Be careful what you wish for...

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish a Barrow Wight had decided to be good and helped Frodo out on the adventure.

1-2-3. Granted. A Barrow Wight decides to help Frodo on the adventure. As this is a particularly influential Barrow Wight, all of the other Wights follow to help Frodo. This is quite beneficial for the Hobbits on the Quest; however, since Tom Bombadil no longer has an audience for his poetry with the Downs deserted, he goes insane and rampages through the Shire shouting poems, leading the the discovery that Bombadil was, in fact, e.e. cummings in disguise.

I wish the Ringwraiths had crossed the Bruinen successfully.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Celuien

I wish the Ringwraiths had crossed the Bruinen successfully.

That they do! Unfortunately (for them) they do it five years too late and miss the War of the Ring.

I wish Sauron had a small dog, called Jim.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Sauron had a small dog, called Jim.

Granted. Jim ruins the floor of Barad-Dur and is never quiet. A "mutiny" occurs and the orcs overthrow Sauron simply to get rid of that blasted dog.


I wish that a hurricane hit Middle-Earth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The 1,000 Reader

I wish that a hurricane hit Middle-Earth.

Andit was so. A hurricane takes a large swing at Middle Earth. But, of course, Orome isn't very happy about this, and so he sounds his horn and hits the hurricane back. There then erupts a huge fight in which all the Valar get involved and confusion mounts when Melko joins in. Even ten hours after the hurricane has departed, the fight continues until the fight causes more devastation than any hurricane could have been.

I wish Gandalf and Radagast had their own spin off show.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Gandalf and Radagast had their own spin off show.

Your wish is granted. The show was called "The Lone Wizard." Radagast played his faithful Druadan companion Targo.

I wish that Ar-Pharazon hadn't taken Sauron to Numenor.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish that Ar-Pharazon hadn't taken Sauron to Numenor.

1-2-3. Granted. Instead of Numenor, Ar-Pharazon takes Sauron to Disneyland. Sauron dresses up as Mickey Mouse, Ar-Pharazon becomes Donald Duck, and they spend the rest of their lives posing for pictures with their adoring fans.

(And you wondered why Tolkien disliked Disney. )

I wish that Hobbits really did have express trains.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Originally Posted by Celuien

I wish that Hobbits really did have express trains.

The Hobbits now posses the fastest trains in all of Middle Earth, but they dont have any tracks and thats just plain silly!

I wish that Elves and Orcs would meet once a year to tell each other ghost stories

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Rune Son of Bjarne

I wish that Elves and Orcs would meet once a year to tell each other ghost stories

Granted.
However, the ghost stories that the elves tell are not quite as scary as the Orcs', consequently, when telling the 'chilling' tale of 'The Elf with half a finger missing' the Orcs laughed so much that they called down the Stone Giants to Rivendell, and the destroyed it.

I wish Bilbo had ridden on Smaug's back.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Bilbo had ridden on Smaug's back.

And so shall it be...
Bilbo, with the Ring, on hops a ride on Smaug's back. Unfortunately his Ring chose to slip off just as he was climbing down from Smaug's back. And Smaug was unsympathetic to Bilbo's "Gandalf made me do it" excuse."

I wish Fatty had been part of the Fellowship.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish Fatty had been part of the Fellowship.

Granted. Fatty joins the Fellowship! Yet, on the hard road from Rivendell, he gets so hungry that he eats Bill the Pony. Upon discovering this, Sam takes up arms and kills Fatty in the night. Gimli, who had come to like Fatty, then kills Sam. Frodo kills Gimli, Legolas kills Frodo. Aragorn Kills Legolas. Boromir kills Aragorn (for the heck of t). Merry kills Boromir. Pippin kills merry. Gandalf Kills Pippin. Gandalf kills himself.

Oh dear

I wish that Théoden had personally given Wormtong a slap across the mouth.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that Théoden had personally given Wormtong a slap across the mouth.

Your wish is granted. But Wormtongue pretended to be seriously injured and made Theoden apologize. But Wormtongue didn't accept the apology until Theoden executed Eomer.

I wish that Tolkien had finished The Lost Road.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish that Tolkien had finished The Lost Road.

Granted. Unfortunately, he lost it... in a volcano.

I wish Smaug had made friends with Bilbo and been an enemy of Sauron in the War of the Ring!

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Smaug had made friends with Bilbo and been an enemy of Sauron in the War of the Ring!

Your wish is granted. But nobody trusted Bilbo and Smaug and they were both killed in the second Battle of Greenfields.

I wish that the Lord of the Rings had the Marx Brothers in it.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish that the Lord of the Rings had the Marx Brothers in it.

Granted! But since the Marx brothers joined up other icons of there time decide to be in LOTR, including, but not limited to Charlie Chaplin and Abbott and Costello. Thus turning the world of Middle-Earth into a 1920's free for all.

I wish Bill the Pony was able to go through the Mines of Moria.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish Bill the Pony was able to go through the Mines of Moria.

