Middle Earth Tech Support - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Morai · 03-16-2005, 07:41 PM

Quote:

But how could you press for Dwarvish, since that is a secret tongue, not spoken to strangers.

Good point:
*Gilmi dials Middle Earth Axe Company Tech Support*
TS: For instructions on how to use your axe Press 1. If you need a replacement axe Press2. For service on reparing your axe Press 3.
*Gimli Presses 3*
TS: For common tounge, press 1. For Sindarin: Press2, Quenya: Press3. Black Speech Press:4. Dwarvish: Press 5
*Gimli hesitates and presses 5*
TS: To confirm your dwarvish idenity, please repeat the following phrase in Dwarvish: "I like pink boxers."
Gimli: Phony imposters! *Hangs up phone and fixes the axe himself*

The question I have is...would the 'folks' of Middle Earth preferred to use other means to contact tech support?

Esgallhugwen · 03-21-2005, 08:59 PM

I suppose the Elves could use Osanwe Kenta (mind communication of the elves), boy wouldn't that be funny especially if some other Elf was listening in.

Maeggaladiel · 03-21-2005, 09:52 PM

Tech Support: Hello!

Isildur: H-Hello? Hello! Hey, I need some he--

Tech Support (recording): Welcome to the StabCo Weapons Hotline! Your call is important to us, so please choose from one of the following options! Thank you!

Isildur: I don't have time for this!

TS: For StabCo product information, press one. For StabCo employee special events, press two. For StabCo product concerns or malfunctions, press three. To speak with an actual live person--

*Isildur raises finger to push button*

TS: --call somewhere else.

*Isildur puts finger down. Isildur presses three.*

TS: Thank you for pressing three. You have indicated that your StabCo product may be malfunctioning. We at StabCo value the opinions of our customers, but regret to inform you that whatever the problem is, it was obviously caused by the user and is in no way connected to the faulty manufacturing process and therefore is not covered by warrantee. StabCo would also like to assure customers that our products are NOT made in Mordor sweat shops and that our employees are very happy and well paid. Anyone who argues with this fact shall be terminated. Thank you and have a nice day! And remember, at StabCo, our motto is "THE POINTY END GOES INTO THE OTHER GUY!"

Sauron: Hey, buddy, you wanna pick up the pace? I'm not going to stand here forever!

Isildur: *looks down at broken sword bits* Aw, MAN!

The Perky Ent · 09-02-2005, 08:18 AM

Elrond: Hello?
TS: Welcome to Aman Tech Support. My name is Glorfindel (no relation). How can I assist you today?
Elrond: Well...see...i'm on this ship
TS: Yes. we deal with ships a lot
Elrond: Right. Well, we're elves see, and we were on a ship to go back to our lands
TS: Yes?
Elrond: And...well....we just landed in this town. But...it's full of wargs and orcs
TS: Hmm...are all the passengers worthy of Valinor?
Elrond: I....dunno. We got a hobbit with us. Does that count?
TS: Hobbit? I'll have to check with my supervisor

~*~ Two hours later ~*~

TS: Hello?
Elrond: Yes?
TS: I talked to my supervisor. In a rare case like this, the hobbit is probably weighting you down from entering your peoples lands.
Elrond: Really?
TS: Yeah. Sorry about that. We're "aware" of the problem, and are "looking into" fixing it.
Elrond: Oh....ok. Thanks anyway
TS: No problem

*** HANG UP ****
Elrond: Um...Bilbo? Frodo?
Bilbo and Frodo: Yes?
Elrond: Um...look over there!
*Bilbo and Frodo look*
*Elrond ties them up, and throws them to the wargs*
*Lands suddenly morph into valinor*

ElentariGreenleaf · 11-09-2005, 11:37 AM

Hehe, why hasn't this been posted on in a while? Oh well.

TS = tech support

*after hours of ringing, the phone in answered*
TS: ME Tech Support.
Frodo: Yes I-
TS: For complaints about Balrogs having wings, press 1. For help related to non-war situations, press 2. For help related to the current war, press 3.

