Assigned to Mordor RPG

[Durelin]

The city was always full of orcs, and in his brief scan of his surroundings, Valde of course found nothing to redeem the sordid reputation of the place. There were some very colorful posters with pictures on them that were…interesting, even to him, but he was skilled at finding something wrong with them. They ruined the atmosphere. No, they only added to its horridness. They were too loud, just like everything else. Then, something so terrifying and so revolting hit him that he immediately spun around on his heel and began looking for a way to leave. What if this was the kind of place that he would escape from Mordor to?

But there was Anakron, with his staff, seemingly stroking the ghastly Siamese cat on the top of it, looking at them all pointedly. He seemed amused; Valde scowled. “Well, don't just stand there, gawking and procrastinating, you fools!” he exclaimed, shooing them, “Get on with it! Your future depends on it!”

“I do not have a future,” he muttered in a practical moan, turning back around and beginning to trudge slowly down the side of the street. “The ‘Grand Anakronist’ thinks he knows everything. Then why is he in Mordor?” He bumped into an orc who growled something about the decency and respect. But Valde was in a city, and he knew cities were full of rude people. He would just be another one to add to the mix, and the only one who had a right to be rude. No one had as much reason to dislike people so greatly. Life had treated him very poorly, and people were only worse. So with a very miserable sigh, he all but went out of his way to more than rub shoulders with everyone who walked by him.

Another orc, this one in a car, rode up on the curb and would have hit Valde had he not quickly put down his cell phone and used both hands on the wheel, and possibly his foot. “Don’t walk on the sidewalk!” he shouted in a screechy voice that resembled a knife on slate. Valde cringed, but managed to shout, “Well, don’t drive on the street!”

He was just recovering from his trauma at almost being hit when another vehicle came dangerously close to the curb, though this one stopped beside him. He froze, examining it, which he soon realized was a deadly move. A group of Trolls exploded from the large, obnoxiously yellow van, and hurried over to him. Pretentious Blimcasting Corruption? he barely had time to wonder before they crowded around him and one of the Trolls began speaking. He only half listened, spending more time perfecting a downtrodden but defiant appearance in the face of a looming crowd. But after only a moment he heard something about a ‘lead role,’ and perked up his ears. And after the words ‘failed attempt to escape from Mordor,’ his mouth was hanging open.

“I will nev-” he began with indignation, but he was cut off by the Troll, and left to smolder in anger, considering how such an obviously educated being could be so rude. “We are vested with full right and legality to apprehend thy great talent and produce this wonderful play.” Valde looked smug for a moment, liking the sound of ‘they great talent.’ He even almost forgot that the Troll had ‘tutted’ him. But the sight of the official looking document made him scowl again. “Thou wilt help us in the writing. Stage hands, apprehend our lead man!”

He was smacked in the face by pure shock as the Trolls began bodily placing him on a litter, and though it was quite comfortable, and he was getting a lead role, Valde made a show of struggling. “No! O untimely official looking document, I never once did know thy bitter taste till now!”

“He is good, isn’t he?” the Troll carrying the back of the litter said to the one in front.

“Why thank you,” Valde said before he could think. The next thing he knew, he was tossed with the litter into the back of the van, and with a squeal of tires, the van drove off even before the last Troll could get into it. “It seems we will have to recast Trollonius after all,” one of the litter bearers said as he closed the back doors of the van, blocking the flailing, left behind Troll from Valde’s view. How tragic… He snickered. But such tragedy shall not befall me! I will make it out of Mordor, and I would swear it on my great grandfather’s skull! Realizing what a good scene could be made if they used a skull, he began sharing his ideas with the Trolls. If only he knew who his great grandfather was.

[Celuien]

Panakeia watched from behind as Sai collided with Alli. A stifled laugh escaped her lips as the girl toppled to the ground. Good. That silly child seems a bit full of herself. That'll take some of the wind out of her sails. Panakeia doubled her pace, struggling to make her way through the crowd. She reached an intersection where an Orc, dressed in full crossing guard regalia, stood directing the heavy rush-hour traffic. He held up his clawed hand as a signal to stop. But he unfortunately failed to notice a pick-up truck attempting to turn against traffic while he stopped the pedestrians. It smashed into one of Lûndûn's ubiquitious yellow PT cruisers. The Orcs immediately exited their automobiles and proceeded to scream at each other in a fit of road rage. They were, of course, quickly joined by all of the other drivers in view. The crossing-guard pulled out his whistle began to blow, bringing in several other uniformed guards. Rather than breaking up the chaos that had erupted, they pulled out several copies of the Lûndûn Traffic Manual to find the proper regulation for dealing with accidents complicated by non-involved angry drivers to determine the proper fines to levy.

Panakeia hurried into the now stopped traffic in the street, trying to avoid the fray. Weaving between the abandoned cars, she made her way to the other side of the street. Congratulating herself on escaping the melee, she was about to head off in the direction she had seen Alli and Sai moving toward when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to face an enormous uniformed Orc. His badge read Lûndûn Traffic Safety Division.

