Itaril

[TheMisfortuneTeller]

Make sure you get your Young-Elf-Lord + Elf-Chick-Security-Guard toys and posters as soon as they hit Toys-R-Us, Tolkienite consumers, even though you may have to wait another year to actually see these characters "intertwine" in Part Two of a shorter story by J. R. R. Tolkien in which they never appeared, either singly or together.

http://www.theonering.net/torwp/2012...ed/#more-62227

Toy-store-merchandize-tie-ins driving a story's narrative and characters may thrill consumers of crap commodities, but I prefer my literate entertainment -- like my drinking water -- pure and not polluted with Hollywood formula industrial waste.

We see them now together
Just like we long suspected:
Her coy, come-hither glances
Leave him (surprise!) erected.

I remember at the conclusion of the Lord of the Rings trilogy where a great many viewers -- including Jack Nicholson -- complained of the "multiple endings" that occurred after King Aragorn and his Elven Princess Arwen had their big kiss at his coronation. The film-makers had spent so much of the narrative trying to beef up this Hollywood romance angle -- hardly mentioned at all by Tolkien -- that the hobbits had become almost an afterthought. I see the same dubious dynamic at work with this completely unnecessary "thing" between the young (only a few thousand years old) Elf Lord Legolas and Itaril (Release 1.0) or Tauriel (Release 2.0) fan-fiction marketing ploy. Any time spent away from Bilbo Baggins makes The Hobbit less about one particular, exemplary hobbit and more about selling tie-in toys and video games to "Tolkienite consumers."

I would lampoon this ludicrous idea in even more scatological verse if only I knew how. Sometimes a dumb idea becomes so much a parody of itself that even poetic license cannot improve upon the inherent irony.