Dwarves vs Elves - The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum

Andsigil · 10-10-2008, 08:36 PM

Look. Let's face it: elves may be good fighters, powerful sorcerers, and wise loremasters, but, at the heart, they're still prissy, metrosexual nancy-boys. Dwarves may be short, but they're hirsute, direct, and manly. That makes them better.

(runs and ducks for cover)

Morthoron · 10-10-2008, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andsigil

Look. Let's face it: elves may be good fighters, powerful sorcerers, and wise loremasters, but, at the heart, they're still prissy, metrosexual nancy-boys. Dwarves may be short, but they're hirsute, direct, and manly. That makes them better.

(runs and ducks for cover)

Ummm...wow.

*Considers Andsigil's rather bellicose statements*

Hmmm...I don't see how one can consider Dwarves 'manly' (a contradiction in any case), because they have virtually no females (and evidently no interest in them if they had some) -- poor Dis being the one and only Smurfette mentioned among the Smurfish Dwarves (well, they did come from the Blue Mountains, didn't they?). Unless, of course, you mean manly in the sense of The Village People:

Young dwarf, there's no need to feel down
I said, young dwarf, cos' you live underground
I said, young dwarf, pile your gold into mounds
There's no need to see sunlight

Young dwarf, why don't you leave Erebor
I said, young dwarf, go to Hollin's Door
I said, young dwarf, take your axe off to war
There's some Orcs to be-head

It's fun to stay down in M-O-R-I-A
It's fun to stay down in M-O-R-I-A

You can mine for mithril and make marvelous toys
You can hang out with all the boys

It's fun to stay down in M-O-R-I-A
It's fun to stay down in M-O-R-I-A

You can stuff yourself like a drunken hog
Just don't you wake up the Balrog...etc.

Andsigil · 10-11-2008, 05:36 AM

What are you talking about? Is this hot, or what?

As for the manliness of the elves, let's read the secret diary of Legolas:

Day One:

Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano. Very important mission - gold ring so tacky.

Day Four:

Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down.

Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me!

Day Six:

Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle.

Orcs so silly.

Still the prettiest.

Day Ten:

Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more.

Still prettiest, despite blasted spot.

Day Eleven:

In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me.

Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath.

I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now?

Still prettiest by far.

Day 30:

All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion.

Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Still the prettiest.

Day 33:

Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite.

Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself "Stacey" who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming.

Day 35:

Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me. Cannot understand it. Am feeling a pout coming on.

Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really.

Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting. Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times.

10-10-2008, 08:36 PM	#1
Andsigil Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: The Deepest Forges of Ered Luin Posts: 733	Look. Let's face it: elves may be good fighters, powerful sorcerers, and wise loremasters, but, at the heart, they're still prissy, metrosexual nancy-boys. Dwarves may be short, but they're hirsute, direct, and manly. That makes them better. (runs and ducks for cover) __________________ Even as fog continues to lie in the valleys, so does ancient sin cling to the low places, the depression in the world consciousness.

10-11-2008, 05:36 AM	#3
Andsigil Ghost Prince of Cardolan Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: The Deepest Forges of Ered Luin Posts: 733	What are you talking about? Is this hot, or what? As for the manliness of the elves, let's read the secret diary of Legolas: Day One: Went to Council of Elrond. Was prettiest person there. Agreed to follow some tiny little man to Mordor to throw ring into volcano. Very important mission - gold ring so tacky. Day Four: Boromir so irritating. Why must he wear big shield like dinner plate all the time? Climbed up Caradhras but wimpy humans who cannot walk on snow insisted we climb back down. Am definitely prettiest member of the Fellowship. Go me! Day Six: Far too dark in Mines of Moria to brush hair properly. Am very afraid I am developing a tangle. Orcs so silly. Still the prettiest. Day Ten: Gandalf fell into shadow. In other news, I think I am developing a spot on my nose. V. serious situation, as Elven spots likely to last for 500 years or more. Still prettiest, despite blasted spot. Day Eleven: In Lothlorien. Suspect Galadriel may be prettier than me. Also, am quite sure she copied my hairstyle. I was wearing that same look at least 1,000 years ago. Silly bint. She was most annoyed that I used her mirrored fountain to take a nice bubble bath. I choose to ignore her claim that my hair clogged her drain. Not one strand of my hair has fallen out in 800 years, why would it start now? Still prettiest by far. Day 30: All this paddling about in boats is hell on my complexion. Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo strangely attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Still the prettiest. Day 33: Boromir tempted by Ring. So tedious. Cannot be tempted myself, as already have everything I want i.e. perfect hair and a butt like granite. Have been getting very strange letters from someone calling herself "Stacey" who wants to do obscene things to my elfhood. Fortunately have super-duper elf vision so can run away if I see her coming. Day 35: Boromir dead. Very messy death, most uncessesary. Did get kissed by Aragorn as he expired. Does a guy have to get shot full of arrows around here to get any action? Boromir definitely not prettier than me. Cannot understand it. Am feeling a pout coming on. Frodo off to Mordor with Sam. Tiny little men caring about each other, rather cute really. Am quite sure Gimli fancies me. So unfair. He is waist height, so can see advantages there, but chunky braids and big helmet most offputting. Forsee dark times ahead, very dark times. __________________ Even as fog continues to lie in the valleys, so does ancient sin cling to the low places, the depression in the world consciousness. Last edited by Andsigil; 10-11-2008 at 05:42 AM.