Tolkien Translated... into Googlese

[Pitchwife]

I discovered this lovely website today which devotes itself to demonstrating the absurdity of machine translations. It uses Google Translate to bounce the text you enter back and forth between English and a dozen or so other languages, with predictable results.

I tried my luck with the Ring Verse ("Three rings for the Elven kings..."), and it took only ten translations to transform it into the following jewel of absurd poetry, which I can't keep myself from sharing:

Originally Posted by Bad Translator

Of the three seminars, open sky wizard and the Seven Dwarfs, the large stone buildings, King was sentenced to death nine people, one God, a dark shadow places, magical. Some of the rules to find the ring, all the charms lay a heavy shadow.

Some of the intermediate results were quite charming in their own right, such as this:

Originally Posted by Bad Translator

Kings of the three seminars, open sky wizard and the Seven Dwarfs, a large stone building and nine men were sentenced to death, another for the dark magic of God where the shadows lie.

(Emphasis mine. Makes you wonder how you'd execute a large stone building, doesn't it?)

So pick your favourite Tolkien quote, fasten seat belts and have fun!

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Hilarious, PW. I have tried some things with the "normal" translators before, but this is really a wonderful example how to put it into the extreme.

I don't need to comment on the following one:

"Few people in the home hole. Dirty wet hole poor, worms, their taste of water, dried, exposed end, no bubbles and said: "This is a tax loophole, which means comfort meet."

I think some of the intermediate stages were interesting as well. I am most curious about the origins of this one (emphasis mine):

In a hole in the main living dwarf. There are poor dirty wet hole, filled with worms and end the smell of moisture there, dry, bare, sandy hole nothing in it or sit there: It was a hole canon, and that means comfort.

I just say it's crazy.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

It was a hole canon

So the Hobbit is canonical?!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gave this a try. Went through a number of languages (none Latin based ones often produce the best results).

I do not know half of the half, because I wanted to and I like less than half the average, as it deserves.

Funnily enough, it may make more sense than Bilbo's original statement.

[Inziladun]

When I put in Beren's well-known response to Thingol

Death you can give me earned or unearned; but the names I will not take from you of baseborn, nor spy, nor thrall.

I got this:

The death has given me a winner or not work, but not from poachers name or spyware, and slavery.

[mormegil]

You cannot enter here. Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!

became

You can here. Back to the list of sinks: go! What is the low expectations and an MBA. Go!

4 translations to be on masters degree and on the 5th it was an MBA.

[Thinlómien]

No bubbles!!!

Thanks Pitchie for the wonderful link.

Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.

became

Win it! I will not say anything. Many of those who live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. You are women? And not satisfied with the deal in court for death. Even the wisest knows all the ends.

and

The biter bit, the hawk under eagle's foot, the spider in the steel web!

became

Biter bit by the Eagle and the promotion of the Internet!

Rather interesting, eh?

[Urwen]

5. "Yes, we're happy, I drink blood, so I can use a password trapped in the blood, Mr. President, and the wrong brand of blood. I hunger to death."

It's easy

Yes,gladly I'll drink your blood to avenge blood of you-know-who and unjustful slaying of the Lame.I'll kill you swiftly.

But can you translate this:

Get away from my garden,you giant toad of Mr.Gloomy!

[Nerwen]

1. "Natural brother, brother, my heart is full. Is to manage and continue. I do not agree with the suffering of young people."

2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"

3. "Aragon remember how to look dead."

4. "There are many opportunities to curious about the world, and to help the poor in the hand tool is often seen as unstable."

5. "Yes, we're happy, I drink blood, so I can use a password trapped in the blood, Mr. President, and the wrong brand of blood. I hunger to death."

[Pitchwife]

Could this be the germ of a new quiz thread?

Originally Posted by Nerwen

1. "Natural brother, brother, my heart is full. Is to manage and continue. I do not agree with the suffering of young people."

Neither do I, but I guess it's Fingolfin to Fëanor: "Your half-brother in blood, but your full brother in heart I will be", etc.

2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"

Lee Teng-hui? Is that the Chinese name for Lalaith?

3. "Aragon remember how to look dead."

"Aragorn, remember the Paths of the Dead"?

4. "There are many opportunities to curious about the world, and to help the poor in the hand tool is often seen as unstable."

An insight we'd all do well to take to heart. No idea.

5. "Yes, we're happy, I drink blood, so I can use a password trapped in the blood, Mr. President, and the wrong brand of blood. I hunger to death."

Can this be Gandalf to Pippin at the gate of Moria - "Knock on the door with your head, Peregrin Took", etc.? Otherwise, no idea.

Poachers, spyware, holes in the canon and the list of the sinks... Incredible!

EDIT: Of course, Urwen! *slaps forehead* But I wonder where 'password' and 'Mr President' came from...

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Pitch

Neither do I, but I guess it's Fingolfin to Fëanor: "Your half-brother in blood, but your full brother in heart I will be", etc.

That's it.

Lee Teng-hui? Is that the Chinese name for Lalaith?

