Sequel to The Lord of The Rings "The Dark Tree" Part 1

[Morthoron]

Originally Posted by Producernyc

Your feed back is highly appreciated.

You ask for feedback; I shall give it to you.

In your original post you stated:

The author tried not to contravene the metaphysics of the world created by Professor, though he did not follow his brief description of king Aragorn’s reign.

Now, I can understand that you chose not to follow the brief description of Aragorn's reign; however, you go far beyond that. From the standpoint of the characters, the political situation, and the geographical/societal/cultural narrative, you have decided to eliminate everything just to create an altered states Middle-earth that bares absolutely no resemblance to the books. The problem with this is that you cause a disconnect in the readers already familiar with the books (or even the movies, for that matter), by presenting Aragorn as what amounts to be a failed ruler only 15 years into his reign! It just does not make sense.

Let me point out what I find most rankling or unbelievable:

15 years have passed since the destruction of the Ring. Aragorn reigns in Minas Tirith. Khazzar is his trusted assistant.

We know, or can at least surmise, what is going on in Middle-earth 15 years after the end of the War of the Ring, based on the Appendices at the end of Return of the King, primarily in The Tale of Years (which continues for 121 years past the War of the Ring and ends at Aragorn's death), but also in Appendix A - Part II, The House of Eorl, and Appendix A - Part III Durin's Folk.

Simply put, the plot as you have presented could not have taken place during the time proposed, and would be unacceptable for anyone who has even a mild interest in the Lord of the Rings. This inconsistency is the single greatest problem working against your story, and I would suggest you revise your story outside the time constraints of the book; otherwise, it is merely fan-fiction and not, in fact, speculative 4th Age fiction, which strives to "guesstimate" what occurred in the 4th Age after the major characters are gone.

For instance, it seems to me that Aragorn is an excellent judge of character, perhaps surpassing any mortal man. How then could this "Khazzar" be his trusted assistant? Would not both Prince Faramir (the Steward of Gondor) and Prince Imrahil (a stated advisor to Aragorn) be the natural counselors to the king? Why would such an anointed king like Aragorn, already wise and over a hundred years-old, need advisers other than Faramir and Imrahil, both very shrewd and capable lords?

Additionally, "Khazzar" would not fit in either a Dunedain or Adûnaic naming convention, and it is certainly not Quenyan or Sindarin. The name is merely made up and does not fit into specific language patterns Tolkien has formed. The closest would be the Dwarvish Khuzdul, and it would make little sense for a Dwarf to be a counselor of a Gondorion King, unless that Dwarf was named Gimli.

Khazzar convinces Faramir to tell the people that their king is dead. Otherwise he threatens to spread the rumor that Faramir killed Aragorn to seize power.

You do not understand the politics of Gondor at the time. I suggest you choose some time far after this. Perhaps after Aragorn is dead.

Merry, Pippin and Sam lead a philistine life.

Rereading the Appendices would aid you greatly in your research. None of these three led a "philistine life". Meriadoc became Master of Buckland, Peregrin becomes Thain, and Sam is Mayor of the Shire all before the 15 year time period in question.

The hobbits learn that the Kingdom is going through tough times, unknown northern tribes of people started to move south and Aragorn is either dead or missing.

Exactly where would these "unknown northern tribes" come from? Thin air?

The hobbits move out of Shire. They decide to go through the magic Old Forest. They undergo the attack of the forest-dwellers there. In their escape they get to the Master of the Forest. He gives shelter to the pilgrims.

You see, by merely reading the Appendix you would find this an impossibility. One of the hallmarks of good fan-fiction is a "suspension of disbelief", wherein the fan-fiction story is researched well enough to meld seamlessly with the original narrative.

Khazzar tries to find common ground with little Eldarion. He tells Arwen that he is going to persuade the prince to choose the immortal elvish fate by becoming an Eternal king on the throne of Gondor.

Eldarion does not have the ability to make the Half-Elven choice for immortality. Arwen became mortal prior to Eldarion being born, and thus Eldarion is mortal.

Aragorn is captured by the tribe of hulgs. Hulg’s king Hador arranges a battle for Aragorn with one of his tribe’s warrior. Aragorn wins and earns respect among hulgs.

What exactly is a "Hulg"? Where do you believe their land lies? What language are you basing the word "Hulg" on?