Is this all there is?

[daeron]

Check out the link. Do you think this is all there is to Tolkien?
http://members.ozemail.com.au/~imcfa...et/fantasy.htm

[Estelyn Telcontar]

That's hilarious! Thanks, daeron, for sharing that very funny article with us!

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Yea, 'tis a good laugh. But...

Twenty years from now, go and look in a bookshop. You will see numerous books in which the author has seemingly followed that guide word for word.

Of course, nothing in Tolkien comes from that list.

[Kath]

Note that in Fantasy Lands the concept of reform or rehabilitation is unknown. All allies, minions, vassals and instruments of the Enemy must be summarily killed even if they served their master primarily out of fear.

Not true in Tolkien. I believe I am correct in saying that Theoden was willing to be merciful to the men who had fought for Saruman.

have no wheeled transport

Wrong again!

There are more examples but I'm only putting them in to show that though a lot of what this person is saying is correct there is more to the books Tolkien wrote.

[Elendhel]

All Fantasy Lands have every conceivable form of climate and landform - mountains, deserts, swamps, glaciers, forests - arranged randomly across the landscape contrary to any known principles of geography or ecology.

Er...Does this guy not get that it's fantasy...FANTASY.

This Villain always has access to vast armies which require no food, payment or other provisioning and can travel thousands of mile and lay siege to cities without any need for a catering corps

FANTASY! IT MEANS IT'S NOT REAL!

Someone should really tell him that.

[Eruanna]

I thought it was really funny, I loved the bit about the maiden warriors!

"no one in Epic Fantasy Novels ever has sex."

That puts paid to a few of our recent discussions (in 'Oo la la Luthien' and 'Aragorn and Arwen more than kissing', I think )

Thanks for the laugh daeron

[wilwarin538]

I really liked this:

...wights or any other creatures that we are happy to kill in their thousands.They are usually black, hairy, sweaty or in some other way unacceptable by middle class Caucasian standards.

Thats us alright!

[Formendacil]

Very hilarious... More than few good sigs in there...

[Fallenstar]

LOL..funny indeed...that reminds me of the formula for expository essays.....but really, when you look at books a lot of them seemed to resumble each other. (that doesn't limit to fantasy genre only...a lot of other books too...) i.e. Romeo and Juliet is like the ultimate cliche of Romance.....

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

That's true. The romance formula consists of 2, maybe 3 steps.

Fantasy has lots.

[Alcarillo]

Note: All fantasy worlds are roughly square. i.e. the shape of the double page of a paperback.

That's my favorite part.

Anyways, there's no resemblance to Tolkien, but it is rather funny. And I've seen some stories grade-school students have written that seem to follow those guidelines.

[Encaitare]

Anyways, there's no resemblance to Tolkien, but it is rather funny.

I would disagree... it's certainly not all there is to Tolkien, as was the original question posed -- and Tolkien followed no such list, to be sure! -- but there are certain resemblances. The part which struck me as being the most similar (and this part is obviously referring to how both Pippin and Bilbo are knocked unconscious and therefore miss much of the battle going on around them):

Despite the need to keep the book long, some bits are just too hard to write. A thousand mile journey by foot is long, but easy to write. Battles on the other hand are hard because there’s a lot going on and you probably require some knowledge of military strategy. So if you’re writing a battle scene and it’s just getting too hard, simply have the hero suffer a wound and lapse into unconsciousness: e.g.

"… then suddenly his head exploded and a mist enveloped him and he felt himself falling down into an ethereal tangible blackness. Badcolds’s sword, still swinging through the air, seemed caught, imprisoned in time. The sound of the battle was suddenly a long way away but just as he closed his eyes and the black cloud engulfed him he thought he heard someone crying from the grassy knoll, "The Toasters are coming. The Toasters are coming."

Voile. Next thing our hero wakes on a white alabaster slab in the Healing Room where the Pure Maiden Warrior (see "Characters" below) tells him that the battle is over and, Guess what? They won! Result: you've saved 50 pages of intricate military description.

[Alcarillo]

True, you've got me there. However, I mostly meant the overall tone of the site, a haha feel, to Tolkien's style of writing, which was more developed and sensible than the site. You're right, there are parallels between the two:

Motley Bunch of Companions=Fellowship
Wise but Useless Guide=Gandalf (anything but useless)
Tough Old Warriors=Dunedain (?)
Pure Maiden Warrior=Eowyn

And in The Silmarillion:

The gate of that harbour was an arch of living rock sea-carved...

Compare that to:

Castles are always "hewn from the living rock" whatever that means.

Yes, it is mostly a parody of LotR, which has become a sort of role-model for young authors to admire. When they do try to write a Tolkienesque fantasy it usually comes out as the site describes.

[Lalwendë]

Originally Posted by Alcarillo

Yes, it is mostly a parody of LotR, which has become a sort of role-model for young authors to admire. When they do try to write a Tolkienesque fantasy it usually comes out as the site describes.

So why's Tolkien so much better than all the rest? Well, for a start, his works came before most of the modern popular fantasy novels; some were published before him (e.g. Gormenghast in 1950?), but the bulk of the genre followed the bloom of his popularity in the late 60's. Everyone else must follow in his wake, and will inevitably be compared to him - I wonder how many fantasy novels feature something about Tolkien in their blurb? Offhand, I know that I've seen him mentioned on the covers and reviews for His Dark Materials, Harry Potter, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, etc...

I actually think that fantasy must be one of the most difficult genres to work within. The master of the genre has already been and gone, and there are so many of us who will make sweeping statements just like the one I have made, that it would be almost impossible to convince us otherwise! And that's despite the fact that I'd love there to be another Tolkien...

Note: All fantasy worlds are roughly square. i.e. the shape of the double page of a paperback.

This, however, is one of the funniest things I've read in ages.

[Fallenstar]

Yes I agree...Tolkien's evil vs good and the Quest have become the cliche of the fantasy genre(only plotwise) because so many people tried to follow his steps because of his success. Yet LOTR still stands out, because I have yet to see a fantasy knitted so perfectly into a myth the author created. So, LOTR is not a cliche by itself, but in the genre it seems to be one..(does this make sense? )

[Lyta_Underhill]

Note: All fantasy worlds are roughly square. i.e. the shape of the double page of a paperback.

And all worlds are roughly spherical, the result of years of carefully compiled physics! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!! Sorry, I couldn't resist!
Map of Nehwon

Or maybe the (known) world shape has something to do with the slow modes of transportation in the stereotypical non-technological fantasy world!

Cheers!
Lyta