"I beg your pardon, madam. It is my most humble obligation to inform you that you are in violation of Section 5.2 of the Lûndûn Traffic Manual. To whit, or perhaps to most, you have crossed the main thoroughfare improperly, and must therefore pay a penalty of 1 Troll. Or, if it does not please you to most graciously comply with my request, I shall be forced to place you under arrest."

Panakeia's face turned bright red. She sputtered. "This is ridiculous!" But she handed over the Troll.

"Thank you." The Orc deposited the Troll in a box marked "Paid" and handed Panakeia a receipt. As he turned and walked back into the crowd, he called out "Have a nice day, and remember, a frown is just a smile turned upside down." Panakeia gaped at the Orc. Could he possibly be any more absurd?

The scene over, Panakeia scanned the crowd ahead for Alli and Sai. But she had lost them. She would have to think of something else.

****

Panakeia wandered the streets of Lûndûn, hoping to find some way of reaching her destination. She was hopelessly lost in the City's endless labyrinth of alleyways, streets and snarling lines of cars. She stumbled over a grating in the sidewalk, breaking off the heel of her shoe. The heel dropped far below into the darkness. A strange roar came from the chasm, followed by the fading blare of a train whistle. At last she had found something! Here was part of the vast BliddyUnnerground, legendary for delayed travel and hopelessly confusing routes that never seemed to end. As bad as the BU was reputed to be, it had to be better than wandering through Lûndûn without a guide. Whirling on her broken shoe, Panakeia searched for the entrance. And there it was, just a few blocks ahead, a set of forbiddingly littered and cracked concrete steps descending far below the pavement. A black sign, hanging crookedly from its post above the steps proclaimed Rût's Lip Garden Station in faded red letters. Doesn't look much like a garden to me, she thought to herself, unless it's trash they're growing.

Taking a deep breath, Panakeia limped off to the station entrance and vanished into the darkness of the gaping portal.

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

In the time that it took for Sai to contemplate travelling with her, Alli looked around once again. She spotted the disturbingly phlegmy dwarf chasing after the old woman and laughed at the absurdity of the image. Maybe they knew where they were going... whichever way it was, it was the opposite way that Alli was. If Sai planned to accompany her, she'd have to be all right with the idea of going in entirely the opposite direction as the rest of the group. The only thing that Alli worried about was getting lost in the worse parts of Lûndûn. Though Alli could take care of herself in a pinch, she knew that she would prefer to avoid pinches entirely. Two lovely young women travelling alone seemed to simply ask for trouble... especially as Alli carried no visible weapons to scare off potential trouble-makers.

She spotted Mardil out of the corner of her eye and pretended not to notice. What a snob, she thought. I'm not sure whether or not I really do want to travel with him, politics or not... could I stand his arrogant lordship for more than a millisecond? Will he insist that we call him Lord, Master, Sir, or even... she groaned at the prospect of the last... King? He's certainly not a king, but his ego could very well encourage that sort of adoration. She rolled her eyes and began daydreaming about anarcho-syndicalist communes overtaking Gondor's monarchy. She rather hoped that he wouldn't spot them, but then again... even if he did, she had to admit that he wouldn't be a sore sight on a long journey through this dirty city... and even better... he openly carried weapons and could work quite nicely to discourage ruffians. And besides... perhaps talking governmental policy with him wouldn't be so bad after all... she was always up for a good arguement.

[the phantom]

"Hello there!" said Mardil, thrusting his head between Alli and Sai. Sai jumped in surprise, but Alli had already spotted him and merely said hello back.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation-" he began.

"Yes, yes," interrupted Alli, "I know what you're going to say. We are lost and you are not, so you assume we wouldn't mind you joining us. However, in exchange for leading us correctly to our destination, you are going to demand that we refer to you as 'Lord' all the time, smile prettily at you, and fall down to our knees and thank you at the end of the journey. Am I right?" Alli, very pleased with herself, looked at Mardil and awaited the indignant, flustered, and stuttering response which she was sure her comment had earned.

But Mardil just raised one eyebrow and laughed a bit. "Actually, I wasn't going to offer to lead you to Edge-Where at all, I was just going to give you good directions and mark the route on your map and then leave it to you whether or not you wanted to travel with me or go at your own pace."

[Kath]

Sai had been relieved at the mostly calm actions of her new found companion. When Alli had risen from the ground it had looked as though she was readying herself for a fight, but had dropped her aggressive stance once she'd seen who it was that had hit her. Still, she wasn't sure she wanted to accept the offer of travelling with this volatile tempered girl, even if refusing meant travelling without anyone to help when she got completely lost. Wait who am I kidding? She suddenly thought. I'm already completely lost! And at least I don't have to take all the blame if we end up the opposite side of town!