No. Apparently it's Chinese for "Fool of a Took". This is Gandalf to Pippin after the latter throws a stone into the shaft in Moria.

Originally Posted by Pitch

"Aragorn, remember the Paths of the Dead"?

Yep.

Originally Posted by Pitch

An insight we'd all do well to take to heart. No idea.

Guinevere has it: "Many are the strange chances of the world and helps oft shall come from the hands of the weak when the Wise falter."

Originally Posted by Pitch

Can this be Gandalf to Pippin at the gate of Moria - "Knock on the door with your head, Peregrin Took", etc.? Otherwise, no idea.

Of course, Urwen! *slaps forehead* But I wonder where 'password' and 'Mr President' came from...

Yes, Urwen's right, it's the sword Gurthang. "Mr President" starts out as "master" and morphs gradually by way of "sir" and "Chairman". "Password" is more mysterious. It appears right after the first (Afrikaans) translation: "Yes, I will gladly drink your blood, that I may the blood of the siege of my master password, and the blood of slain Brandir unfair. I will fast to death."

"Beleg" becomes "seige" at the same point, but after a while that disappears.

[Guinevere]

*wipes tears of mirth*

At least I recognize this one:

Originally Posted by Nerwen

4. "There are many opportunities to curious about the world, and to help the poor in the hand tool is often seen as unstable."

"Many are the strange chances of the world and help oft shall come from the hands of the weak when the Wise falter."

[Oddwen]

Ships and High King 33rd. Why land flowing sea monster? Seven, seven white stones and trees

Cook, cook better than me, if you know what I mean.

He was a sailor Arverni. Earendil left the ship, in order to reduce Nimbrethil trees

That one made me chortle.

Good and evil are not to change things, past, or elves, dwarves and another man. These are to make a different timber, gold, and his family.

Since, you know...if you need new timber, gold and families, good and evil won't help you.

[Guinevere]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"

Could this perhaps be:
"Fool of a Took!" "This is a serious journey, not a hobbit walking-party.Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance Now be quiet!"

or am I mistaken?

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Guinevere

Originally Posted by Nerwen
2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"Could this perhaps be:
"Fool of a Took!" "This is a serious journey, not a hobbit walking-party.Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance Now be quiet!"

or am I mistaken?

No, you're not mistaken. How on Middle-earth did you work that one out?

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

It was a hole canon
So the Hobbit is canonical?!

Actually, I think it's suggesting that it's a hole in the canon, and so uncanonical.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"When Spring unfolds the beechen leaf, and sap is in the bough; When light is on the wild-wood stream, and wind is on the brow; When stride is long, and breath is deep, and keen on the mountain-air, Come back to me! Come back to me! And say my land is fair."

Became

"When the book appeared, juice, light brown wood products, but the current application, the field is wide, deep, mountain air is good to go back to our homeland."

And then...

"It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes fill. It comes first and follows after, Ends life, kills laughter."

Became...

"I do not see can not see, hear or smell. The stars and the hills and fill the empty space. Above all, keep track of them after his death, life and laughter."

Which actually sounds kind of cool.

[Urwen]

You are my country gold wall, control blood prison!

Translate THIS,please!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"No eyelids or the media box, prevents the light gold face."

Take a guess, anyone.

[Urwen]

4."Life, or dark immortal, beat I sign up?"
This one was not so difficult, even without your once again impatient and early clues, Urwen. It's Éowyn to the Witch-King.

How did you guess that?!

[Pitchwife]

Originally Posted by Legate

"I'm a ghost ring cold. The skin is your body, when seen, and all other political parties, cold eyes."

"Those Nazgûl give me the creeps. And they skin the body off you as soon as look at you, and leave you all cold in the dark on the other side." Gorbag to Shagrat, feeding speculations about what's been called 'Nazgûl purgatory'.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Originally Posted by Urwen

How did you guess that?!

Answer: Easily

Originally Posted by Pitchwife

"Those Nazgûl give me the creeps. And they skin the body off you as soon as look at you, and leave you all cold in the dark on the other side." Gorbag to Shagrat, feeding speculations about what's been called 'Nazgûl purgatory'.

Indeed! The other quote, for that matter, is from the Hobbit:

"Little bunny is getting nice and fat again on bread and honey," he chuckled. "Come and have some more!"

The interesting thing is that the "come and have some more" eventually became just the question mark. At some point, it was "Too!", later "Too?" and in the end only "?". But I would say "Century, Tags, Obesity Bread of Love "and she Smiled!" is quite awkward change there

[Pitchwife]

Originally Posted by Legate

But I would say "Century, Tags, Obesity Bread of Love "and she Smiled!" is quite awkward change there

Indeed, 'awkward' doesn't begin to describe it!

But what do you make of this:

Prince Castle dwarf baby skin is beautiful! If you know that recreation and fishing in the Mediterranean coast of Sutherland.

25 translations. Eönwë's forbidden to guess.

[Loslote]

I don't think it's been done yet, so, at 25 translations:

"Door, but now Bixu Xiang this line because it was more than a foot in the schools, roads and community needs. Well, as I do not know."

Any guesses?