Survivor: Surviving the Minor Works

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Elempi

For example: Anybody who's playing Dueling Wizards who votes against Smith of Wootton Major will NOT get a good death write-up.

Shocking abuse of power! I thought that you Smithsonians were all high 'n mighty. Yet you now reveal the true lengths to which you will go to secure your candidate's desired victory. Something is rotten in the Land of Faerie. Shocking!

Originally Posted by the phantom, ever so conveniently popping in

I don't think a dog should be winning this contest- particularly a bad dog.

No one's saying he's gonna win. The anti-Gram vote is simply an attempt to secure the victory for Smith. And that is what will surely happen should he not go today. How dull and predictable will that be? It will turn viewers off the show for good. Come now, there will be plenty of other worthy candidates left if Smith goes.

Originally Posted by Celuien

So vote for Gram.

Can one divorce one's widow ...?

But why vote for Gram? Can anyone give a good reason, other than the fact that he's a dog? Dog's are useful in survival situations. They can hunt food, keep guard, provide good company and all sorts. In marked contrast to Smith, who has conspicuously failed to do even a single useful thing while on the Island. Always off searching for Faerie. Never contributing to the tasks or the camp chores. Tsk!

And Gram may misbehave occasionally. But that shows character. Something in which Smith is singularly lacking.

Originally Posted by Formendacil

Now that's a really tempting offer... seeing how you've been SO successful this game at voting somebody off.

But just look at the way the odds have been stacked against me. And, despite all that, he is now on the verge of leaving. Besides, there are a few who wish to see the back of Giles. I will be glad to join them once Smith as gone.

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

Perhaps you meant sacred sausage? That strikes me as a bit more Brit.

But my dear Bb, old bean, I was simply trying to avoid offending those delicate vegetarian sensibilities of which you spoke. Sacred sausages would not do at all.

Sacre bleu!

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

But my dear Bb, old bean, I was simply trying to avoid offending those delicate vegetarian sensibilities of which you spoke. Sacred sausages would not do at all.

Sacre bleu!

Tabernac! Whimpeys doesn't serve veggie burgers and soya sausages? Are we left then with the sacred Baldrick?

[Elu Ancalime]

++ Smith of Wootton Major

The one whom I owe allegence to has called me....oathkeeper, I am!

I think Tolkien might have been bored when he was righting this one, and ripped off The Adventure of Link, Halo (Master Cook!?) and Feast of Good Children is definetly straight from Santa Claus' early ideas and experiments. Let's git rid of the (as we say in the 'Souf',) "bo-bo brand.
________
Glass bubblers

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Smith

Mainly to prevent a Smith/Giles showdown because that would be a horrible groaner.

And should Smith go I, at the very least, will have SpM's vote against Long-Name tomorrow...

[Alcarillo]

++Gram

A dog on a medieval farm is certain not to have all of the proper shots. God knows what horrible diseases the animal carries. I wouldn't be surprised if half the contestants have rabies by now.

[Diamond18]

It was a banger of a day -- reinforcements were summoned on both sides, and the mod actually had to write the votes down instead of counting them on her fingers. Like, work.


Smith of Wootton Major: 9 votes

Gram: 8 votes

Queen of Faerie: 1 vote


And so, as Sauce gave a delirious whoop for joy, Smith was trussed up like a chicken and given a sound drubbing with saucepans, frying pans, soup pans, and those fun leather whips with the ball bearings and sharp tacks woven in. He fell to the ground, whimpering, "I just wanted to eat cake," before he bled out his life upon the Watchers Rock. His heart was removed and used for some vile purpose that involved hula dancing and ritual cannibalism.

Ang leered nastily at the weeping widow, Nell, and Smith's supporters gnashed their teeth, vowing revenge.


Day the Thirty-Fifth finds 8 contestants remaining:


Those Who Belong to Faerie

Goldberry
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Queen of Faerie
Chrysophylax Dives

Those Who Don't

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
The Parson
Nell

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Can one divorce one's widow ...?

I suppose the legal question is one of the necessity for a formal divorce proceeding if one party to the contract is already deceased. Does the marriage contract provide for an automatic ending to the wedded state should a spouse die, then reappear in other form in a different realm of existence, as has happened in this case? Or is the incident of death sufficent to end the contract, regardless of still-living embodiments of the deceased in other forms? Then again, should you succeed in killing Smith today, I will be joining you in the realm of the departed. Would the marriage be resumed upon my death, regardless of previous termination? Whether or not a previously nullified by death marriage is resumed once both parties are deceased is a knotty point beyond my ability to unravel. I'm not a loyer.

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

But why vote for Gram? Can anyone give a good reason, other than the fact that he's a dog?

I can! Yes, dogs are useful in survival situations. But they must be useful dogs. This beast, as indicated by his name, is a one gram nothing. Can you expect any work from such a tiny creature? Is a miniature canine of any value in defending the camp if an intruder can easily squash him with the step of a bare foot? Of course not.

Vote Gram for Eviction!

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuien

Then again, should you succeed in killing Smith today ...

Well, I only want to evict him. Whether he dies upon eviction is a matter for the Diamoddess.

Originally Posted by Celuien

I'm not a loyer.

You should be after that speech ...

Originally Posted by Celuien

Is a miniature canine of any value in defending the camp if an intruder can easily squash him with the step of a bare foot?

Smith is hardly any use in defending the camp when he's away with the faeries all the time. Gram brings amusement and companionship, if nothing else. Smith brings nothing to the party.

Btw - you see how exciting this can be when the outcome is not predictable ...

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

You should be after that speech...

Why, thank you. I'll have to consider if I ever become unhappy in my current profession.

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Smith brings nothing to the party.

But he does bring something. He brings the one thing without which no party is complete. Cake.

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

Btw - you see how exciting this can be when the outcome is not predictable ...

Very exciting. Though I still hope that Smith will be saved today...

[Lhunardawen]

++GRAM

For cats! Err...Smith!