Dwarven Boasting Contest

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Come on, guys – who do you all think you are?? Bragging about your prowess as if you were the ones pulling all the strings! Why don’t you look to see who the real Powers That Be are? They are the females of the races, of course!

Think of any race – let’s start off with Valar. Who is worshipped by the Elves, the object of their songs and prayers? Manwë? Not a chance! Putting the stars in the sky is a pretty big, universal kind of power, and who’s the one?? O Elbereth…

Now for the Maiar – take Melian, for example. Well, Thingol did - take her, I mean, as his wife. Without her protection, what would have become of his kingdom? And without her calm judgement, he would have been in trouble much sooner than he was.

Then their daughter Lúthien, a union of Maia and Elf – she picked a boyfriend, thought he was hot stuff, and ended up having to help him. He made a promise to get her dad a jewel, and who had to do the work? A woman! Who was able to sing the biggest baddie of them all to sleep? Who was able to soften the heart of Mandos to get said boyfriend back to life?? I rest my case on this point.

Then comes that most powerful of Elven rulers – a She-Elf. Galadriel fought the baddie of her times, kept a whole kingdom going, and even had time to weave cloaks, twist ropes, and bake lembas in her spare time.

You think her granddaughter only got the ability to do needlework from her? Think again! She protected the once and future king on all of his journeys – do you seriously think he would have made it without her? Arwen is another Elf who let herself get fooled by a seemingly strong male, but he was sure lucky to have her at his side, whether directly or from afar.

As to his becoming king, do you think he would have been accepted if that pearl of a nurse, Ioreth, hadn’t told everyone about his healing abilities? He wouldn’t even have known that he could heal if she hadn’t remembered that poem!

And finally our favourite shieldmaiden, Éowyn – the fact that she was no man was the decisive factor in killing the wicked (male, of course!) Witch-King.

By the way, isn’t it interesting that the females are almost exclusively mentioned as belonging to the ‘good’ races? We don’t hear about female Orcs, Wargs, Trolls, Balrogs, fell beasts…

Go figure!