Easier way?

[Elendhel]

Originally Posted by Eomer of the Rohirrim

There were eagles?

Haha

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Actually, they are storks, not eagles. The eagles were wiped out during the War of Wrath when they charged the winged dragons, mistaking them for sparrows--so much for keen eyesight.

Now, because of the confusion during the Dark Years of the Second Age, no record was kept of the extinction of eagles. Therefore, when some mysterious Maia of birth (under which Vala she is remains a mystery) sent her beloved giant storks to deliver babies to the beleaguered cities of Men in the East, people mistook them for eagles. The storks didn't bother to correct them, saying to themselves, "If they be as stupid as to mistake us for anything else but storks, it's their problem."

In due course, they helped the poor people of Middle-earth whenever their busy schedules would let them.

Now, about their flight towards Mordor during the battle before the Black Gate, they were just pushed off-course by strong jet streams when some oaf of a stork weatherman drew the weather charts wrong. Some saw what was happening below them, and decided, "What the Mandos, we're just delivering two babies anyway. Let's just help the poor things."

Of course, if you believe this, I have a piece of Doriath to sell you.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

I had always thought that they didn't really exist, but were instead products of the pipeweed-induced hallucinations of Bilbo and Gandalf. And Pippin.

So they could not possibly have carried Frodo to Mount Doom because they simply are not.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I had always thought that they didn't really exist, but were instead products of the pipeweed-induced hallucinations of Bilbo and Gandalf. And Pippin. (Eomer)

This is an interesting theory. Powerful hallucinogenic compounds have been marketed in Middle-earth ever since the return of the Noldor. There has been much speculation regarding the origin of these mind-altering agents, although I for one believe they came from Eru himself, brought to Arda by the Ainur, and brought to ME by the Noldor.

Which brings to question the entire existence of Eä. Was it made solely by some drug in the punch bowl during the Ainulindalë? Was it all due to Eru's mass hallucination of the Ainur? If it is, then what are we talking about?

Oh, hush. You and your crackpot ideas.

[Lhunardawen]

Thanks a lot, Eomer. Look at what you have unleashed.

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

If Ea didn't exist then we would not have our copies of The Lord of the Rings. So I am inclined to believe in it. Eagles though, are far more dubious.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Can't you see it? Eä isn't real! It's the result of the drunkenness of a few unclad spirits. It didn't exist. Please, I'm begging you, let go of the notion that Eä exists. It will only bring you more sorrow.

Oh, boy. He's gone bonkers. Bring out Monsieur Strate Jacquet.