And so he was, sneaking in while all the members of the fellowship were rather distracted by that nasssty monster on the lake, Bill went into the mines of Moria and hid there for a spell. Now, there was a secret, evil power in the mines, now known as a Balrog of Morgoth and as a practical joke he decided to make such a human-like pony as human as he'd get... although he was still gray, slimy and rather primitive. Know who I'm talking about, right?

Because... *misterious, almost scary voice* Smeagol had passed a way a long time ago, after loosing his ring.

I wish Ted Sandyman had been a part of the fellowship

[mark12_30]

Originally Posted by Farael

I wish Ted Sandyman had been a part of the fellowship

He was! And due to his constant arguing with Sam that either there was no such thing as elves, or, that they were all a bunch of arrogant fakes, he convinced everyone in he Fellowship.

Gandalf, in the Halls of Mandos, decided that coming back from Elfland would be too embarassing, so he stayed there and there was no Gandalf the White.

Gimli became disillusioned and grumbled about his lousy three strands of hair, and tossed them halfway across the Plains of Rohan.

When he became King, Aragorn sent Arwen a "Dear Jane" letter and told her that she could keep her arrogant elvish fakery, he was marrying a nice Rohirric girl.

By the end of the quest, Legolas son of Thranduil had changed his name, given up archery, stopped singing, turned in his elvish clothes for mannish clothes, unbraided his hair and rubbed dirt in it to give it a mannish look, and developed several psychotic twitches.

And although Gollum still bit off Frodo's finger and destroyed the Ring, Frodo refused passage to Valinor and instead moved into the Lockholes, constantly muttering and yelling at passersby.

I wish more of Legolas' kin had been involved in the quest.

Originally Posted by mark12_30

I wish more of Legolas' kin had been involved in the quest.

Granted, they were! Unfortunately due to their constant besting of Legolas in both the arrow shooting and cool mounting/surfing of random animals stakes, Legolas threw a benny (returned to his trailer on the edge of Mirkwood), refused point blank to take any further part in the fellowship and hence wasn't available to take part in any of the following battles.... which resulted in the death of several of the key characters (Gandalf got run over by an Uruk-hai wagon for gawd sake!) and the falling of middle earth to Sauron.....

I wish I woke up next to Arwen every morning Grrrrrrrr

[Ordimor]

Originally Posted by Smaug reborn

I wish I woke up next to Arwen every morning Grrrrrrrr

*TADA* Granted! As Arwen's pillow you enjoy her every morning - in an inanimate, spittle covered sort of way ((except those nights when her hips are hurting and she tucks you in-between her knees, or when shes watching a scary flick and she holds you close to her bosom!)).



I wish that the Great Eagles had snakes on them!

[Gil-Galad]

Originally Posted by Ordimor

I wish that the Great Eagles had snakes on them!

Granted, but now since the Giant Eagles have snakes on them they all fail their tasks trhoughout the years and it brings chaos and ruin to all of Middle-Earth and Frodo seen as a martyr. Way to go.


I wish that the Easterlings overthrough Sauron

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Gil-Galad

I wish that the Easterlings overthrough Sauron

Granted, however, when they become the new rulers of Middle Earth, there comes a rivalry between two sections of the Easterlings and they all end up killing each other after three minuets. The Witch king then takes over as Lord and master of Middle Earth with his own brand of dwarf tossing that takes place in the middle of the sea for no reason.

I wish Manwe could have had an amusing period of taunting Melkor before throwing him into the void.

[High King Fingolfin]

Originally posted by Hookbill the Goomba
I wish Manwe could have had an amusing period of taunting Melkor before throwing him into the void.

Your wish has been granted. But, during this taunting period, Aule forgot to forge Melkor's chains, thus allowing him to escape the moment the Valars' backs were turned. He returned to Middle-Earth, and ruled it forever.

I wish that instead of Grey, Gandalf had been neon mauve.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by High King Fingolfin

I wish that instead of Grey, Gandalf had been neon mauve.

Granted! Unfortunately the neoness of Gandalf's new color attracted the most unsavory sorts of people...tourists looking for the off-ramp to get into Las Vegas.

I wish Pippin was Bilbo's heir and had to take the Ring into Mordor.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Pippin was Bilbo's heir and had to take the Ring into Mordor.

Your wish is granted. However, Pippin gets so hungry that he eats the Ring along the way, causing his head to explode and the Quest to end.

I wish Sauron wasn't evil.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Sauron wasn't evil.

Your wish is granted. That means the Lord of the Rings was never written. Instead Tolkien wrote The White Hand. It's about a renegade Maia who tries to take over Middle-earth. When PJ turned it into a movie he turned Saruman into a literal white hand.

I wish Tolkien recorded how old Durin the Deathless was when he died.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish Tolkien recorded how old Durin the Deathless was when he died.

Granted, however, becuase this appears to be a contradiction in terms, everyone gets confused and decides to hurl themselves off bridges... erm... onto... your house... or something.

I wish The Argonath had been showing a thumbs up rather than an open palm .

[High King Fingolfin]

Originally posted by Hookbill the Goomba
I wish The Argonath had been showing a thumbs up rather than an open palm.

