Abduction in Edoras Discussion Thread - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Taralphiel · 04-05-2007, 07:21 AM

Good work, Fire! It looks good to me.

My last post for Sorn is coming along, but I'm not completely satisfied with it. I also have to check some things with others in PMs. But it will be up soon.

- Tara

littlemanpoet · 04-08-2007, 02:31 PM

Three cheers for Scyld! Three cheers for Firefoot! Quite the moving narrative.

I don't know what the rest of you think, but the thing feels finished to me. Sure, we could have Linduial rescued and have some kind of wrap-up scene, but do we really need it?

And when's Scyld coming to EMH?

Taralphiel · 04-08-2007, 06:54 PM

Is my last post still required?

I have it here, though I'm worried it might make everything feel a little 'jerky' after Fire's post.

Please let me know.

- Tara

Firefoot · 04-08-2007, 09:06 PM

It's about Sorn's death, right? Sorn's dead in my last post, so just have it inserted before mine... if you post it here, I could even put it before my post.

I think that it should definitely be put in, though - right now the flow is a little off, they were fighting and all of a sudden they're dead without any death scene.

Taralphiel · 04-08-2007, 10:42 PM

Allright the Fire, here's my post. Like I've mentioned before, it's not perfect. If you can tell me what's missing, or if there's something I need to take out, you'll be rewarded with cuddles. :P

The second sentence also irritates me. I don't know how to re-word it.

Can you tell there's a writer's block gaining strength here? :P

~*~

The dagger sank in and tore. The sickening smell and warmth of Helm’s fluid on his hands was all lost on Sorn. It was just the act, and the simple instinct. Helm bellowed, and the sound rose and rent the hillside as Sorn withdrew and plunged the blade again and again.

Scyld and the girl disappeared, as all the things that had once mattered were sifted in with the dirt under his feet. Helm’s blood mixed with his. He could feel the pain growing on his senses; the great weight of the blow to his skull. Sorn faltered, his arms going slack at his sides. He fell, a great weight to the dirt.

He mingled with the dust. He mingled with everything that did not matter. Sorn wished to laugh, at the great ruin he had made of himself, but his throat was too tight. His body lost all composure, and he could not lift his head from the dirt.

He heard shouting, and panicked cries all around him. He heard running, and the steady ringing thump of hooves growing louder. He saw Helm stagger, and begin to fall.

That was the last thing Sorn of Rohan saw. All was lost to him. All that was left of him is was crime, and the smear of shame that ended his house and line.

~*~*~

Have at it! I do agree i'd suit being before your post, which leads to an apology for not conquering it sooner.

- Tara

littlemanpoet · 04-09-2007, 08:59 AM

Yeah, I agree that Tara's post should be inserted in and before Firefoot's. And on second thought, it would be in the spirit of Tolkien to wrap things up and have a "well I'm back" moment.

Firefoot · 04-18-2007, 09:18 PM

So is that it, then?

04-05-2007, 07:21 AM	#1
Taralphiel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Swan Wood Posts: 649	Good work, Fire! It looks good to me. My last post for Sorn is coming along, but I'm not completely satisfied with it. I also have to check some things with others in PMs. But it will be up soon. - Tara Last edited by Taralphiel; 04-05-2007 at 07:54 AM.

04-08-2007, 02:31 PM	#2
littlemanpoet Itinerant Songster Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: The Edge of Faerie Posts: 7,066	Three cheers for Scyld! Three cheers for Firefoot! Quite the moving narrative. I don't know what the rest of you think, but the thing feels finished to me. Sure, we could have Linduial rescued and have some kind of wrap-up scene, but do we really need it? And when's Scyld coming to EMH?

04-08-2007, 06:54 PM	#3
Taralphiel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Swan Wood Posts: 649	Is my last post still required? I have it here, though I'm worried it might make everything feel a little 'jerky' after Fire's post. Please let me know. - Tara

04-08-2007, 09:06 PM	#4
Firefoot Illusionary Holbytla Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 7,547	It's about Sorn's death, right? Sorn's dead in my last post, so just have it inserted before mine... if you post it here, I could even put it before my post. I think that it should definitely be put in, though - right now the flow is a little off, they were fighting and all of a sudden they're dead without any death scene.

04-08-2007, 10:42 PM	#5
Taralphiel Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Swan Wood Posts: 649	Allright the Fire, here's my post. Like I've mentioned before, it's not perfect. If you can tell me what's missing, or if there's something I need to take out, you'll be rewarded with cuddles. :P The second sentence also irritates me. I don't know how to re-word it. Can you tell there's a writer's block gaining strength here? :P ~~ The dagger sank in and tore. The sickening smell and warmth of Helm’s fluid on his hands was all lost on Sorn. It was just the act, and the simple instinct. Helm bellowed, and the sound rose and rent the hillside as Sorn withdrew and plunged the blade again and again. Scyld and the girl disappeared, as all the things that had once mattered were sifted in with the dirt under his feet. Helm’s blood mixed with his. He could feel the pain growing on his senses; the great weight of the blow to his skull. Sorn faltered, his arms going slack at his sides. He fell, a great weight to the dirt. He mingled with the dust. He mingled with everything that did not matter. Sorn wished to laugh, at the great ruin he had made of himself, but his throat was too tight. His body lost all composure, and he could not lift his head from the dirt. He heard shouting, and panicked cries all around him. He heard running, and the steady ringing thump of hooves growing louder. He saw Helm stagger, and begin to fall. That was the last thing Sorn of Rohan saw. All was lost to him. All that was left of him is was crime, and the smear of shame that ended his house and line. ~~*~ Have at it! I do agree i'd suit being before your post, which leads to an apology for not conquering it sooner. - Tara

04-09-2007, 08:59 AM	#6
littlemanpoet Itinerant Songster Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: The Edge of Faerie Posts: 7,066	Yeah, I agree that Tara's post should be inserted in and before Firefoot's. And on second thought, it would be in the spirit of Tolkien to wrap things up and have a "well I'm back" moment.

04-18-2007, 09:18 PM	#7
Firefoot Illusionary Holbytla Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 7,547	So is that it, then?