The Narn i Chîn Húrin: Beleg & Falivirn

[Aiwendil]

Up to NA-SL-21

NA-RG-69: Another difficult one. I come up only with this:

but {Flinding go-Fuiling} [the son of Guilin] {fiercely} savagely answered

NA-RG-70 & NA-RG-71: This does not fit the meter. Better solutions are needed. But I could not find any.

I think these are fine.

NA-RG-73, -74, -76: Again, I'm lost.

NA-SL-15: I don't think that alliterating "heart" with "heart" is desirable. Perhaps:

of NA-SL-15{Húrin Thalion}[the House of Hador], what heart in this throng

NA-SL-16: I think it would be preferable to delete these lines (1958 - 1964) rather than changing the reference from Turin to Gwindor.

NA-EX-49: I would make this:

And the Lay tells of the feast at Gwindor's return:

NA-RG-80: I am tempted to suggest:

the form and face of NA-RG-80{Fuilin's son} [the faithful Elf]

NA-RG-82: I think we should use the article:

the folk of [b]NA-RG-82[b]{Faërie}[the Elves] in the first noontide

NA-RG-83, -84, -85: Where does "Culurien" come from? And is "Silpion" still valid? I thought "Telperion" replaced it. But I can't at the moment think of any way to save these lines, whatever the names of the Trees are.

NA-RG-87: I would just replace "Cor" with "Tirion".

NA-SL-18: I'm not sure about "chief friend of mine"; I don't think that retaining the word "chief" is desirable if in an altered meaning. Perhaps:

'NA-SL-18{O Húrin's child chief of Hithlum,}[O Child of Men whom chance led hither,]

NA-RG-91: No idea here.

NA-RG-94: I think that "Valar" would be preferable to "Great", unless a precedent can be found for referring to the Valar this way.

NA-RG-95, -96: I wonder about:

Thus NA-RG-95{Fuilin}[Guilin] and NA-RG-96{Flinding}[Gwindor] {friendship} [guest-kindliness] showed him,

The only possible problem there would be the length of the second half-line. But I don't think it's unreasonably long. Or perhaps some other way can be found of using "guest-kindliness" here; it's a good word and a perfect substitute for "friendship" in this context.

NA-RG-97: There's another spelling error here - should be "friends".

NA-SL-20: It's a minor point, but I don't think we need the accute accent on the second syllable of "handled". I wonder about "drawn and handled"; it sounds a little awkward to me, but I may be reading this too critically.

NA-SL-21: I would make line 2173:

neath trees enchanted}of deeds in the forest; then his tongue faltered

But there is the further problem here that we cannot alliterate on the second accented syllable of the second half-line. I also wonder why they should ask him about deeds in a "forest" if they did not know that he had once lived in Doriath. We might try:

neath trees enchanted}of his former deeds; then [faltered] his tongue {faltered}

[Findegil]

NA-RG-73: Not perfect but maybe better then nothing:

NA-RG-73 and {Flinding}[Guilin’s son] knew it {at the feet}before the throne of the king

NA-RG-74: Isn't the reference here clear enough, so that we might drop the personal name:

with the fleet-footed NA-RG-74{Fuilin's}fair youngling.

NA-RG-76: Not what I would like to have, but maybe an idea starter:

'Tis NA-RG-76{Flinding go-Fuilin}[Gwindor son of Guilin], whose {faith}goodwill of yore

Na-SL-16: I agree that it is riscy to change line 1958-1961 in reference from Túrin to Gwindor, but I don't like to lose line 1961-1964. If we could find a new first half-line for 1961 we could delet 1958-1960. Otherwise I would rather change the reference then droop all the lines.

Na-RG-83 to Na-RG-85: What about:

danced undying in the deep {pasture}past;
NA-RG-83{of the gardens of the Gods; there Glingol shone
and Bansil bloomed with beams shimmering,
mothwhite moonlight from its misty flowers;}

Na-RG-91 What about:

Thus fate it fashioned that in NA-RG-91{Fuilin}[the friend]'s house

Na-RG-95 & Na-RG-96: I like your suggested line, and I don't think the second half-line is to long (if my counting is correct, it has even one sylabel less then the first half-line).

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aiwendil]

NA-TI-26<Sil77 In the time that followed Túrin grew high in favour with Orodreth, … Therefore they gave him dwarf-mail, to guard him; and in a grim mood he found also in the armouries a dwarf-mask all gilded, and he put it on before battle, and his enemies fled before his face.

I'm doubtful about including the dwarf-mask. From HoMe XI (p. 144 in my edition):

In the published Silmarillion (p.210) I adopted a passage from another text in the vast assemblage of the Narn papers, telling how Turin found in the armouries of Nargothrond ‘a dwarf-mask all gilded', and wore it into battle. It seems probable that this story arose at a stage when my father was treating the Dragon-helm as lost and out of the story (from the end of Dor-Cuarthol, the Land of Bow and Helm, when Turin was taken by the Orcs), and I extended Turin's wearing of it to the battle of Tumhalad (p.212).

This suggests to me that the version wherein Turin finds a dwarf-mask in the armouries was superceded by the version that extends the story of the Dragon-helm to Nargothrond. In other words, I had thought that the dwarf-mask was only introduced by Tolkien because the Dragon- helm had been lost; when the story was changed so that the Dragon-helm was no longer lost, the dwarf-mask was dropped.