*Frodo presses 3, muttering something about "stupid automated replies"*

TS: You have selected 3, help related to the current war. Press 1 for help related to defending Rohan. Press 2 for help with finding missing Hobbits *Frodo looks shocked at this point*. Press 3 for help related to defending Gondor. Press 4 for help related to destroying ME. Press 5 for help related to detroying the ring of power.

*Frodo press 5*

Frodo: Why is my option always last?
TS: Because we're run by Sauron. Thank you for giving away your location. You can expect to be attacked by the Nazgul... now. Goodbye. *beep, hangs up*
Frodo: What the...?
*wraith noises in the distance*

Morai · 11-09-2005, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Press 4 for help related to destroying ME.

Hehe...wonder how many times that number was pressed by accident. I wonder if by that point whether or not the phone self destructs.

Valesse · 11-10-2005, 10:43 PM

Automated Message: You've reached the SeeingStone service line. Please hold while an employee reconnects you.
Saruman: ...reconnects?

*click*

Saruman: ... (dials again)
Automated Message: You've reached the SeeingStone service line. Please hold until one of our technicians is able to answer your call. Your call is important to us! Someone will be by shortly...
(twenty minutes later)
Techie: Hello this is Jeremy, how can I help you?
Saruman: Thank Eru! Hello I'm having a problem with my palantir.
Techie: Pal..um..Alan..
Saruman: Palantir. It isn't focusing and the color fizzles a bunch...
Techie: ant...antier? Pal-alan-ant-antier... Let me see if we stock those.
Saruman: ...what do you mean stock those? Thats all you sell!
(Techie has left the phone... this becomes obvious after a few moments. Returns.)
Saruman sighs: Look I'm suppose to be in an Arda-Net meeting with a moody Maia in a few hours and I want to get this fixed ASAP.
Techie: I thought you said you had a pal-alan-ant-antier...
Saruman: ...What?
Techie: Thats what you said... You didn't mention anything about an "Asap", but since we're a company based on consumer service I'll go check in the back for you!
Saruman: NO! Quit that! I don't want anything checked! Just t--
Techie: Oh... alright then... it was a pleasure doing business with you!

*click*

Saruman: ...

03-21-2005, 08:59 PM	#2
Esgallhugwen Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Where the Moon cries against the snow Posts: 526	I suppose the Elves could use Osanwe Kenta (mind communication of the elves), boy wouldn't that be funny especially if some other Elf was listening in. __________________ "...for the sin of the idolater is not that he worships stone, but that he worships one stone over others. -8:9:4 The Witness of Fane"

03-21-2005, 09:52 PM	#3
Maeggaladiel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The end of the world as we know it. I feel fine, incidentally. Posts: 500	Tech Support: Hello! Isildur: H-Hello? Hello! Hey, I need some he-- Tech Support (recording): Welcome to the StabCo Weapons Hotline! Your call is important to us, so please choose from one of the following options! Thank you! Isildur: I don't have time for this! TS: For StabCo product information, press one. For StabCo employee special events, press two. For StabCo product concerns or malfunctions, press three. To speak with an actual live person-- Isildur raises finger to push button TS: --call somewhere else. Isildur puts finger down. Isildur presses three. TS: Thank you for pressing three. You have indicated that your StabCo product may be malfunctioning. We at StabCo value the opinions of our customers, but regret to inform you that whatever the problem is, it was obviously caused by the user and is in no way connected to the faulty manufacturing process and therefore is not covered by warrantee. StabCo would also like to assure customers that our products are NOT made in Mordor sweat shops and that our employees are very happy and well paid. Anyone who argues with this fact shall be terminated. Thank you and have a nice day! And remember, at StabCo, our motto is "THE POINTY END GOES INTO THE OTHER GUY!" Sauron: Hey, buddy, you wanna pick up the pace? I'm not going to stand here forever! Isildur: looks down at broken sword bits Aw, MAN! __________________ "Wide ne bith wel," cwaeth se the geheirde on helle hriman.

