If I found 200,000 orcs on my front door, I would.... - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

alatar · 03-10-2005, 12:55 PM

Here's a plan:

1. Shut the door. That should slow them down a bit.

2. Use my keyfob to set off my car alarm. Not only would it cause a little wonder in the orcs, it would torque off my neighbors who, armed to the teeth (this is 'Merica!), would start shooting just to get the noise to stop.

3. Call the police. Most local police carry enough firepower to handle a few thousand or so orcs, but what would really get them going would be me telling them that the orcs were having some kind of religious rally without a permit. The ACLU lawyers sniffing the line would beat the cops to the scene, and, by all accounts, those lawyers can be pretty tough.

4. Call the local Teamsters. "Hey, I gotta some guys here who are working below union scale." One might pity the orcs.

5. The next calls would be to cable TV and satellite dish companies who, so hot on signing up a new customer, would be there in minutes. Some of the orcs would be caught in the ensuing crossfire.

6. Call a timeshare company and tell them that there are ~200,000 potential clients at my door if they would be so interested to stop by. Need I say more?

7. Use my video camera to capture the fun for sale later to the local news. Hey, what's wrong with turning a buck on the whole deal?

After that, I'd sit back and load up ROTK EE on the DVD player to find the next thing to nitpick about in the movies forum ("...just why doesn't Merry's cape make him invisible on the Pelennor Fields?"

03-10-2005, 12:55 PM	#10
alatar Doubting Dwimmerlaik Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Heaven's basement Posts: 2,466	Here's a plan: 1. Shut the door. That should slow them down a bit. 2. Use my keyfob to set off my car alarm. Not only would it cause a little wonder in the orcs, it would torque off my neighbors who, armed to the teeth (this is 'Merica!), would start shooting just to get the noise to stop. 3. Call the police. Most local police carry enough firepower to handle a few thousand or so orcs, but what would really get them going would be me telling them that the orcs were having some kind of religious rally without a permit. The ACLU lawyers sniffing the line would beat the cops to the scene, and, by all accounts, those lawyers can be pretty tough. 4. Call the local Teamsters. "Hey, I gotta some guys here who are working below union scale." One might pity the orcs. 5. The next calls would be to cable TV and satellite dish companies who, so hot on signing up a new customer, would be there in minutes. Some of the orcs would be caught in the ensuing crossfire. 6. Call a timeshare company and tell them that there are ~200,000 potential clients at my door if they would be so interested to stop by. Need I say more? 7. Use my video camera to capture the fun for sale later to the local news. Hey, what's wrong with turning a buck on the whole deal? After that, I'd sit back and load up ROTK EE on the DVD player to find the next thing to nitpick about in the movies forum ("...just why doesn't Merry's cape make him invisible on the Pelennor Fields?"