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07-05-2006, 04:19 PM
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#11 |
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Illusionary Holbytla
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 7,547
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Mostly all right. Leof's a tad too accepting in the last paragraph - how about instead of "grinned back, as if in relief," put "nodded slowly, as if in acceptance" or something? Other than that, it looks fine.
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