Granted. But then the Argonath were structurally unstable in their hands which happened to collapse on the Fellowship's boats, causing them all to drown in the Anduin.

I wish that Denethor would not have gone crazy so Gandalf could have saved Theoden from the Witch-King.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by High King Fingolfin

I wish that Denethor would not have gone crazy so Gandalf could have saved Theoden from the Witch-King.

Alakazam! your wish is granted.... sadly, since every good story has an old man that goes crazy, it's Theoden the one who goes cucu and kills Gandalf. Sadly, he does so before Gandalf could give the final stroke to the WK.

Long story short, the Free Peoples of Middle Earth changed their name to Sauron's Minions. Some people think that it has a nicer ring to it anyway.

I wish Theodred had been sent to Rivendell when the council was held

[The 1,000 Reader]

Originally Posted by Farael

I wish Theodred had been sent to Rivendell when the council was held

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, without him leading part of Rohan's defenses at that time, Saruman's forces gain land easily in Rohan, causing a victory for the forces of the White Hand.


I wish that Saruman had a landmine defense field around Isengard.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The 1,000 Reader

I wish that Saruman had a landmine defense field around Isengard.

Granted, yet while marching his army out to helms deep, they all get blown up. Saruman spends the next five years cleaning up the mess.

I wish Turin had a sense of humour.

[Volo]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Turin had a sense of humour.

And so he had. Unluckily nobody else had any sense of humour and Turin was hanged.


I wish Gandalf was a lead guitarist of a rock band.

[Volo]

Why doesn't anyone want to grant me my wish

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Gandalf was a lead guitarist of a rock band

You see, your wish is already granted, as Gandalf is already guitarist in a band, and not only but a singer too! Though he keeps his incognito by wearing dark glasses... Next time you see them, look closely at ZZ Top - yup, the guy on the left is Gandalf... beard dyed, o'course...lots of free time on his hands since Sauron's defeat, you see...

I wish exact number of balrogs has been known...

[High King Fingolfin]

Originally posted by HerenIstarion
I wish exact number of balrogs has been known...

Ta-daa! Your wish has been granted. However, the exact number of Balrogs is one of those irritating little pieces of information that causes the universe to explode when it is known to man. So the universe is gone. Not good.

I wish that Glorfindel rode Asfaloth in the movies.

[Volo]

Originally Posted by High King Fingolfin

I wish that Glorfindel rode Asfaloth in the movies.

Granted! Glorfindel proudly rode Asfaloth, but it was still Arwen's role to save Frodo. Of course without a horse Arwen couldn't get away from the Nazgul. Sauron got his precious ring and Middle-Earth was once again doomed.

I wish Hamfast Gamgee was a Balrog.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Volo

I wish Hamfast Gamgee was a Balrog.

Granted. However, he ends up moving house to next door to you and he eats all your food and bricks.

I wish Mushrooms were as plentiful as grass blades in the Shire.

[Volo]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Mushrooms were as plentiful as grass blades in the Shire.

They were! But everybody got so sick and tired of mushrooms that hobbits started eating twigs, that turned them into a big glowing mass that fell right down through Arda, into the 74:th dimension.

My toe wishes that she would be reborn as Aragorn.

[The Elf-warrior]

My toe wishes that she would be reborn as Aragorn.

Your toe's wish is granted. Your toe is now Aragorn. But he develops an ingrown face and has to convalesce in Rivendell and doesn't become King.

I wish that the Barrow-wight was a good guy.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish that the Barrow-wight was a good guy.

Granted. He was a good guy. In fact, when Frodo was lost on the Downs the Wight called to him and said "Here I am!" but Frodo was too afraid. Then Frodo fell over and the Barrow Wight took him back to his Barrow to make sure he was all right. When Frodo woke up, the Wight sent a little hand creature to offer them tea and cakes, but the hobbit was so afraid he attacked the hand.
In a last ditch effort to cheer Frodo up, the Wight sung the only song he knew all the words to, "Cold be heart", and old Barrow Downs favourite. But this only made matters worse and Tom Bombadill showed up and threw him out of Barrow and home.

I wish Sauron smoked a pipe.

[Volo]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Sauron smoked a pipe.

Sauron did smoke a pipe! In the middle of the Siege of Barad-dur. He claimed it to be his "pipe moment" and commanded peace. All the baddies retreated and Elendil, Gil-galad and Isildur joined Sauron smoking their pipes. After a long chat and a few too many pints, they desided that Sauron wasn't such a bad guy after all and asked their psychologist Izindibolgdam to help Sauron. Izindibolgdam listened Sauron and desided that Sauron's problem was the lack of calcium. Sauron was very relieved that this was the case and even paid Elendil for his kindness by giving them the largest projector in Arda's history.

Happy end!

I wish Gothmog's stomach would ache as badly as mine.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Gothmog's stomach would ache as badly as mine.

Your wish is granted. But pain makes him mad, and he's a better fighter when he's mad.

I wish Denethor hadn't killed himself.