Just as she had made the decision to accept Alli's over, another member of the Offending Party appeared - Mardil. She was pleased to see Alli's apparently natural rudeness put to good use as she attempted to put the overbearing adult in his place, but he seemed used to such attacks, and was wise enough to merely offer help rather than forced companionship. Not really caring in the least who she travelled with so long as they were going in the right direction, Sai turned to Alli.

"It might be a good idea to at least get directions. I didn't understand the map at all and you didn't even look at it! We were going to go ask for directions anyway, why not let him help?"

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

It was the eyebrow that did it. Obviously Mardil wasn't one of those easily offended people and that impressed Alli. Of course he didn't need that he'd won so easily... he'd have to try a little harder to get a public display of her approval.

She nodded subtly to Sai and spoke to Mardil with derision. "Good luck marking my map. If you can find it, you're welcome to write on it. And I'll need a good reason to travel with you... after all, I don't even know you."

Alli didn't want to jab too much... she didn't want him to leave... but at the same time, she wanted to make sure he knew that she could handle herself... or at least make sure that he thought that she could. If nothing else, Alli wanted to be seen as tough enough to take out a dozen enemies in one fell swoop. Her first week in Mordor had been horrible... she'd been scared and didn't hide it well enough. First she'd been singled out by a band of bullying orcs that had intimidated her into handing over her money. Then, alone and with no money, she'd had to find a place to sleep in safety. She didn't even want to think of those first few nights...

She was better off now, and not likely to be pushed around due to her very convincing, or so she thought, bravado, but it still didn't hurt to scare people off before they could bother her. If they stuck around, they were either really insistent on messing with her... or worth having around. Her only trouble, really, was differentiating.

"Well?" she prodded. "What do you have to say? Why should we travel with you?"

[the phantom]

"Why should you travel with me?" repeated Mardil. "If you don't see the advantage of having someone with you who knows the way and is well armed, then I don't think you are intelligent enough to deserve my companionship."

Alli glared at Mardil, but said nothing. Sai looked like she wanted to say something to smooth everything over, but Mardil spoke again. "There's no need to look at me like that- my comment was made in jest. The fact is, I know that you know perfectly well the advantage in having me along. That makes me wonder, why would you ask me to answer something that you have already answered in your own mind? It seems to me that you never intended for me to answer, and that the only reason to ask such a question would be to imply that I have nothing to offer and you have everything you need. It was an attempt to insult me and increase your stature in my eyes at the same time... very nice, very nice indeed!" exclaimed Mardil with a grin.

Alli racked her brain, but couldn't think of anything good to say. She very much disliked Mardil's interpretation of her words. It was too accurate.

"Well," said Sai, eager to break the silence, "Just so you know I am not at all opposed to joining forces, and the sooner we reach a decision one way or the other the sooner we can be on our way."

Mardil turned and studied Sai. "Your words show that you are capable of cutting through attitudes and personalities straight to the facts. I like that. You seem to recognize a good arrangement when you hear one and so will be willing to stick with it as long as it is mutually beneficial. As far as I am concerned you have my stamp of approval as a traveling companion- for now. And if I may ask, your face- there's something there that suggests the old, high Numenorean blood. I can't quite put my finger on it. And your garments, though they are dusty and frayed, look like they were once very fine. You come from a wealthy family, yes?"

Then, Mardil turned his attention back to Alli. Mardil immediately recognized that Alli was putting on a bit of a front. He had rubbed shoulders with politicians enough during his early life that he could sniff out a front rather quickly. Now, the trick was figuring out what was truly Alli and what wasn't, and to appeal to her true self. He stood considering for a moment and then spoke. "It is clear you have a grudge against the aristocracy. It seems to me that the only way an intelligent person like yourself could harbor such feelings is if you had had a few actual opinion-forming encounters with the aristocracy. That leads me to believe that you used to live near an area of concentrated wealth and power- Minas Tirith. Also, your speech and bearing make it clear that you received a quality education within the White City's walls, so you certainly were not poor. I'm guessing you come from a middle class merchant family."

Then Mardil leaned in a bit closer and added, "And just in case it makes a difference to you, I, too, have a rather large grudge against the rulers of Minas Tirith."

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

Alli wanted to smile. She wanted to laugh and enthusiastically throw her arms around this intuitive man as she would have at home in the old days to an old friend that pointed out when she was dodging questions and being intentionally obtuse. She was very amused by his astute observations... but he didn't need to know that. He was too accurate for her comfort, and that completely neutralized her excitement that she'd be travelling with somebody actually able to give tart responses as easily as he could take them. His accuracy made her wonder how much of her act he saw through. He seemed to have their mutual best interests in order, but if he could find his way through her charade, she wondered who else would be so easily able to tell how relieved she was that she and Sai would have protection on the road back home. If they could sense relief the second aid was offered, they could sense that aid was desired or needed. She didn't want to feel indebted to anybody... especially not a noble, no matter how handsome, amusing, and empathetic he was.

Alli's face now took on an unreadable quality. She spoke more quietly now... more politely, but far less revealingly. "I would welcome your accompaniment, Lord Mardil. Thank you for the offer."