09-02-2005, 08:18 AM	#4
The Perky Ent Maniacal Mage Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Setting sail for Umbar, with Firefoot at my side! Posts: 3,297	More... Elrond: Hello? TS: Welcome to Aman Tech Support. My name is Glorfindel (no relation). How can I assist you today? Elrond: Well...see...i'm on this ship TS: Yes. we deal with ships a lot Elrond: Right. Well, we're elves see, and we were on a ship to go back to our lands TS: Yes? Elrond: And...well....we just landed in this town. But...it's full of wargs and orcs TS: Hmm...are all the passengers worthy of Valinor? Elrond: I....dunno. We got a hobbit with us. Does that count? TS: Hobbit? I'll have to check with my supervisor ~~ Two hours later ~~ TS: Hello? Elrond: Yes? TS: I talked to my supervisor. In a rare case like this, the hobbit is probably weighting you down from entering your peoples lands. Elrond: Really? TS: Yeah. Sorry about that. We're "aware" of the problem, and are "looking into" fixing it. Elrond: Oh....ok. Thanks anyway TS: No problem * HANG UP ** Elrond: Um...Bilbo? Frodo? Bilbo and Frodo: Yes? Elrond: Um...look over there! Bilbo and Frodo look Elrond ties them up, and throws them to the wargs Lands suddenly morph into valinor __________________ 'But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.'

11-09-2005, 11:37 AM	#5
ElentariGreenleaf Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Look, I'm over there! Posts: 496	Hehe, why hasn't this been posted on in a while? Oh well. TS = tech support after hours of ringing, the phone in answered TS: ME Tech Support. Frodo: Yes I- TS: For complaints about Balrogs having wings, press 1. For help related to non-war situations, press 2. For help related to the current war, press 3. Frodo presses 3, muttering something about "stupid automated replies" TS: You have selected 3, help related to the current war. Press 1 for help related to defending Rohan. Press 2 for help with finding missing Hobbits Frodo looks shocked at this point. Press 3 for help related to defending Gondor. Press 4 for help related to destroying ME. Press 5 for help related to detroying the ring of power. Frodo press 5 Frodo: Why is my option always last? TS: Because we're run by Sauron. Thank you for giving away your location. You can expect to be attacked by the Nazgul... now. Goodbye. beep, hangs up Frodo: What the...? wraith noises in the distance __________________ There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Website\|Art

11-10-2005, 10:43 PM	#7
Valesse Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: \|Away Posts: 614	Automated Message: You've reached the SeeingStone service line. Please hold while an employee reconnects you. Saruman: ...reconnects? click Saruman: ... (dials again) Automated Message: You've reached the SeeingStone service line. Please hold until one of our technicians is able to answer your call. Your call is important to us! Someone will be by shortly... (twenty minutes later) Techie: Hello this is Jeremy, how can I help you? Saruman: Thank Eru! Hello I'm having a problem with my palantir. Techie: Pal..um..Alan.. Saruman: Palantir. It isn't focusing and the color fizzles a bunch... Techie: ant...antier? Pal-alan-ant-antier... Let me see if we stock those. Saruman: ...what do you mean stock those? Thats all you sell! (Techie has left the phone... this becomes obvious after a few moments. Returns.) Saruman sighs: Look I'm suppose to be in an Arda-Net meeting with a moody Maia in a few hours and I want to get this fixed ASAP. Techie: I thought you said you had a pal-alan-ant-antier... Saruman: ...What? Techie: Thats what you said... You didn't mention anything about an "Asap", but since we're a company based on consumer service I'll go check in the back for you! Saruman: NO! Quit that! I don't want anything checked! Just t-- Techie: Oh... alright then... it was a pleasure doing business with you! click Saruman: ... __________________ "Loo, what sholde a man in thyse dayes now wryte, 'egges' or 'eyren'?" - Caxton, Eneydos