cardinal #1: "Now halfling, confess!"

Frodo: "What?"

Cardinal #2: "Confess!"

Frodo: "Confess what?"

Cardinal #1: "Of your crimes to the church!"

Frodo: "What church?"

Cardinal #1: "The Catholic church of course! Now confess!"

Frodo: "But I haven't done anything!"

Cardinals (chanting) : "Confess! Confess! Confess!"

Frodo: "I won't confess to something I haven't done!"

Cardinal #1: "Stubborn, eh? Cardinal Fang, bring in...the fluffy cushions!"

*Cardinal #3 leaves and returns with three sofa cushions*

Cardinal #1: "Now confess!"

Frodo: "No!"

Cardinal #1: "Very well, then we will have to poke you with the fluffy cushions until you confess!"

*Cardinals proceed to poke Frodo with cushions; the seams split and stuffing spills out*

Cardinal #1: "Drat! Will you confess?"

Frodo: "No!"

Cardinal #1 to Cardinal #2: "Bring in...the comfy chair!"

Cardinal #2 (horrified) : "The comfy chair?!"

*leaves and brings in a comfy looking armchair*

Cardinal #1: "Now confess or you will be forced to sit in...the comfy chair!"

Frodo: "I won't confess until you tell me what the hell is going on here!"

Cardinal #1: "Because you will not confess you must sit in the comfy chair until you do!"

*pushes Frodo onto chair; Frodo begins to bounce up and down on the seat, the chair breaks*

Cardinal #1: "Bloody hell!"

[Pallando]

Very funny, Nim! This one takes place in Amon Hen.

Boromir leaps at Frodo, who barely dodges and then slips the Ring unto his finger. Problem is: he's not invisible.

Frodo: "Aw hell..."

[Gil-Galad]

Another Monty Python!

*eomer rides to see Theodred on the ground with arrows in him*

Eomer: "oh no! we must avenge theodreds death!"

Theodred: actually i'm not quite dead, i guess Orc arrows are really slave arrows, you get what you paid for

Eomer: ohh... well fear not oh mortally-wounded Theodred! stay here while i slay every orc in rohan!

Theodred actually i'm quite okay i think i can go with you

Eomer: no! stay down! it'll be good for my...ummm...

Theodred: Idium?

Eomer: yes idium! thank you good prince, now rest here till i return, actually i probaly have more to say so i'll just do my buisness first then come back okay

Theodred: uhh okay...

*eomer walks into bushes, but then some orcs run up and take theodred and tie him up in a tree, then the three hunters coem by, take the two orcs and tie them up in side by side trees and then run away*

Eomer: ah sweet freedom...theodred?! what are you doing in that tree!

Theodred: funny story really...

Eomer: if your going to die up there then so shall i! *pulls out sword and stabs himself, but the sword snaps in half

Theodred: ...

Orcs: ...

Strongbad: ...

Orc(1): well you know what they say... always look on the bright side of life!

*everybody breaks into a song number while Theodred struggles to free himself after realizing blood is dripping down his head*


rather off-course but still defective weapon(s) none the less

[Farmira]

Scene: Boromir just saved Merry and pippin from being cut into swiss cheese by an orc in fotr.

Boromir grabs his horn and blows:: ..."high pitched whistle"

<mean while> all the dogs in middle earth run to aide Boromir since they heard the call of the dog-whistle of Gondor

(ok kinda dumb, but i just thought of it)