Why their were no women in the fellowship

[Kransha]

My, my, I certainly did not expect such an ovation. This sudden well of praise is, I assure you, totally undeserved on my part. I suppose I've just been holding back semi-psychotic theories for far to long (does anyone remember when I theorized that Orcs had been made by Melkor to sew his garments, citing "Nonexistent Tolkien Letter #678" as evidence?). Well, it does my *old* heart good to see that my whacked postulate has drawn such illicit laughter. I believe that, with the support of my fellow B-Ders, I'll be able to muster enough evidence to prove my theory and send correspondence to the Tolkien Estate insisting the release the witheld information about Gimli's Secret Femininity.

Now, a personal matter.

Sir, should you ever hanker to write a cameo (or ongoing) role in this site's only parody RPG, please contact me ASAP!!

*suddenly begins to salivate madly*

You must forgive me, but I'm a little taken aback. I've been, from time immemorial, eyeing that most side-splitting, gut-wrenching, and spleen-tearing of threads. I had never even entertained the possibility that a member of it would actually inquire after me about it. I figured that I'd be the one begging and fawning upon your regal personage, (thankfully, I've been able to show a feeble modicum of restraint, thanks to real-world distractions). I'm not saying you're begging or fawning, though it would be nice if you were *swells with pride, but newfound bulk is unable to conceal the small saliva lake that has formed*.

P.S. When you say 'contact me' do you mean by PM or email...My email address has been acting peculiar lately *continues to salivate*.

P.P.S. If y'all liked this little exercise, you'll probably love my theory about Tom Bombadil and the Merry Dol of Doom.