But I may be wrong. Again we are stung by the lack of the original Narn material.

NA-RG-101: I can think of no suitable synonym for "foully" alliterating in g. We might try:

NA-RG-101{Flinding}[Gwindor] {go-Fuilin}the faithful thus foully betray, {2230}

We are pushing it a bit with "the faithful" by now, but I think it's actually quite appropriate here - Gwindor may well emphasize his own faithfulness to Turin, as opposed to the betrayal he perceives.

NA-RG-102: How about:

NA-RG-102{Flinding}[Gwindor] {go-Fuilin}[son of Guilin], who had {found} [gained] his home

. . . which works nicely with "lost" in the next line.

[Findegil]

Posted by Aiwendil:

This suggests to me that the version wherein Turin finds a dwarf-mask in the armouries was superceded by the version that extends the story of the Dragon-helm to Nargothrond. In other words, I had thought that the dwarf-mask was only introduced by Tolkien because the Dragon- helm had been lost; when the story was changed so that the Dragon-helm was no longer lost, the dwarf-mask was dropped.

Isn't that a bit over-reading the passage from HoME XI? Especially because:

It seems probable that this story arose at a stage when my father was treating the Dragon-helm as lost and out of the story (from the end of Dor-Cuarthol, the Land of Bow and Helm, when Turin was taken by the Orcs), ...

(emphasis is mine) Thus we do not know for certain if the mask was intorduce since the Dragon-Helm was lost. For me that is not so clear. Turin did not wear the Helm at first in Nargothrond, he only took it up again when he went into the Battle of Tumhalad.
But Turin was used to wearing the Helm with its visor and he was interested to conceal his identity from his foes. Thus to use a dwarf-mask was very fiting for him.

In addition:

... and I extended Turin's wearing of it to the battle of Tumhalad (p.212).

Couldn't it be, that the dwarf-mask gave rise to the visor of the Dragon-Helm?

Anyway, I don't see any forcing reason why we have to drop the dwarf-mask. But I agree that "we are stung by the lack of the original Narn material."

NA-RG-101 & NA-RG-102: Both suggestions are nice.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aiwendil]

After thinking about it for a while, I agree with you. The dwarf-mask can stay.

As far as I can tell, that leaves us only with a few lines that need to be fixed for reasons of alliteration in this section.

[Findegil]

Posted by Aiwendil:

As far as I can tell, that leaves us only with a few lines that need to be fixed for reasons of alliteration in this section.

Agreed. A list of the lines not fitting would be nice. But I am to tired to night to produce one.

While rereading the Lay in search for some add-able material for the fight on the summit of Amon Rudh (nothing useable was found; the Sil77 seems to be in part a paraphrasing of the Lay) I found a piece that would fit earlier in the narative:

... NA-EX-37 <Ap Narn Túrin received gladly all who came to him, but by the counsel of Beleg he admitted no newcomer to his refuge upon Amon Rûdh (and that was now named Echad i Sedryn, Camp of the Faithful); the way thither only those of the Old Company knew and no others were admitted. But other guarded camps and forts were established round about: in the forest eastward, or in the highlands, or in the southward fens, from Methed-en-glad ("the End of the Wood") to Bar-erib some leagues south of Amon Rûdh; and from all these places men could see the summit of Amon Rûdh, and by signals receive tidings and commands.> NA-EX-37.2 <editorial bridge And the Lay tells about that time:
><Lay Thus war was waked in the woods once more
for the foes of Faërie, and its fame widely,
and the fear of that fellowship, now fared abroad; {645}
when the horn was heard of the hunting Elves
that shook the shaws and the sheer valleys. 5
Blades were naked and bows twanging,
and shafts from the shadows shooting wingéd,
and the sons of darkness slain and conquered; {650}
even in Angband the Orcs trembled.
Then the word wandered down the ways of the forest 10
that Túrin Thalion was returned to war{;
and Thingol heard it, and his thanes were sped
to lead the lost one in love to his halls - 655
but his fate was fashioned that they found him not}.
Little gold they got in that grim warfare,
but weary watches and wounds for guerdon;
nor on robber-raids now rode they ever,
who fended from NA-EX-37.5{Faërie}[friends] the fiends of Hell. {660}15
>
NA-EX-38 <Ap Narn {It is several times emphasized that }Beleg remained throughout opposed to Túrin's grand design, ...

I think we should add it. It does only add little to the narative but it prepares the read for what is to come.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aiwendil]

By my reckoning, the problems for which he currently have no solution are:

FG-RG-26
FG-RG-27
FG-RG-67
FG-RG-73

Note - I had failed to comment before but your proposed:

NA-RG-73 and {Flinding}[Guilin’s son] knew it {at the feet} before the throne of the king

. . . lacks alliteration.

Other than those four, we seem to have solutions that are at least satisfactory - though it certainly wouldn't hurt to continue to look at some of them and seek improvement.

NA-EX-37.2: I like the idea of including this, but I hesitate about the lines:

Then the word wandered down the ways of the forest 10
that Túrin Thalion was returned to war

Turin's identity is known to his comrades at this point, but is it known generally that Gorthol is the heir of Hador?