If Lord of the Rings was a soap opera...

[Encaitare]

Somehow I think the Ring would be kinda like the jaded hot chick who's starting to get on a bit in years, but can still have any guy she wants and has a couple of old flames tucked away, always sucking on a cigarette, with a smoker's voice, and constantly complaining to everyone how people can't keep their hands off her (or in this case, it). For example:

"So this one time I was just sittin' around in a cave for like 60 years or so, and I'm thinkin', 'Gollum, luv, it's just gotta end. You never take me to the movies, out dancin', or nothin'.'" *takes drag of cigarette* "So I figured it's now or nevah, so I packed up my ashtray and Queen albums and split outta there. But then, next thing I know, some other guy comes along and picks me up -- I mean, I know men can't resist this body, but please--" waves cigarette around dramatically -- "cut an evil piece of jewelry a break!"

Hah.